Monthly Archives: June 2012

Another .8 hump day

I really shouldn’t complain, I am posting another 2 lb loss this week. 181.8. But seriously… What is with the .8? Last week and this and a few times in the last 6 months… .8. Oh well. Measured today,
Bust 42 (same) waist 33 (half inch loss) and hip 41 1/2 (half inch loss)
Jeans I had to struggle into now fit easy, and need a belt. Those are good things. I have only had one shake this week, I have been eating really clean, lots of farmers market produce, Greek yogurt, oatmeal and whole grains. Probably too much milk and coffee. I have been craving chocolate like a crazy person. PMS. I just started back on birth control pills after a year break. Might also be contributing to the loss. They make me just ever so slightly nauseated… Or maybe it’s the idea of dating… Whatever it is, I’ll take the loss.
I haven’t worked out since Sunday. I was in kelowna for a walk/yoga workshop. Beautiful class, an hour walk, 15 min meditation, and then a 2 hour yoga class. My right calf was sore, once I warmed up it was ok, but I think I strained it Saturday. I was out for a run when it finally stopped raining. There is lots of clay on the paths by my house. I slipped on the wet clay, and caught myself before I fell in the mud. I should have just fell, it would have been dirty, but catching myself resulted in the strained muscle and a sublexed bone in my foot, which popped back into place during yoga. A couple days rest and a whole lotta muscle rub… It does feel better. Today I plan on a short bike and some yoga in the park by my house. If the sun holds out… Happy hump day, I’m hoping some yoga and maybe chocolate will help me out of this funk I feel today. Yeah, the sun is shining, I posted a loss, and there are a million things to be grateful for, but today I am feeling a funk…

for my “wife” who needed a good blogging…

I am wavering, and struggling. Do I feel like my sexiest self? No. Do I feel thin? Not overly. Have I attained my goal? No. 7 months to lose 50 pounds. It has been 6 months and I have lost 20. However… I am wearing clothes that I wore when I was 155 lbs. I have proof.

20120624-192059.jpgWhile I was skinny and sad, Cherise got married. (See picture of wedding day to left, happy day…)  I have a beautiful tailored bridesmaid dress. It has been sitting in a closet dry-cleaned and in a bag for the last 4 years. I pulled it out of the plastic and attempted to put it on, just to see where I was at. Because as most of you know, everyone suffers a little body dysmorphia, You are not always the best judge of how you look. But this dress… measured and ordered, then tailored again so it fit like a scarlet satin glove. I Pulled it on, shocked that it fit, hooked, zipped, and with no undergarments. I think It is still a little tighter than it was those years ago. But it also means the shape of my body is close, close to what it was but with 30 extra pounds added. Where are those 30 lbs? I remember feeling skinnier before…Usually I keep extra weight in my bra, but the dress fit…

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In the same dress, yesterday

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I was working for that shape, why do I need to be lighter? Do I? Will I feel better? Does the earths’ gravitational pull on my body, and the ensuing number on the scale really matter? Will I ever be satisfied with my body? I will always have big boobs, and an ass. Will the compulsion I have to work out all day sundays ever pass? When? When I have a six pack? Or when I can do inversion pushups? Really, those feats are just party tricks. I have other party tricks…

I haven’t seen a nutritionist. I haven’t made or achieved any fitness goals. But I do feel measures better. I see beauty, I love being outdoors, and off my half-a-couch, I have regained my positive attitude. I am slowly getting my swagger back. I don’t know that I’ll ever get back the brash confidence of my youth. But I am aware of my ability to smolder, and sometimes I do feel sexy again. (especially when I slide on an old faithful pair of jeans or dress). I am not one to give up. I have 1 more month until I reach my 7 month milestone. It wouldn’t be healthy to lose 30 lbs in 1 month. But is the 50 lbs the most important thing? Will I feel like a failure without those numbers staring back a me? Do I keep going until I reach “the number”? Do I arbitrarily invent a new goal and time line? (That’s what happened last time) What is going to happen to my blog? Will I stop? I know I’ve slowed down considerably since starting, but isn’t the blogging part of a maintenance program? What will I write about? Adventures in dating? The humdrum of everyday life? Weekly weigh-ins probably aren’t in the cards either. Not if I want to be balanced, which I do.

There are a mess of questions in these paragraphs… and not many answers…unfortunately none of you can answer these questions for me. I will be working on answering them for the next month. I am open to suggestions…

hump day already????

I feel like I have had no down time this last week.  I’m still on the fence wether it’s a good thing, or a bad thing.  I weighed this morning, a slight loss, but still a loss… 183.8.  I didn’t have time to measure, but it’s time…  I’m going for a walk right now, it’s starting to look like it may rain…

fashas day

I think the date was a success.  This isn’t a relationship blog, so I’m only going to share the details that pertain to my self image and weight loss.  So, I wore a dress I’ve had forever, and always makes me feel sexy.  But most of all, for the first time in 10 years I went on a date.  Got out of my house, into a dress, and had a stranger buy me dinner.  I was a little nervous, but he was great.  Either he is a genuinely nice guy, or very good at all this… And I’m fine with both. 

Thursday after the date, I was completely useless… but away a couple pallets of beer but no cardio.  Friday I did a barre class followed by a run in the sunshine.  I met a lovely elderly lady on the trail, she was in town for a bridge tournament, and we had the same pace when I walked. We chatted for 15 min, until she looped back.  This date regardless of how it ultimately ends, has been a HUGE boost to my self esteem.  And not for any other reason but that I went out for it.  Although It is nice to hear you are beautiful, you cannot hold all your water in that bucket!  Friday after work I went to the foam party, but wasn’t feeling the foam, it was entertaining as HELL to watch.  

Saturday I spent all day cleaning and organizing my house, trying to sift thru the junk from my storage unit.  I have 2 rubbermaid containers full of just pictures…oh some memories in those boxes!  And then started to get ready for another date, shaved my legs, and had a good body scrub, but he cancelled.  Shit.  So I went for a carbo load with the girls.  A couple Drinks, some salty deep fried food, and a lot of laughs.

Today I was up early to come to Kelowna.  Mat2Mat hour yoga class on bennett bridge.  It was a bit of a smozzle, but not everyone can afford to enlist my organizational skills.  LOL.  Felt so wonderful to do a few sun salutations in the sun with an amazing view of the lake.  Now afar a blogging, lunch with my parents and dinner with my ex.  Just a good little sunday…

I am having a struggle.  I feel like I need to reevaluate my goal, I am wearing old clothes, and I feel good.  Do I really need to attain that number on the scale?  Is it even a real thing?  More on that later…

Hump Day!

I didn’t sleep much the last couple days, I don’t know what was up monday night, but last night I was excited. I have a date tonight.  I hope I like him as much in real life as I do via text!  I had two other dates lined up, but I wasn’t excited like this, and I managed to get out of both of them.  LOL.  I guess my problem is that I really like myself, and I have a hard time finding time to spend with people I LOVE.  I’d rather hang out with my awesome self than endure spending time with someone I don’t like.

Anyways, not the best week for exercise, I drank a LOT of wine, Thanks Vanessa, was lovely!  I made butter tarts, and cookies, and banana bread. But it was raining, and a girl needs to bake when it’s soggy outside!

The scale today was 185.2.  so not much, but a loss… respectable…  I have to get to work… have a great day, wish me luck tonight!

6 months difference

Tomorrow is hump day

You faithful readers deserve a nice long blogging… And I need one as well. I have been so busy, and agonizing about my goals, a good blog will help. I must say it does feel good to fit into old clothes better than I remember them fitting when they were new! I wish I had taken measurements of my legs and a few more pictures when I started, but feeling heavy makes cameras daunting… Tomorrow weigh in. Have a great day!

I’m sorry

I know I’ve been neglecting my blog again. I was filled with insatiable laziness. Today I am going thru my closet to get rid of some stuff, really I need to make room so I can fit all the crap from my storage unit in my space. It feels AMAZING to try on clothes that I haven’t worn in years. And to put stuff in the “to go away” bag that is too big! I was so proud of my butt in these jeans…

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I’m so lazy this week… I didn’t even weigh on the right day!!

I forgot yesterday. I didn’t make more than a couple shakes last week, and I lived on my couch, I didn’t exercise, until yesterday and the day before. So I was nervous about stepping on the scale. 185.4. Whew!

Something about this week

I have been cozied up on my couch, watching madmen, cooking up a storm. I feel like a sloth. But, I’m going to cut myself a little slack. I will not give up on dieting, just taking a vacation, I wonder how much I’ll gain… We will see on hump day!