Monthly Archives: November 2012

David, the over-thinker

This man would send me a message, e-mail or text, then immediately send another after explaining, it seemed like he was soooo concerned I would be insulted, or would take things the wrong way. I don’t know where to start with this one… I feel bad for him.  Probably not the best way to start a relationship.  He isn’t well.  Had a serious injury and hasn’t worked in a few years.  It has been a long, hard, slow road to recovery, and recently a slip set his recovery back.  He has pain meds, and sleeping meds and meds for his meds, then meds for the side effects, he battles chronic depression, even before the injury, so he has meds for that too.  Eeeeee…  Can’t even go to physiotherapy, too much pain.  He also has a 13 year old daughter, apparently she is currently a handful.  Poor guy has been stuck with his own company for years, no wonder he over thinks everything.  We met at Tim Hortons for a coffee.  It cost me $1.07 for a mocha.  So cheep!  But the edible oil product where whipping cream should have been put me off a bit.  We chatted for an hour, about as long as the poor man can sit.  He is really sweet, had some terrible dating stories, women asking for money, and a couple “schemers”.  It was a nice chat, and not the most terrible way to spend an hour, but I don’t know I am capable to deal with the sheer volume and scope of his problems, nor do I want to.  Does that make me a terrible selfish person?  Ah… dating him because I sympathize or empathize his problems, or feel bad for him, isn’t healthy.  Look who is the over thinker now!!

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Tying up lose ends

I haven’t put my profile back on POF.  I’ve been feeling a little apathetic about it.  I really need to spend time organizing and purging my house.  I want to see my lovely “Wife” before she moves to another country.  I want to impress my new bosses at work, as I’m starting over with them.  Not something I’m afraid of, but… I like being an over achiever, I can’t just be good, I want to be the best.  I need to get a renewed dedication to the gym.  My Partner and I have taken turns being sick or on vacation for the last month, I am afraid to weigh…

I had an odd resurgence of old suitors, boys that I hadn’t talked to while I was with #13.   An aside, match.com sends me my best matches, yesterday that included #13, and today MrNRN was on the list…  Silly match… Any ways I had a couple dates this week, just tying up lose ends. Neither of these boys have the charm and wit of face raper.

Clifford the Big Red dog.

My day date was with a man, violently red hair.  Full ginger.  Ugh… I can cope with “day walkers” (that’s what face raper calls himself, ginger face hair…)  But full gingers, just don’t do it for me.  This guy has nice teeth, but the carrot colored hair poking out from under his hat… (insert Chelsea Handler visual here…) We met for a walk along the beach.  It was a beautiful day, cold, but sunny.  He rescues basset hounds.  He has 3 dogs ranging in age and size.  Sweet dogs, I was covered in dog spit.  We walked and chatted, he had a really rough year last year. Lost everything in a house fire, then had a TERRIBLE break up.  A knock down, throwing things, stealing money, restraining orders, assault charges, and a settled by a judge, separation.  Not fun.  It was a good walk and chat, He still, understandably, is angry and hurt, spent a good chunk of time talking about his ex.  I am thankful for the grown up and civil split, once again.  Clifford is a red seal chef, and he volunteers his time teaching young mothers to cook, how to make stock, de boning a chicken, making recipes, basic kitchen skills so they don’t have to buy expensive and terrible pre fab food.  He works 2 or 3 jobs trying to get his catering business established.  He is driven, too bad about that hair…  I may see him again, I really liked his dogs.

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Need some motivation

I went on a day date yesterday, and I have a coffee date tonight, so many things to do… So little time, I haven’t even made it to the gym in a week. I am well rested…

Face raper and the real date.

I am nervous about writing this one.   Ok, I feel like I’m preying on this boy.  But he’s not a boy, he is… he is really great.  Honestly, he could handle it if I was.    After being angry early in the week I decided I would not wait till after christmas before I started dating.  #13 made it clear he’s not coming back.  Plus… Do I look like the kind of girl that stays at home sobbing and feeling sorry for herself?  DAMMIT, NO!!! (OK, sometimes yes… but not this time!)

I had planned on being in kelowna friday, I sent face raper a facebook message, and he texted me back on friday.  A quick drink and then the rockets game.  I hadn’t been to a rockets game in easily 10 years.  He had planned ahead and gotten tickets, we had great seats.

Conversation before the game over drinks was great, I realized I knew little about him, aside from the handful of times I had seen him out, and with Vanessa.  He went to school to be a welder, so good at man things, check.  Right now he is a farmer, growing grapes, employed, check.  He is pretty sporty, has played and watches lots of sports.  Does yoga, awesome.  Something especially sexy about a man that is flexible and strong, another check!  He is close to his family, his niece, pretty much his best friend.  I know what that’s like, having nephews and nieces that make my entire world turn.  That’s a double check.  He has nice teeth, check.  (I really have a weird thing about teeth)  He is interesting and funny, I am barraging him with questions, and he is taking them all in stride.

It was a short walk to the arena, the game had just started as we found our seats.  The Rockets laid a pretty good beating on the Pats.  At the end there was a bit of a scrimmage in front of us.  I can’t say I remember much of the last game I went to, I remember dancing on a speaker later in the night… I was 20 something and DRUNK.  This time, it was like there was no air in the Arena.  Kelowna fan base is older, and quiet.  I have been to a number of live sporting events (thanks mostly to my ex sporty spice)  Soccer, baseball, basketball, hockey, Football (CFL and NFL).  I would say is was the most demure crowd I’ve ever seen.

Having been up insanely early for work I was fading by the end of the game, and I still had to drive home.  He walked me to my car.  He is a delight, truly I think he is amazing.  As I go in for the hug, I’m hoping for another face rape .  He has all the best lines… this time he looked down at me and said, “We are going to do this” (I think, maybe it was just in my head again), then spit out his gum with impressive force and flourish… I got some more lip on mustache action.  This would be my second EVER first date kiss.  (MrNRN being the first, and last time I experienced the ‘stache we were not on a date).

We chatted in the car a bit, he is insightful, intelligent, funny, bubbling with personable charm.  This man has swagger, a sexy subtle confidence.  I have a full blown crush.  I didn’t let go of the fact I felt I was preying on him, which I would imagine, could potentially be emasculating.  Not my intention, it is my own insecurity, and I need to drop it.  In no way, shape, or form do I see him as anything less than a peer and an equal.  He knows about my blog, and I asked him if he would like to read, proof, approve of the post before I published it.  He didn’t care.  Confidence, chicks dig it.

He got out of the car, and as he was leaving, said… “you have my number…call me maybe…”  Seriously, all the best lines, and a mustache…swoon…

The degradation of communication.(A.K.A. Shit falls apart)

I spend too much time on my cell phone. I’m never without it, I use it all day everyday. In fact I’m using it right now. Sitting in a chair at the salon, blogging while I wait for my foils to process. I find my day at work lonely, my phone from 8-3:30 is my company, sure I have customers, but… 2 minutes at a time. I miss the social aspect of serving, you spend 20-40 minutes with people, and you get to know them, sometimes that’s good… Sometimes it’s not…
I Facebook a shameful amount, I’m always on there. I text message all day and all night. I check my email 5/6 times per day. I read thru twitter, I’m a dirty re tweeter.
I do enjoy talking on the phone, there’s a few people I regularly talk to, my mom and dad, Cherise, Micah, Libby. I find that I often cringe with the ring of my telephone, something has happened at work, or a telemarketer/survey, Canadian blood services always wants my blood, and they leave me guilt ridden messages (O neg). There’s a handful of other people who call, D, miss E, Candace and Vanessa. And #13. He used to call regularly.  After he broke plans last minute via text message, I had not seen or spoke to him.  He would return my texts… eventually…But I don’t feel like our communication was, well, it was closer to non existent. I had no idea what was going on, how he was feeling, coping, whatever, and the ignorance was reciprocated.  He had no idea I’ve been freaking out with the changes at work, he never asked how I was.  I had assumed we were done.  I dropped off a box of things for him, a bottle of the sold out wine we shared on the patio, some little gifty type things that I had been accumulating for him, nothing big, but hopefully thoughtful.  He did sent me a sweet text, but didn’t want to see me.  Pretty good indication, done done done done.

I have a tendency to drag these things on.  I have unusual relationships with men.  Well, actually lets open this up, I have unusual relationships with everyone.  I have unique friend experiences.  But with Boyfriends I want to be “friends”  I hold onto the things I like about people.  I still send my first serious boyfriend a message on his birthday, I listen to the CD’s he made me, nearly 14 years later I still consider him, although slightly removed, part of my life.  I have friends, male and female, that I’ve had for upwards of 20 years.  I always give people a second, or third or fourth chance.  I pour salt in those wounds and I hold on.  The text messages I got this week helped me make a clean break.  I was initially hurt, and that quickly vaporized into a searing anger, now I feel good.

#13 and I didn’t effectively communicate, he conveyed thru text message, he didn’t like my style of interaction, or my blog, and was hurt by the” face raper” story.  Basically inferred I had betrayed him.  I wanted to rant and vent and defend myself.  I never cheated on a boyfriend before, HE broke up with ME, how dare he insinuate!  Blah blah blah.  However… It isn’t important.  The long and short of it, there were too many NO boxes checked, for both of us.  I cannot remain friends with everyone, nor should I try.  It doesn’t make either of us bad people, just not great together, and that’s O.K.  I don’t have to answer to, or justify my actions to anyone but myself, (and god, or other said higher deity, you should believe in something larger than yourself, I believe in elephants).

I am an information share-er.  I always have been.  I feel that mostly, I am an effective communicator.  I will say what I think and feel, even when it is uncomfortable.  As you can tell by this blog, I have nothing to hide.  I think issues should be pulled out of their dark closets, and dragged out from under beds where they lurk, they should be laid out on the table, and dealt with.  Talked about, sorted into piles.  Some you have to put back and tackle later, or enlist help to deal with.  But leaving them in their dark and probably damp hiding places, they flourish like mold, that deadly black mold, and that shit will kill you.  Sometimes pulling those issues out and exposing them to light, they will just evaporate.  Sometimes just knowing someone else has a similar issue will help make it easier to cope with. When you are in a relationship, some of those problems should be tackled as a couple.  For better or for worse, right?  I’ve been a bridesmaid a few times, I think that’s how it goes…  My blog is personal, yes, it is me, it is one of the ways I communicate.  I took it personally when #13 didn’t “like” it.

The thing that bothered me the most about the exchange we had this week, likely our last, was that it was via text message.  I felt that it was an important enough subject to warrant a face to face or at least telephone interaction.  Now it wasn’t a 4 year relationship ended via text message like my date “Brave” had to cope with.  I realize the duration of our relationship (8 weeks), in the grand scheme of things is small beans.  But this man, I thought, was a good communicator, phoned me, and talked to me in person.

I love my cell phone and what it does for my everyday life, but the problem I see, it has created “zombies”  people don’t interact with one another because they are plugged into smart phones.  People don’t face uncomfortable conversations, they text.  Text message doesn’t convey tone, emotion or inflection.  At least not until I invent a much needed sarcasm font.  People can edit text conversations, so what they mean doesn’t always get written, and so much of what they actually mean gets lost in between letters.  I wonder if I could challenge myself to go an entire day without my cell phone?  Perhaps an entire day without texting?   Remind myself I have a phone for my convince, not everybody else’s… If I want to talk to someone I’ll call them, or go visit.  Maybe I would meet someone in the line up at Starbucks if I wasn’t buried in my status updates, of course providing they were not engrossed in their smart phone…

I went on a date last night… I’m excited to write about it!

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Struggling with my feelings

I am angry.  I am hurt.  I am sad.  I had a troubling text conversation yesterday.   I want to hide in bed, maybe have a good cry.  Watch some girl movies.  I feel that he may have had valid points, Has this ever happened to you?  Someone says something shitty about you and you believe it?  I want to hold onto my anger so I’m not sad, but not have so much anger it screws up my day.  Yesterday I was boiling mad.  The gym helps.  I have amazing friends that would honestly tell me if I was way off… but like a blister on your heel, this is irritating.  I will divulge details later, once I’m sorted.  I need to remember… it’s not a jelly fish.

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It was a dark and stormy night…

Does anyone else remember snoopy?  He would sit on top of his dog house with the typewriter, and his stories always started with “It was a dark and stormy night…” I’m warm and dry in Starbucks with an eggnog chai latte and a cranberry bliss bar, and my typewriter is a mac.

I had a great weekend.  I didn’t get a single thing accomplished, and my house is still a mess.  But I did have a good time.  Saturday after my nap I went to the gym.  I watched some guy do one handed push up on a medicine ball.  I was trying to calculate how I could “trip & fall” and roll right in to end up nose to nose with this fine specimen.  What a show off…  I’m not even sure he was good looking, but I was impressed.  Probably married.

A quick shower and I tore to Kelowna, I watched the new Bond movie with Vanessa & Candace.  It was good, cinematic, but more feeling feelings than most bond movies.  It made me miss #13 (made me miss him more, actually amazed at how much I miss him).  The shirtless scenes, caught my breath a little, #13 has a BEAUTIFUL body.  James Bond quality, muscular and manly, and I’m really into chest hair right now (and mustaches, but I’ll get to that…)  Afterwards we went for a drink and visit, I had dinner, lots of garlic, crab legs and caesar salad, (I wasn’t planning on having someone put their tongue in my mouth).  It was really great to visit with the girls, I hadn’t seen them since the surprise party.

Vanessa had some of her friends come to meet us.  They were far more drunk than we were, but they are pretty spectacular, always funny.  She has great taste in friends.  One of the boys that showed up has been around LOTS the last few months.  He is madly in love (lust? like?  He is really, really into Vanessa).  But because of her upcoming move she has kept her distance, fair enough.  I like him.  Think this kid is adorable.  He is just so tender and sweet.  I’ve joked around with him that he should let me take him on a date, as he is 6 years my junior, I was joking (mostly joking, he is so adorable).  Plus there is a girl code.  Vanessa is one of my favorite people and I would never want to do anything that may make her uncomfortable, or cause ANY pain.  It’s obvious he is crazy about her but the flirting has been escalating.  I just can’t help myself, I want to devour this poor kid.

He is growing a movember mustache… I have this odd fixation on mustaches.  I would beg my ex who could grow a full beard in a matter of days to, one night only, let me have the ‘stache.  He refused.  He could have grown a Magnum PI style duster, but absolutely refused. 10 years with him, I had never kissed a mustache, only beards. ( I like beards too, so sexy).  Anyways… so “Face Raper” sits on my lap and I tell him not only am I single and available, I’m also “mo” friendly.  He says he is too.  This guy is sunshine, loud, funny, personable, athletic.  The end of the night comes along and we are all hugging it out saying goodbyes.  I go to say goodnight to Face Raper, I get a hug and I linger, I’m considering going in to initiate a little stache kiss, but tormented by the fact he loves my wife and is sooooo younggggg.  I’m not sure if he said it, or I just thought it, but I heard “yep, this is happening”  and he went in for the kiss.  He put his tongue in my garlic mouth.  I pulled back and started laughing.  Now as I think of it I’m sitting in starbucks with this HUGE uncomfortable smile on my face.  I want to laugh and cringe at the same time.

So I look at him, and go back in for more, he kisses me with such force our teeth knock together.  I was face raped, and I liked it.  He says, “We just made a huge scene and no one noticed”  So I went back in for thirds. Cringe…  head shake… laughter.

Vanessa did notice, she says she would endorse us going on a date, but it makes me just ever so slightly uncomfortable.  Coo-coo-ka-chew Mrs. Robinson, although I think I am underestimating this young man.  He did take my mustache kissing v card.  So glad I waited for the right man, and the right time.

Sunday I hit the Gym and worked out hard, ass, biceps and triceps.  When I would reach out to shift gears while driving my arm would shake.  I worked my muscles to exhaustion.  Then I went to West Kelowna to have coffee with Miss E. Took a leisurely stroll thru winners while I chatted with Cherise, I’m not allowed to buy anything till I go thru my damn closet.  Then I had dinner with my girl D and we went to the twilight movie.  Then home to watch family guy and bed early.  Just a good little sunday…

I don’t have much motivation to get back to dating.  It’s almost as if when #13 texted me to tell me he needed some space the “date Holley” symbol light up like the bat symbol over Gotham.  Boys that I had texted and emailed in the summer have popped up, I’ve had 2 guys text, one e-mail and one phone call.  But although it wasn’t a long relationship I’d like to give myself a little time to be fabulously single.  Dig my heels into the gym, get my hair and lashes done.  Really clean my house, go thru my closet and purge some crap.  I was secretly hoping #13 might change his mind?   I haven’t put a profile on POF, but I think I will after christmas.  26 more dates to go on.  I can count 3 with #13, and I snuck another one in there with “Brave” before I got exclusive with #13.  I have some pretty big changes coming up at work so I’ll focus on that, and start dating in the new year.   Maybe I’ll go on a date with face raper, before mo-vember is over.  Cringe…head shake…laughter.

 

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Bargh

Maybe I’m overwhelmed, maybe I’m lazy, it could be the brink of a pity party.
I went out last night after work, had a great time, and caught up with an old friend that works at the bar, a 4am bedtime doesn’t leave a girl very motivated the next day. Especially a girl who can’t seem to sleep in.
I should be going thru my closet, and cleaning my house.
I bought batteries yesterday, so I could be playing video games, Zumba or DDR.
I have people I can see and things I could do tonight, all in kelowna…
I have a gym date for later this afternoon. But I think I’m going back to bed for a nap. This is lonely. I’m lonely here. The grey drizzle doesn’t spurn my motivation, although I don’t think the weather has much to do with my mood.
Yes, nap, then gym… Then I need to go out. My closet will still be over full and in disarray, the clean dishes will wait to be put away, and the floor will still need to be mopped…

Dodging Bullets

First, I want to say, I am so glad I don’t have an ex wife.  They seem like a lot of trouble.  I am thankful of the very adult and final breakup I had with my ex.  He is blissfully ignorant of how bad the whole situation could have been.  He is a lucky man, I was also unaware of how awful it could have been. I am also pretty lucky.  Yay Us for being adult and stuff.

I do not regret one single second of my time with #13.  I am thankful for the break I got from power dating.  My faith that there are still honest, smart, funny and attractive single men out there was renewed.  I had an opportunity to hold hands, and public displays of affection.  I had “good morning babe” texts and drunk phone calls, I love drunk phone calls.  He is a spectacular spooner and it had been a really long time since I had that emotional cuddle.  You don’t get emotional cuddles when power dating.  I, for the first time in years had a date for my birthday.  I also learned more about what I do and don’t want in a relationship.  And I realized some of my relationship baggage, so hopefully I can unpack that shit.

Given the chance I would absolutely do it again, but I wouldn’t have stalled as much initially.  Having him in my life helped me “dodge” some pretty big “bullets”

I bet without #13 I would have let MrNRN stay under my skin.  Not good for me.  Instead I had an honest and straight forward man tell me I am beautiful, everyday.  Much better than filling my spare hours trying to line up dates.  Or obsessively working out, because that is a pattern for me.

One of the boys I dated was dating another girl as well, at the same time, I actually saw them together one day.  I was ok with this as I was power dating but I wondered if she knew about me.  He assured me he “liked her”  but made no mention of it being serious.  She moved in with him.  About a month after the last time he was at my house.  Moved in with him.  Must have been more serious than he let on.  I don’t ever want to be the other woman. Plus, I couldn’t trust a man like that.  No trust = no relationship.  Dodged that bullet, thank you #13.

While I was in Calgary I had a middle of the night text.  “Hey I’m in the hospital at KGH, I’m on the McNair unit, Please come. Visit me with a latte when you get a chance”  I was knocked out on NyQuil and got the message in the morning.  I looked up the McNair unit, and it is for mental health and substance abuse rehab and recovery.  OK.  So… I replied that I wouldn’t be back till the next week, and would stop in and see him on my way home.  I asked what was wrong, his reply was “some personal stuff he’s getting worked out”.

So I go upstairs and tell my sister in law.  She’s really smart, and compassionate.  My bro hit the wife jackpot, she’s awesome.  Her infinite wisdom, she pointed out that it takes a special kind of friend to visit a person in the looney bin.  Also, if I wasn’t romantically interested, stopping in wasn’t good for his emotional or mental well being and recovery.  Valid points.  When my flight was delayed I had an easy out, I wouldn’t be thru kelowna till after visiting hours, but the real reason was I was giving #13 an exclusive deal.  I text the guy, “I’m delayed in Calgary and I won’t make it to see you tonight”  The response I got was “who is this”  LOL!  Ok, so I just didn’t reply, that was an easy out.  A week later he texted me again “Are you in Kelowna?  I’m at home now and was wondering if you would come visit me?”  I just didn’t reply, bullet dodged.  Again thanks to #13

I am thankful for the time we spent together, like I said, absolutely I’d do it again.

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