Is that your best angle?

I should be working… I have an order to do… but I’d rather spend my time here with you.  Still not ready to address why I am a mess, but I will…

Dating is all about representation.  I was going to say online dating, but I think all of it.  Regardless of how you meet someone, and even the type of relationship ,the same applies to friendships and work bonds.  Some people have elaborate presentations, fake pictures, rehearsed scripts.  Some have lots of make-up, flashy clothes or cars.  If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull shit.  The entire process is like panning for gold, you find a spot, and start sifting through the dirt, the sieve getting smaller and smaller.  You get excited when you see a little sparkle, wash it off, hold it close, and then take it in to find out it’s just fools gold.  The odd time you luck out, and get the real ore… but it takes a lot of looking.  I have a metal allergy… I can ONLY wear gold.  (really this is true)  So I have a task ahead of me, even silver gives me a rash.  I am looking for gold.

But… you have to sift through a whole pile of dirt.  I was telling Candace, there must be something about the look in my eye… or the shape of my face, something about me says, “send this girl pictures of your junk.” She suggested it had NOTHING to do with my face.

This phenomenon is not a new development.  I am sure I’m not the only one this happens to?  Single ladies, get pictures of mens business?  Guys, does this move work?  Send a girl an erotic picture and she’s your forever?

I was 20 when I got my first penis picture.  The internet was still relatively new, and digital cameras had not yet caught on.  This guy, who was just friends (obviously not a good judge of interest, even then), worked himself up, and scanned in his junk, plopped it right on the cold glass of a scanner and e-mailed me the resulting picture.  Along with a cute note explaining the glass was cold… sure… sure…  I had my MOM help me scan my boobs and send him a picture back.  Ever seen boobs squished on glass?  Looked like albino eggs,not flattering, but funny as hell.  (Thanks for being such a good sport mom, I believe the e-mail was sent to her e-mail account too, because I never checked mine).

If I had kept all the penis pictures over the years, I could have quite an impressive picture book.  Via e-mail, and now text.  Of course I do not keep them.  The last thing I need is a phone full of cock.  Well… maybe not the last thing I need…

The first person who contacted me on Match, (who I never did meet up with, safety first) was text messaging me one monday afternoon.  We chatted a bit, and he sent a couple pictures, his dog, a face/bare chest shot, and then his junk in some dirty old boxer briefs.  Really???  I started to LAUGH.  I’m not a novice at getting these pictures, but I was a little shocked, so once I blotted the tears from laughing from my eyes I asked him if it was a real time monday afternoon picture.  He said it was from a couple nights before, so I asked “you just keep those pictures on your phone to spring on girls???”  We hadn’t even met in real life.  And honestly, it didn’t look from the picture like that was his best feature.  If you have a monster in your shorts… heck yes, give a girl a heads up, so she can mentally prepare…do some stretches… but this… not really in need of a warning.

I was thinking of this because the other night I had a midnight text… you guessed it…short, (hahaha) simple, picture message.   Nothing like opening one eye to look at your phone, and having a “one eye” looking back at you.


4 thoughts on “Is that your best angle?

  1. Heatheroo says:

    LOL! Yea… dont know what goes through a guys mind to send pics like that, I like the cheekness of you sending your squished boobs back! I personally never have been bold enough to do something quite that nature.. the closest was a friend of mine sending me a bare moon of his 4 year old son for a laugh, so as a retort I scanned through some of Todds dirty magazines and sent him back a pic of the nicests spread uh.. bum.. I could find! We all got a laugh, even his wife!! Seriously (she is my bestfriend! LOL!) To this day, her hubby still thinks it was ME, Im so flattered! But as I said before… it was done JOKINGLY. Now why would a guy do it to a girl he hasnt met… uh… I dont think jokes would really apply this early in the relationship… unless he WANTS to you laugh at his manhood??? :S LOL!

  2. NolaM says:

    So there we were, In the living room where the computer was.
    Get everything done and sent off, She leaves to phone him and laugh about it…
    I look over at the full length windows with no curtains.
    It is dark out with full lights on in the house…facepalm…Our poor neighbours…
    Fortunately there were no accidents on the street so I guess everyone missed the money shot.
    Except the recipient… I sure hope he didn’t hurt hisself. Wink

    Your father started singing this… LOL

  3. Vanessa says:

    i’ve never recieved a penis picture…and i’v asked for them..

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