Sexy is a state of mind.

I just checked my stats… more than 11,319 views… insanity, considering I figured it would only ever be a dozen people checking up on me here and there!

Ok, sexy. It’s all in your head. Most of the time, I have found, the less you try, the more attention you get. My friend H calls it the “ugly quotient” or something along those lines. When you aren’t polished and primped, you are more approachable. I can see it. I had a hard conversation with Goldylocks last night. I cried yesterday, barely slept, and then had a pretty healthy pity party and cried this morning. Was it because of him? A little, but mostly, I’m a crier generally, my hormone imbalance also exacerbates the crying. I’m feeling tender about the results of my test and what that means for me, and I have been in a pulsing blender of stress. He is overstressed and under appreciated as well, so I’m going to give him a little time and space. I need to get my life organized, changes made, and stress reduced. I don’t want to quit him, or hate him, the timing just isn’t quite right, we are both struggling, so we need to help ourselves…Again, he is amazing…
Anyways… the sexy thing. I am wearing a beat up old maxi dress from old navy, sunglasses to cover my puffy eyelids and un brushed hair piled on top of my head and secured with an elastic.
I drove up to Vernon to spend the night with Cherise, and on my way here…
In penticton some guy was looking at me and drove up on the sidewalk, in west kelowna a motorcyclist struck up a conversation at a stop light, and in rutland the truck to my right hung out the window to talk to me (my windows were down) and stalled his pick up. I’m so insanely flattered, and baffled. I look like crap, I sorta just want to sit by myself… maybe it was the car. They liked my car. I read somewhere that sunshine on the back and shoulders of men increases testosterone production, maybe that was it!
I think it’s a subtle confidence that most people find sexy, the way you carry yourself. If you engage. I have not been feeling sexy at all. middle weight and stressed out, losing my hair, and crying is so bad for my lash extensions. Hoping the ugly quotient will kick in and boost my ego. I may have to fake it till I make it…

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