There is a hole in my marble bag.

Hump day yesterday, and I weighed, was rushing out the door for a 7:30 am dentist appt. Yay scaling! No polishing, and that is my favorite part. But… not necessary I guess. I have beautiful teeth. Thank you Mom and Dad for the time and thousands you put in. Love you. I also do not have dental coverage, so It’s an investment for me. Anyways… weighed, and exactly the same as last week. This is surprising for a number of reasons. I have been eating pub food and chocolate cake every day. I have been to starbucks enough times to get a free beverage (15) in the last 10 days. Being on antihistamines and antibiotics all week, eating, getting out of bed, and making an effort to stop feeling sorry for myself have been a CHORE. My spider bites are nearly gone, finally! Also a full moon last week, always makes me feel a little sluggish. Apparently, according to my yoga teacher, it is a real thing. Full moons and new moons will directly effect a persons energy levels. Ask anyone who gets to deal with the public. The full moon can be a mutherf-er!

I have managed to pace back and forth in my self pity long enough that I now find myself in a rut. I have no reason to feel insecure, or sad, really… none. I am HOT dammit. LOL! I am smart, and people like me! Maybe some Jack Handy self affirmations are in order, or was he the deep thoughts guy? I get daily texts from an array of the most wonderful people. My friend C away at camp, my Ex, Cherise, Libby, The lovely Mr & Mrs Dew, and so many more. I am Loved, why do I cry everyday? It needs to stop. I’m a little torn up about MrNRN, but he was “stealing my milk” And too much of my emotional time and energy was being spent chasing him. I will, I’m sure, shortly here, feel free. And I can enjoy my milk. 🙂 It’s not why I cry. I maybe need some exercise endorphins. Being medicated last week, I felt like a zombie, and aside from my date saturday have spent the majority of my time in bed or at work. I’m not sure what it is, just lonely? No posse in effect in pen? Not enough scheduled activities?

Feels like every time I chase down a “marble” (problem) and get it into my “bag”(life), another one goes clattering to the floor. I spent 30 min this morning crying on the shoulder of my Beer delivery driver. He has adopted me as a “daughter” sort, he’s known me for 6 years or so. He looked at me and said, “You don’t look your usual self?” and I dissolved into sobs. He just let me leak all over his shirt sleeve while he hugged me and said, “You have so much to offer, it’ll get better” His recommendation is a new hobby. Sound advice.

I will get out of this rut. I need a running start, here’s hoping I don’t bite it hard and knock out one of my beautiful teeth.

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