I smile a lot

I am in like. It’s a pretty intense like. A smile for no good reason, sigh a lot, kind of like. Goldy locks gets more and more impressive. My parents met him, they liked him, but they are easy. Generally I make good decisions, so my parents are ultra supportive. Goldy was excited for my dad and his upcoming retirement, and mentioned my mom is easy to talk to. He thought they were great. Mom and Dad thought the same of him.
I invited him to come meet me Friday night, and despite not loving the bar he came for a drink. Remember, I spent the better part of a decade doing things alone, so this inviting a boy, and him showing up is a novel concept. Sunday Karma had a potluck dinner, I asked if I could bring a date, and invited Goldy. Karma requested he bring buns. I asked him if he wanted to come, expecting some excuse or reason to not join, but he didn’t even hesitate, he would come. Because it was such an ordeal to get my ex to go with me places I would never request more from him. Pot luck dish? I would just take care of it. Almost as if he was doing me a favour by gracing me with his presence and I shouldn’t burden him with any further responsibilities. This is 100% self imposed. Oh, well… 90% anyways. He never said anything of the sort, and would pick up things from the grocery store if I asked, the thing is I rarely or never asked.
Goldy agrees to come for dinner and I was getting ready making salad rolls and cranberry sauce, went for a walk down the the store and was going to pick up buns. It’s hard to describe the fear, it was like, if I asked Goldy to pick up buns, it would suddenly become a deal breaker. Decided I was being silly and sent him a quick text letting him know Karma requested buns. It wasn’t an issue, he grabbed some buns and asked if there was anything else he could/should bring.
He was dropping off his bears and asked if it was good for him to swing by earlier to hang out before dinner. He even offered to help with the laundry folding and salad roll rolling I was trying to get done before hand.
We arrived just a touch late for dinner, most my fault, but partly his fault for being so adorable…
Most people would find the prospect of dinner with 5 strangers nerve racking. If he was nervous it didn’t show. He was personable, conversational and kind. Karma and her husband agreed Goldy is lovely. So after a little more than 3 months of daily texting, a dozen dates, meeting my parents and a few friends, I’m going to stop looking for something about him I don’t like. He still needs to meet a few more of my nearest and dearest, but you all are scattered all over the place. I am confident that he will sparkle thru any situation, after 3 full months without a single red flag, i am convinced he is a stand up guy. I am smitten!
However… There is still one hitch. I haven’t met the kids. The last time he had a girlfriend meet the kids, it was an all round awful experience. I think it’s good to be sure, kids get attached, and honestly I get really attached. I will not pressure him in any way shape or form, I accept that he needs to make the decision, wether it is 6 weeks or 6 months from now. I worry though. My own neurosis, I LOVE kids. Kids and pets love me. Statistically someone’s kids some day will not adore me. It’s bound to happen. My old boss stopped in and saw me at work, we were chatting about this and that, he said “the kids must love you”. I admitted to having not met them yet and he looked puzzled. I worked for him for 10 years, so I got to see his kids regularly. I made an effort to get the kids something Christmas and birthdays, I became an “aunt”. Which seems to have become part of my official title in life.
Rationally I know that I am over thinking this, but emotionally I am still worried that the first kids that don’t hit it off with me will be his kids. Dammit worst case scenario! I am spending my energy worrying about something that is completely absurd. Kids love me…


2 thoughts on “I smile a lot

  1. Vanessa says:

    Is this an april fools joke? The kids won’t love you? Hell, you make me feel like a kid..who loves you. Everytime you get me a package with colorful stickers and ribbons and candy…
    I get it though…this one is important. You really like this man. And therefore these kids are important.. and you want it to go well because you want to potentially be part of that family some day. A little more pressure. But. You are spectacular. All you need to do is be yourself. With your warm heart, enthusiasm, humor, ridiculous ability to remember important dates, thoughtfullness..there’s just no way it could go wrong. Show those kids who’s top bitch! … I mean boss… I mean..I’m not good with kids..

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