I choose to be happy

So what was wrong with me a couple weeks ago?  Really… What’s wrong with everyone?
I had an intense 2 day yoga workshop last weekend. It was 2-5 hours practice each day over 3 days, plus a demonstration and lectures. Oh and a Thai feast, pretty great way to spend a weekend. I unfortunately had little time, and despite being in kelowna for 3 days, didn’t see or talk many people. Vanessa met me for a drink Saturday night before I rubbed myself down with topical pain reliever and collapsed into bed.

One of the workshops was a lesson in meditation.  We did a couple exercises and tried to quiet the mind.  NOT an easy feat.  In the following lecture John (teacher) said “the mind creates suffering.”  Then he delved into the way ones mind is lazy and only gathers enough information to make a believable story.  He also talked about the “halo effect”  where someone has a distorted view of another based on limited information. The entire lecture spoke to me.

I was suffering from self imposed distress.  It was all in my mind.  I worry that #13 has a “halo” around me, but I cannot be responsible for how another person thinks of feels.  I was worried that I was selling myself short “giving up” on dating.  I was distressed MrNRN reads the blog.  I was only a “mess” because my mind had created the suffering.  I was chatting with my Dad, who wisely told me “If you need to talk to someone, but you don’t, maybe you didn’t need to.”  It was a different way of telling me to stop creating the suffering in my mind.  So… what am I saying?  I don’t know, I’ll have good days and bad, I’ll feel sorry for myself swinging to elated.  I’ll over think things and worry needlessly.  I’ll have a desire to “fix” things for people around me.  I’ll be hard on myself, and jump to conclusions.  But this is all normal.  And I need to remember… the mind is creating the suffering, and I choose to be happy.  I am a f-ing ray of sunshine.

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One thought on “I choose to be happy

  1. NolaM says:

    Try F’in in the sunshine…recommended highly…eyebrow wiggle.
    I applaud you getting all Zen master but you wouldn’t be YOU if you lost your intensity.
    Always been one of your best qualities. NOBODY celebrates, loves and embraces the world like you do.
    The first hint was how you felt about your brother…

    There are very few 4 year olds that a Mom would leave her 5 day old infant with to go put a rear end in a Mustang…
    It was in the way of the cradle in the living room…after corking my foot on it twice I said, “Hey, You want to look after the baby while I go slide this under the car?”
    Kind of set the pace for the relationship… Gary was HER baby after that.
    Was quietly hilarious when Caleb came along and Gary pointed out his ‘bunny ears’ and tiptoed off…

    You also have developed the gift of balance in a way so few people do.
    Give freely of that love, affection and concern without owning people around you.
    You are one of those rare earth mother hub type people that each person has a different angle of relationship with you but if you lose a spoke or two it still works until you replace that broken spoke.
    Your wheel does not roll happy until every one is OK… it is an ongoing process.
    That is why it has been so hard to see you lose so many people over the years in death…
    Most people draw away from people that are dying or leaving, protecting themselves.
    A lot of people become selfish and self protecting at the end of any relationship.
    That is not you… Even at the expense of your own pain and discomfort, you are still loving and supportive.
    It does not occur to you to be anything else. You are one of life’s givers, only ever a taker when it is not at another’s expense.
    That is so rare in this ME world. So I have no worries about #13.
    I cannot think of anyone who you have not shared time and life with that has not walked away a richer person because of it.
    You can’t take the pleasure and triumphs of fixing their own issues away from other people.
    Yes they generally do it all wrong… but your patches don’t ever fit the hole they need to fix.
    Maybe they need to learn the hard way and take more than one run at the hill.
    It often provides the scenic route of comedy, adventure and facepalm moments we all need.
    Like your father says… “You can’t underestimate the value of a good story.”
    That is not to say that you can’t offer to push while they work the steering and brakes.
    …and THAT… is how you raise teenagers… LOL
    It has been one of our life’s gifts that our whole family is heavily populated with ‘keepers’.
    So yeah,,, just keep on being exactly who you are, the rest of us mortals will try to keep up. Grin.
    Mom hug.

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