Lessons from my mother continued

I’m killing a little time, enjoying a free caramel brule latte.  Thank you Starbucks rewards.  #13 is taking me on a date, and the date has now evolved into a weekend in Vancouver.

I was thinking this morning as I cleaned my house, My mother is getting all the credit, but I know that these insights into relationships and life came from both my parents, My mom was just the one to deliver the sermons.  My dad has worked shift work the last 35 years, so there were times that by the time I got home from school he was already at work, not getting home till after we were in bed.

Lesson #3 was covered a few months ago, the “What does a 25 year old man want from a 15 year old girl, and why can’t he find a girlfriend his own age.”  Another valuable lesson that Amanda girl could have used (and any 12-15 year old seeking adult male attention).  They say the perpetrator of the initial photo was a man more than 15 years her senior and a repeat predator.

Lesson #4 was delivered when one of my friends got pregnant, and decided to keep the baby.  Her daughter is now 18.  One of my closer friends in 8th grade had a baby 2 years later at 15 years old.  My mom said there was absolutely NO WAY she was going to support and raise a baby.  Now if push came to shove I’m sure that my parents would have supported and loved me and my child, but… The fear of my Mother and god, no way was I having sex.  My mom ranted that until I was emotionally and or financially able to take care of any subsequent children or felt ready for marriage I had no business having a serious boyfriend, and the things that go along with that.  I didn’t feel even close to ready, I did lots of babysitting so I saw first hand how a baby and an ex boyfriend/husband/baby daddy was more drama than I was interested in.  And the poverty some of the moms lived in, no food in the house, dirty, and there were a couple instances I had to try to call around to see if they would be coming home so I could go to school, Or school nights that I took a job, and ended up pacing the floor with a colic screaming baby, or a 2 year old with an earache.  Not something I wanted to sign up for full time to do alone. (Not all babysitting jobs were like this, but those are the ones that helped drive my moms lesson home).

Lesson #5 is joint with #4.  If you aren’t looking for marriage and kids, A steady boyfriend isn’t what a girl needs.  In fact, a girl never NEEDS a boyfriend, who she dates is not who she is, or part of her identity.  Long term relationships do change who you are and how you look at things, partnerships evolve, but in my formative teen years I was taught to be independent.  That I could and would be successful on my own.  I think every woman should live alone at one point in her life, just so she knows what it is like, how to fix her own toilet, hang her own pictures, be comfortable in her solitude.  I don’t love living alone, but I can and do.



2 thoughts on “Lessons from my mother continued

  1. monkeysmom2 says:

    your mother is a wise woman, and so are you! So proud to be a Marth woman now too, I’ve learned so much from you guys!

  2. NolaM says:

    So true about your father…I remember you doing the 4 year old thing at the bathroom door when we were taking our ‘bath’ What are you guys laughing at?
    He talked me down off the ledge on a daily basis. Keep in mind I was a young mother… a month into 19. I was logical. While you were emotional and set a high standard.
    There was a reason we bought Britannicas when you were 1 yr old. We knew…even then… If you asked a question, the answer had to make sense before you let it go.
    By 3 you demanded that I look things up in the ‘pedia. The final word..
    I look at Nephew C and just chuckle. Teach a child to think for themselves and they don’t rebel against their own logic.
    I was talking to a neighbour about lifeskills…Kids walking in wanting to quit school in disgust… Sitting down with the paper and figuring out what jobs they were qualified for at what wage. Then turning over to the apartment rental section and a grocery flier to figure out a budget… An hour or so later, school was not so bad. But it was then their choice, based on Data input and logic.
    Then you could talk about coping mechanisms on how to deal with the crap they were dealing with that day.
    The 3 options, Discuss it and try to fix it, learn to live with it, or Leave… Also helpful in any job, living situation or relationship issue.
    Lay out the positive/neg of each of those options and chose one.
    The neighbour said… “But that makes sense..”. facepalm…
    Your father’s logic and humour was the rudder for us all.
    MM… you truly belonged from Day 1. Smart of G to recognize that. 🙂
    Cannot picture a more loving legacy than all you guys…friends, family… rent, lease or buy kids.
    You all made this parenting stuff look easy. You taught us all we know.. pass it on.

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