I spent most of the morning crying. I soaked up a dozen kleenex while trying to get stuff done at work. My poor ex… I managed to coincide my meltdown with him texting me, and he was a good sport consoling me thru it. He really did, and I’m sure in some facet still does love me.
I’m having a pity party. I should be grateful for the following:
1. I have a long list of people who love me (and am skilled at alliteration)
2. I have a job, and the working conditions generally are good
3. I have a home, and enough food, heat, water etc.
4. I am healthy, not battling some sickness or ailment
5. I have a body very close to the same as I had in high school, likely even better
6. I have most of my own teeth, there is just that one fake one
7. I am intelligent, compassionate and thoughtful
8. I am reasonably attractive and personable
9. I have minimal stresses and I really only NEED to worry about myself
10. The sun is shining and I can sit here at starbucks and blog.
However… I couldn’t remember any of those things long enough to stop crying today.
As you can see by my lack of blogging MrNRN came thru, his car broke down, but he was determined not to stand me up again… He came over and we had a WONDERFUL time. I really like him, but this isn’t good for me. When I’m with him, I am completely wrapped up in him… But I need to let him go, the timing isn’t right, and it’s a shame. He can’t and I can’t live in between waiting.
Thank you Libs for the phone call, 58 min on the phone was fantastic, and just what I needed, how on earth did you know to call?? ❤
OK, so before the date Wednesday I fit in a run, was decent, Thursday I stacked Beer, but was really pretty useless at work, Drifting on a cloud. Thursday night I had a date, nice guy, I’ll get to him…
Friday I had a pirate party to go to, fun time, and got me and my girl T out and meeting new people. At the pirate party I picked up an hour gig for saturday night Pouring wine and playing a character in a french maid outfit. I have one from when I worked in the nightclub, and it was an easy $70. Feels good to fit into those old clothes, and to even have a little extra room…
Saturday I stayed in bed till 12:30! It was the start of my pity party… I got out of bed because I had a date, a delightful man, I’ll get to him soon. We went out to Naramata for a paddle board and then a late lunch at Hillside. It was a windy day, so balancing and paddling was more work than the last few times I have gone. My arms were a little sore. I only had time to get home and shower before heading out to the winery for my “acting” gig.
Sunday was ironman, the last one for pentiction, and I had never been. I got up early and walked down to the lakeshore, I watched the start of the race, and milled around amongst the swells of people. It’s pretty impressive, all the athletes, and volunteers, family, fans, supporters. Really cool atmosphere. I stuck around and watched the swim-bike transition, I love triceps, and bike nerds, and even those sperm shaped racing helmets. I was inspired… I want to do a triathlete. Not a triathlon…that shit is crazy, but one of those guys… yes please! LOL! I was just chatting with Libs about my love of bike nerds and she suggested I post a flyer at the bike shops, I bet I could get a date out of it, but do I post a picture of me? Or my bike… Or my bike with a list of mods I’d like to make to it?
I have been too busy feeling sorry for myself to eat, I’ve been spending most of my time in bed. This needs to stop. Not eating doesn’t make anything easier to deal with, in fact, makes you CRAZY. No one will treat you any better than you treat yourself. I need to treat myself better. Let go of MrNRN, you can’t force a flower to bloom. Get between 7-10 hours of sleep per night, no more, no less. Buy groceries, and then EAT them. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Go visit my parents. Leave work early (I had a girl quit with no notice so my schedule is a little intense until I can get someone trained…) Get 60-90 minutes of exercise everyday. Cut myself some slack, It’s been a full year of intense emotions, and continuous change. Catch up on the dates I’ve been on for my blog. Post a current picture, it’s a month past due! I have a plan… I feel better already…