Internet dating, it’s supposed to be fun.

It’s hard to type, I tripped at work, and managed to do a number on the thumb on my left hand, slightly swollen a little tender, and a rainbow of bruise hues. I didn’t go to a dr, only because I would have had to fill out a pile of WCB forms, as a patient and as an employer…I’m lazy, don’t judge me. I self diagnosed with the help of the Internet, and my wife the nurse. Thanks Van!
Ok. Internet dating. It’s a funny thing how the universe transpires to send us messages, I had decided this morning, today I would sit and write this, and match sent me a couple articles on profile key words and deal breakers. Funny…
My foremost recommendation, dating isn’t easy, but it should be fun. I am an advocate of having your own ducks in a row first. Physical, emotional, financial and mental health, will never be perfect, but working on one or all of those readies you for a relationship. One of the articles I read today mentioned “Neediness” as a deal breaker for a majority of the population.
Know what you want, having a good self realization of who you are helps this along. Make a list, leave it alone a few days, make another list and compare, do the same in a few weeks or months… Compare results, looking for items that make all the lists! Be aware of things you are and are not willing to compromise on. I made the mistake of compromising on a BIG one (kids) and I wouldn’t say regret, but lament the decision.
Love yourself. Sounds so cliché. It has to happen. No one can treat you better than you should treat yourself. Eat well, sleep, shower, talk to friends, exercise. Be happy with you. Set a standard and don’t waiver. Recognize when you are not being treated in a loving and caring fashion! (This includes treating yourself poorly). I strongly advocate “loving yourself” in a literal sense as well…. As if anyone is surprised…. Haha.
So you have yourself in order, you feel good, dammit you look good too! You know what you are looking for, now for the how and when already!
Be SAFE! It is scary out there, set up an email address that does not include your personal information. Never ever have a first date pick you up or come to your house. Don’t give out too much information regarding habits, employment or living alone. Always ensure someone knows who you are with, and when they can expect you home, where you are going. Have an emergency or escape plan. Don’t drink too much, leave a drink un attended, get into a car, go to a secluded area. Listen to your instinct. If someone makes you feel the least bit uneasy, creeped out in any way, no matter how small, LISTEN to that feeling and end the date. You need to foremost look out for your personal safety. Often we dismiss that feel as nerves or over reaction, please don’t, feelings are generally spot on.
What dating site? Well shop around, look for deals, free weekends and ask around. If you are using a free service you usually have to filter out a little more crazy. If you are on multiple sites you will see a number of the same people.
Writing your profile. Be clear, concise about what you are looking for. Be honest. Try to be positive, it’s far more attractive, confidence, the opposite sex likes it. Enlist the help of friends or family, they often pick out things you wouldn’t. If you are funny, be funny! Don’t be if you aren’t, you can’t force that. I think that you want to give a general overview about you, but don’t strip away all the mystery, that’s what IM’s and first dates are for. Plus I have found via text/email and IM people are better liars! They can edit the creep n crazy.
Once you are written… Check it over! Spelling and grammar, not just a big deal for English teachers, drives me CRAZY. Some messages I wanted to mark in red and send back for correction. Not a good first impression. Maybe it’s just me…
Pictures. I was going for 40 dates, luckily I am reasonable attractive so having my picture up got me a volume of traffic and attention. Again honesty is important, post a current picture, and a full body shot. Love your dog? Sure… Add a picture or two, but one fuzzy picture of you and 18 of your pet is a little concerning. We have already talked about cock shots, maybe ease into those racy pics… Now posting an old picture is ok if you look like that still. Not if you THINK you still look like that! Get it? Some argue that people just judge the picture. This is absolutely true, but it happens in real life interactions as well. Someone shallow and vapid wouldn’t be any less quick to judge in person vs online. Some people aren’t photogenic, take that into consideration. Some people are more attractive in 3d! If you are not comfortable displaying your picture, don’t! You can send them privately at request.
I strongly suggest setting parameters, age restrictions, casual encounters etc. it will diminish the time wasting emailing. I have only one use for a 22 year old, and it’s not likely life long and meaningful.
One of the complaints I had from men was that I was an exception. I replied to every email I got, even if it was to say “no thanks”. I was eager to meet (trying to hit 40), not like most girls. I try to live compassionately, so if someone took the time to message me I would take the time to reply, because if the roles were reversed I would appreciate that. I rarely initiated contact though, I let them come to me.
I did experience that someone with a great profile and picture wasn’t always great in real life, and the opposite was true as well. Someone not your “type” might be surprise you with amazing chemistry, or realization of qualities you never would have noticed otherwise. I guess my advice is keep an open mind, you never know. Sometimes second or third dates are vital before you decide if someone is for you. Unless they make you feel “icky”…
Happy dating! Remember it should be fun! Mostly anyways…

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