Monthly Archives: July 2012

It’s raining, it’s pouring, I wasted my morning snoring.

So here I am, curled up in a chair at starbucks.  I should be doing my liquor order.  But I wanted to blog instead.  I sabotaged myself this morning.  I LOVE the barre class on fridays, but today despite brilliant sunshine, an alarm of “I’m sexy and I know it”  and 6 text messages.  I put a pillow over my head, and stayed in bed till 11:30.

For those of you that know me, this is CRAZY.  I am the worst at sleeping in.  I had an anxiety ridden week.  I really like a man, who isn’t ready for all this awesome.  I am ashamed to admit, I haven’t been taking very good care of myself.  I forget that despite how I’m feeling now I will be OK.  I blocked out that a few short months ago I spent my free time on my half a couch crying.  Now don’t get me wrong, my week was, in comparison to a few months ago, or even a year ago, AMAZING.  And it’s another week where my friends and family made me feel so LOVED.  SO why?  Why am I anxious, not eating, listless?  And why did I stay in bed instead of going to a class I LOVE?  I guess because I’m dumb.

Week was amazing, tuesday Cherise and Mia came down for a visit.  Wednesday I went for a walk and sushi with my girl T.  Thursday L&T drove down and took me on a proper date.  Showed up with flowers, we had dinner at the wild scallion, easily the best place for dinner in penticton, a lovely walk along the beach, and then ice cream.  Funny, because threesomes don’t usually start with dinner, just drinks…lol!!!

I have not been on POF.  I guess I have been so consumed by my imagined boy troubles.  I look at my match.com matches because they send me an e-mail, but they keep sending me the boy I am all twisted over.  I have spent my time reading thru the blog Banks linked in my comments.  I am tempted to do something like it.  Really tempted.  Maybe a date for every pound I’ve lost?  And then what kind of timeline should I go for?  It might be entertaining.  Should it be something I do after I reach my goal weight?

I do have a revamped weight loss goal.  I joined “TEAM tightpants”  With Micah and Brooke and all the good VI peeps.  The goal is to lose 5000 lbs as a group by november.  I only have 16lbs left to lose.  Wow,  only 16 lbs, that is CRAZY.  It’s the first time I really though about it.  As soon as I figure it out, I’ll add a link.

While I’ve been blogging my phone has been blowing up, text text text, so I’m going to go home and shower, I have a date.  Wish me luck!

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Finally… But I was out having fun…

So I weighed this morning. 175.4. Another loss! I did get more exercise this week. Lets see if I can remember… thursday I worked extra late. Friday I woke up and did the ballet sculpt and stretch (used to be the barre). I went to work, and then had an “interesting” eve, dating is hard.

Anyways… Saturday morning I was off bright and early to try Paddle board Yoga. It could have been potentially disastrous seeing I had never been on a paddle board before. It was a little on the expensive side, $50 but an hour and a half class on the lake in the morning was pretty spectacular! I LOVED it. Really felt it in the core, and it was nice to be outside in the sun. After a shake I changed and went out on the boat with my Landlord and some of his friends, was a beautiful afternoon on the boat. Some nachos at the pub and a couple beer, was turning out to be an amazing summer day. I had lined up a date from POF for that evening, and was meeting this guy in Oliver, 30 min or so south. Well, long story short, he looked MUCH older than he had disclosed on his profile (like 20 years older!) And was… a troll of a man. It may have been the longest 35 minutes of my entire life. Luckily I had an escape plan and I went back to penticton to have a drink with one of my girl friends. Did I mention how much Dating sucks?

Sunday I wanted to sleep in and feel sorry for myself. I went on one first date after 10 years, and it was AMAZING. the two since he disappeared were so terrible…Would I ever have another good date?? I had a kayaking date with one of my girls in Kelowna, so I peeled myself out of bed and made my way up there. We had a great visit, an hour kayaking followed by matcha tea coconut latte and tiramisu! I was going to visit with my parents then catch up on true blood with my ex. But I had a couple hours in the afternoon. I was going to use that time to blog, but instead I organized a last min date with a guy in Kelowna. He was tall, attractive, conversational and interesting. A SUPER alpha male type, played junior hockey, volunteer firefighter, hunts, and was a real mans man! We had a chat for a couple hours, but there wasn’t any fireworks. It was just fine. It renewed my hope in first dates. I had dinner at my parents and we went over to survey the garden spaces mom has been tending, we were caught in an absolute DOWNPOUR! I went from there to the ex’s where he baked cookies (I made the batter and put it in his freezer) and we caught up on True Blood. Was a spectacular weekend!

Monday I did’t want to go to work, and I just couldn’t shake this anxious feeling. Almost on the verge of a panic attack, I can’t explain why, I just had a great weekend, and I had NO reason. But… that’s how I felt! After work I went for a walk. I was SO SLOWWWWW. I haven’t kept up my regiment. And then went to chill and hang with a friend who has A/C.

Today was a dermatologist appointment. I waited 5 months for an appointment that lasted 15 min. He told me the bump on my face was a mole, and he burned off a mole on my arm. May have been less than 15 min. But good to keep on top of those things. Cherise and Mia came down for a visit, was a great evening, and now after blogging I’m off to bed, I need to get up extra early for a walk, I’m not OK with being so slow!

Just a quick one

I weighed this morn, I have another .8 and another small loss, impressive considering I only had one day of exercise! 177.8. I have registered for the barre Friday, paddle board yoga Saturday and kayaking Sunday! Bring on the weekend!!

Everyone needs a friend that thinks they are too skinny.

I have one. One guy who when I was 205 lbs felt compelled to send me a Facebook message that he thought my face looked skinny and I better not be losing weight because I was perfect. Now a little context this is a 6’6 black man who lives in Tennessee. I met him years ago while visiting a friend at school, and we have kept in contact via email and Facebook. A good southern gentleman who doesn’t mind a little junk in the trunk, or a little spare tire. He would be more impressed by the dinner I put on the table than the dimples in my thighs (which are nearly all gone…). I thought of this today, one of my reps came into the store, asked me how I was doing, I replied I was starving (up early this morning to get some cardio before it got too hot and breakfast plus a shake wasn’t enough to hold me over). He says, “yeah looks like you are starving away to nothing lately!”. Another fan of a big trunk. Lol!
I do have a killer chunk of chocolate cake to eat, covered in caramel and pecans and brownie. Thank you Safeway for your culinary genius!

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The boy who disappeared for a little over a week re emerged last night, I guess he had a broken cell phone. So really I was feeling deflated over nothing. I have lined up a couple dates for this week from POF. Those will be interesting!
I was stood up by a girlfriend last weekend, she said something that summed up to I was too negative, and she just really needed to have a good time. Haha! Interesting, and good to know! I thought friends were there to help you through those times, silly me… Must be my negative attitude….  I am spoiled, I have the most amazing, supportive and loving friends, that I have had for years.  I found it was a bit of a slap in the face, so I just need to re-prioritze… And find some more girlfriends…

20120717-170240.jpgCheck out this old school iPod shuffle.  It’s my ex’s.  He gave it to me to load with music, but I charged it to see what was on it. WOWZA!  I used it this morning on my 10k, and by the end my face hurt from laughing and smiling on my walk.  I even stopped a couple times to break it down and have a dance party for one on the trail.

So after some cardio, I find it easier to cope with the world, I may have to peel myself outa bed at 5 am on a regular basis.  I am a little worried about the weigh in this week, I haven’t had any exercise but work.

I may not weigh till thursday this week, On my way to get ready, I have a hot date with my wife…

Might be time for a gym membership

I may not be able to resist any longer. I love being outside, and really would rather do pushups in the yard like I am in Jail. But… I’m so ridiculously fair. By the time I get, sunscreen, bug repellent, cool and breathable clothing, and enough water, it’s a pretty big production. I do have a camel back, water pack, but after one year in revelstoke drinking, I mean… playing ball… it still faintly tastes of Malibu. And I do believe that was the year I puked and rallied, so malibu and me have been friends off ever since.

The gym might be another place I can go to passively be around people. Starbucks is wonderful and all, but frappaccinos just to come down here, with no exercise could be potentially bad for my waistline.

I just had some retail therapy… I want to be able to wear the new clothes I bought! I went for a dress, and a new belt, seeing as most of mine are too long nowadays. Ended up with 2 dresses, a belt, a shirt, a pair of skinny, skinny pants, a swim suit and a pair of shorts. I have been really disciplined about my retail therapy lately. Not waitressing I make considerably less money, and with such a tiny house, I’m running out of places to put things. But this week with no exercise, a hellish week at work, the boy I liked vanishing off the face of the planet, and the one year of my Ex moving out, I’m feeling pretty tender. Torn between putting on my house pants and hiding in my house with a gigantic box of tissues and a tub of ice-cream, or headed out of the town. The prior is winning out, but that won’t help this lonely feeling.

So gym. Looks like it should be a priority.

; )

Hello Wednesday, I have a feeling you can go F-yourself…

I have been at work 10-12 hours everyday this week.  I’m not going to lie, I don’t LOVE my job.  It has it’s ups and downs, but I do it for the money.  Not the love.  I know, do what you love and it never feels like work, and blah… blah… blah… But they pay my bills, mostly, put a roof over my head, and give me a car to drive.    The warm weather, brings everyone in complaining about the heat, to buy beer and coolers.  The next time someone says “It’s hot out there!”  I’m going to act surprised, like this news is shocking…  “REALLY???”  I’ll say, “how UNUSUAL for SUMMER!!!”  Sometimes I want to reach across the counter and bitch slap someone.  I do work in an air conditioned space, and the cooler is a frigid 2 or 3 degrees celcius, so our beer is cold.  But… It has been one marathon day after another.  And HUGE orders, 13-20 pallets of product that needs to be put away.  Every week.  I am responsible for the ordering, I am just basically guessing at what we will sell.  And hoping I don’t miss something big… Plus with the break in last week, and some large cash shortages, I’m feeling like I want to run away.  It’s not a jellyfish… right Cherise?  LOL!

 

I did weigh this morning, but with work and it being hot outside, (so strange for summer in Penticton…) I can’t really walk or run without giving myself heat exhaustion… I wonder if maybe my muscle mass has decreased…although hoofing away 13-20 pallets of product is aerobic exercise…

Weight 179.8.  Another  damn .8 but almost a pound loss again this week, and I know I’m retaining water.

 

I wish my mental state made the same progress the scale numbers made… Well they went down… and so did my spirits a bit… they do match!

 

Speaking of match… I have been on match.com for the past couple months.  I have had some interest, and that is where I met the boy I went on a date with.  Mostly I’ve been apathetic about the whole thing, obviously, because I’m a little dense in real life internet dating has its ups and downs too.   LOTS of crazies…

 

The guy I went on the date with, I did see a few more times, and we texted every night.  I really like him.  Or… liked him?  We have lots in common, and I had to stop myself from getting carried away!  Last week I invited him over to my house, and as things worked out, he stood me up… twice… in a row.  Well now, both nights he did have good reason, and I wasn’t angry.  But my feelings were hurt.  As a result of my hurt feelings, I was a little bit of a brat, and he hasn’t returned my 2 texts since last week.  Yes it’s only Wednesday… but from every day to nada?  My ego is a little punctured.  So I put a profile on Plenty of Fish.  My phone has been buzzing non stop since I posted.   It’s like a vegas slot machine dinging and vibrating… but no money has come out…?  I find POF super depressing.  I don’t want to be 50 years old trying to “hook-up”.

 

And it makes me think.  When I was a well developed 15 year old, a boy at subway put his phone number in my sandwich bag… so romantic…  I agreed after seeing his sandwich artistry  to go on a date.  He was older, 25.  I wasn’t old enough to drive, and he, surprise, surprise, didn’t have a car.  My Mom drove me to his house for our “date” we were going to play pool and head to the beach.  My Mom is a super smart lady.  She didn’t forbid me from going, although it must have physically PAINED her to drop me off.  She simply said to me, “Ask yourself while you are with this boy, what a 25 year old man is doing with a 15 year old girl, and why he doesn’t have a girlfriend his own age…” I think I realized quickly what was up, and she came and picked me up from the beach.  I think of that often now on POF.  And now, that guy is only 42, and within a reasonable dating age range.   Fricking 50 years old????  Thanks honey… but I already have a dad…

 

Ok so this week, is the last week of my advent to B-day.  Monday I failed to do something good.  I worked 13 hours.  Tuesday I saw L&T and had had my lash extensions done, and today I spent extra time blogging and chatting up some bike geeks from Colorado at Starbucks.  I need to fill the rest of my week with awesome so I don’t cry, or drink, or both, simultaneously, while eating chocolate cake.  On my half-a-couch.  And some exercise besides moving boxes… I need to post a loss on the scale, and a gain in my spirits.  Happy hump day.

Finally…

I missed you lovelies yesterday. I think you may have missed me too… as the day wore on, my usual blog readers called, texted, or messaged me to see what was up. The blog has suffered in the past few weeks, but every hump day I squeeze in a couple lines!

Here is what happened, I had been in Kelowna hanging with my ex. We had dinner and watched a couple episodes of true blood. The last years we were together it was the only thing we did together, I heard this is the last season… anyways… got home around 1am, asleep shortly after 2. I was rudely awakened by a phone call at 3:50 am. The manager of the pub next door was called because of a glass break, when he arrived, it was actually the store that had the smashed window. Some punks had put a rock thru the window and tried to steal the Texas mickey (4.5L) of grey goose, (an aside, some relatively handsome man with a spanish accent just told me I was beautiful and could he buy me some coffee… Wowza, I love blogging at starbucks) They couldn’t get the bottle, and ended up smashing it on the floor. So sad… but since I was there and waiting for the glass guy, I did end up working, I went home for a mini nap and a shower, but less than 4 hours sleep, I didn’t have time to weigh in the morning and was a zombie most of the day.

I weighed this morning… 180.6. Down 1.2 pounds. that’s ok, considering I haven’t exercised, actually worked every day but saturday, And I spent all day saturday sitting in my car. D and I took a day trip to Omak washington. We hit up JC Penny, walmart, and walgreens, We had some decent authentic mexican, now don’t get me wrong, it was no mamas, but decent, fast and affordable. And out server kept rubbing my arm…A little weird, but I think I’m getting my game back. Maybe…

Now I am not stupid, but sometimes I am a little obtuse. It’s funny how 10 years in a relationship and 50 (30 now) pounds change your perspective on things. I do not see myself as a sex symbol? Is that the term I’m looking for? Maybe because I served for years, I think people are just really nice to me, I don’t realize they are flirting. It seems like a person needs to take me by the shoulders, give me a firm but gentle shake, look deep into my eyes and say “Hey dummy… I like you, let’s date” (I love 30 rock…)

Canada day I walked down to the bandshell (7k), hung with a bunch of awesome girls, watched the band and the fireworks, then we headed out for a couple drinks. After a hour or so at the pub we headed to the bar, open till 4 am. I had to be a grown up and go to work on monday, So I begrudgingly went to the bar…for one, MAYBE two… but that was it! Standing in the crowd, a tall handsome man approached us, he wanted a picture, I asked if he always took pictures of strangers, he said yes, and pulled a camera out of his pocket. He was a whole lot of fun. Like a ray of sunshine. we chatted for a bit, he was funny, we traded flashing things, I gave him my shutter shades (red flashing for canada day) and he put some flashing LED thing in my tank top. He said, “now I’ll be able to find you” So cute. Tall, nice teeth, a dimple on one side (of his face MOM, I know what you are thinking), blonde. We wandered around and MAYBE 2 turned into 2 am. Everytime we passed by him, we would chat, my friend left for a bit, and he took it upon himself to make sure I was not left un attended, taking my hand thru the crowd. I liked him. Sweet and funny. When I realized what time it was, I decided that 8 am would come early and I said goodbye, I know he lives in Kelowna, and most of the people he was with were from vancouver. I thanked him for entertaining me, and left. There was a crazy line up still at 2 am to get in, and not a cab in sight. I was far too impetuous to wait for a cab, so I started my walk home. I did not realize it was 10k from the bar to my house. Walking home 10k at 2 AM was NOT the smartest thing I could have done, but at least I had the good sense to phone Vanessa for a chat as I walked. It took 49 min, so it was more of a run home. I was chatting with her and telling her about this darling sweet man I had met, when she asked, “so… get his number?” I stopped. Dead stopped on the sidewalk about 4 k away from the bar. “no… um, I didn’t even think of that.” I hadn’t even thought about it. We were having a good time, why complicate it with future plans. Nah… he didn’t even like me like that… Oh my, I am, SO DUMB. Plus the Man who approached me at the beginning of the blog… I told him I was flattered but not interested. LOL! So dumb… I didn’t know what else to say, I needed to focus on my blog.

Ah well. so another loss, and I could have done better with the exercise. I am single and available, most days… who wants to set me up? LOL. Happy belated hump day all, hope you get a chance to enjoy the sunshine this weekend!

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