Again Holley?

I have no shame. Well, very little. My mother spared no detail, gruesome or not. I have never been a good lier, and the rule in my house was if you told the truth, you wouldn’t get in trouble. No matter how stupid… Not that there wouldn’t be repercussions, but honesty would be rewarded. My parents didn’t lie to us. Open and honest. Sometimes I lose touch of the fact I had a unique upbringing. And not everyone has the ability to be so frank. Lots of people have sexual hang ups. Luckily I have some amazing friends (long term and short term, I have spectacular peeps!) that put up with my TMI (too much info).
Take for example yesterday… Miss E came down for a visit. We had a lovely afternoon, lunch at the scallion, and a little shopping. She brought me back and came in for a bit, we dug thru the tickle trunk and she picked out a pair of cute short-alls. I loaded her up with some homemade chicken soup as I had made too much, and was making potato leek salmon soup today.
She used the washroom, I was putting things away in the kitchen. She asked about the container in my shower, I make homemade sugar scrub, hemp seed oil, coffee and brown sugar with vanilla. It’s a moisturizing frappacinno smelling bliss. The hemp seed oil is good for cancerous skin cells. Really didn’t think much of it, but after she left I went into the washroom to pee. Sitting on my toilet I realize that my shower curtain is open enough that you can see the ledge. Along with my container of scrub My gigantic purple vibrator. “Tyrone” is just chilling on the ledge in all his purple jelly glory, the rabbit bullet jutting out at an angle that says “Hello! So nice of you to stop in!” This thing… It is enormous, I ordered it online and when it showed up and I unwrapped it I wasn’t sure where on earth I would put it…. I figured it out. I had used it, and washed it, so at least it was clean. I found the entire situation funny, had a good toilet laugh, not enough of those! Sent miss E a quick text to say, hey buddy, thanks for being so cool about my apparatus display.
This isn’t the first time I’ve been busted loving myself. When I lived with my ex, he had been away for the weekend, when he came home he was with a group of people, they came in to use the washroom. One using the main bath, and he sent another into our ensuite. I was watching a movie, ignoring the group of them, when suddenly I realized…. Oh shit. In the ensuite on the counter was my freshly washed vibe. (That one was not so big, more of a “Mark”). Not just on the counter but on the sink, right beside the hot water tap. The poor girl using the washroom couldn’t turn on the tap without knocking it over. I just sat in the chair, laughing, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone run out of the house so fast. I wanted to call after her… “Don’t worry… It’s clean!”
Anyways… Back to cleaning and sorting, and some food prep for the week, I’m going to amend my Starbucks consumption to blogging and girl dates. And this Friday I will weigh and measure! Goldylocks will be home for a few days…Sigh…mid week or so… So excited!


One thought on “Again Holley?

  1. NolaM says:

    Yeah but you probably have your backscratching loofa there too. It is just a tool that takes care of itches in different places. And vibe lovin’ a lot safer than getting randy randoms to scratch it for you. I used to snigger up my sleeve every time your father growled about his empty battery stash. Then we would grin at each other and shrug.
    Pair bonding needs a lot of sex. We figured that eventually you would find somebody that would be happy to help you out with that.
    In the meantime…it helps you be a better partner if you have some clue about where your own bells and whistles are.
    Even if you have to toot your own horn and bang your own gong. Grin.

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