The degradation of communication.(A.K.A. Shit falls apart)

I spend too much time on my cell phone. I’m never without it, I use it all day everyday. In fact I’m using it right now. Sitting in a chair at the salon, blogging while I wait for my foils to process. I find my day at work lonely, my phone from 8-3:30 is my company, sure I have customers, but… 2 minutes at a time. I miss the social aspect of serving, you spend 20-40 minutes with people, and you get to know them, sometimes that’s good… Sometimes it’s not…
I Facebook a shameful amount, I’m always on there. I text message all day and all night. I check my email 5/6 times per day. I read thru twitter, I’m a dirty re tweeter.
I do enjoy talking on the phone, there’s a few people I regularly talk to, my mom and dad, Cherise, Micah, Libby. I find that I often cringe with the ring of my telephone, something has happened at work, or a telemarketer/survey, Canadian blood services always wants my blood, and they leave me guilt ridden messages (O neg). There’s a handful of other people who call, D, miss E, Candace and Vanessa. And #13. He used to call regularly.  After he broke plans last minute via text message, I had not seen or spoke to him.  He would return my texts… eventually…But I don’t feel like our communication was, well, it was closer to non existent. I had no idea what was going on, how he was feeling, coping, whatever, and the ignorance was reciprocated.  He had no idea I’ve been freaking out with the changes at work, he never asked how I was.  I had assumed we were done.  I dropped off a box of things for him, a bottle of the sold out wine we shared on the patio, some little gifty type things that I had been accumulating for him, nothing big, but hopefully thoughtful.  He did sent me a sweet text, but didn’t want to see me.  Pretty good indication, done done done done.

I have a tendency to drag these things on.  I have unusual relationships with men.  Well, actually lets open this up, I have unusual relationships with everyone.  I have unique friend experiences.  But with Boyfriends I want to be “friends”  I hold onto the things I like about people.  I still send my first serious boyfriend a message on his birthday, I listen to the CD’s he made me, nearly 14 years later I still consider him, although slightly removed, part of my life.  I have friends, male and female, that I’ve had for upwards of 20 years.  I always give people a second, or third or fourth chance.  I pour salt in those wounds and I hold on.  The text messages I got this week helped me make a clean break.  I was initially hurt, and that quickly vaporized into a searing anger, now I feel good.

#13 and I didn’t effectively communicate, he conveyed thru text message, he didn’t like my style of interaction, or my blog, and was hurt by the” face raper” story.  Basically inferred I had betrayed him.  I wanted to rant and vent and defend myself.  I never cheated on a boyfriend before, HE broke up with ME, how dare he insinuate!  Blah blah blah.  However… It isn’t important.  The long and short of it, there were too many NO boxes checked, for both of us.  I cannot remain friends with everyone, nor should I try.  It doesn’t make either of us bad people, just not great together, and that’s O.K.  I don’t have to answer to, or justify my actions to anyone but myself, (and god, or other said higher deity, you should believe in something larger than yourself, I believe in elephants).

I am an information share-er.  I always have been.  I feel that mostly, I am an effective communicator.  I will say what I think and feel, even when it is uncomfortable.  As you can tell by this blog, I have nothing to hide.  I think issues should be pulled out of their dark closets, and dragged out from under beds where they lurk, they should be laid out on the table, and dealt with.  Talked about, sorted into piles.  Some you have to put back and tackle later, or enlist help to deal with.  But leaving them in their dark and probably damp hiding places, they flourish like mold, that deadly black mold, and that shit will kill you.  Sometimes pulling those issues out and exposing them to light, they will just evaporate.  Sometimes just knowing someone else has a similar issue will help make it easier to cope with. When you are in a relationship, some of those problems should be tackled as a couple.  For better or for worse, right?  I’ve been a bridesmaid a few times, I think that’s how it goes…  My blog is personal, yes, it is me, it is one of the ways I communicate.  I took it personally when #13 didn’t “like” it.

The thing that bothered me the most about the exchange we had this week, likely our last, was that it was via text message.  I felt that it was an important enough subject to warrant a face to face or at least telephone interaction.  Now it wasn’t a 4 year relationship ended via text message like my date “Brave” had to cope with.  I realize the duration of our relationship (8 weeks), in the grand scheme of things is small beans.  But this man, I thought, was a good communicator, phoned me, and talked to me in person.

I love my cell phone and what it does for my everyday life, but the problem I see, it has created “zombies”  people don’t interact with one another because they are plugged into smart phones.  People don’t face uncomfortable conversations, they text.  Text message doesn’t convey tone, emotion or inflection.  At least not until I invent a much needed sarcasm font.  People can edit text conversations, so what they mean doesn’t always get written, and so much of what they actually mean gets lost in between letters.  I wonder if I could challenge myself to go an entire day without my cell phone?  Perhaps an entire day without texting?   Remind myself I have a phone for my convince, not everybody else’s… If I want to talk to someone I’ll call them, or go visit.  Maybe I would meet someone in the line up at Starbucks if I wasn’t buried in my status updates, of course providing they were not engrossed in their smart phone…

I went on a date last night… I’m excited to write about it!

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