So what was wrong with me a couple weeks ago? Really… What’s wrong with everyone?
I had an intense 2 day yoga workshop last weekend. It was 2-5 hours practice each day over 3 days, plus a demonstration and lectures. Oh and a Thai feast, pretty great way to spend a weekend. I unfortunately had little time, and despite being in kelowna for 3 days, didn’t see or talk many people. Vanessa met me for a drink Saturday night before I rubbed myself down with topical pain reliever and collapsed into bed.
One of the workshops was a lesson in meditation. We did a couple exercises and tried to quiet the mind. NOT an easy feat. In the following lecture John (teacher) said “the mind creates suffering.” Then he delved into the way ones mind is lazy and only gathers enough information to make a believable story. He also talked about the “halo effect” where someone has a distorted view of another based on limited information. The entire lecture spoke to me.
I was suffering from self imposed distress. It was all in my mind. I worry that #13 has a “halo” around me, but I cannot be responsible for how another person thinks of feels. I was worried that I was selling myself short “giving up” on dating. I was distressed MrNRN reads the blog. I was only a “mess” because my mind had created the suffering. I was chatting with my Dad, who wisely told me “If you need to talk to someone, but you don’t, maybe you didn’t need to.” It was a different way of telling me to stop creating the suffering in my mind. So… what am I saying? I don’t know, I’ll have good days and bad, I’ll feel sorry for myself swinging to elated. I’ll over think things and worry needlessly. I’ll have a desire to “fix” things for people around me. I’ll be hard on myself, and jump to conclusions. But this is all normal. And I need to remember… the mind is creating the suffering, and I choose to be happy. I am a f-ing ray of sunshine.