beautiful struggle

I want blueberries, and cheese. maybe not concurrently, but consecutively? Maybe coconut greek yogurt with blueberries. I managed to make it thru 5 1/2 of my 7 meals yesterday.
I woke up at 4 am, and spent 4 hours laying in bed trying to sleep, but just treading water in my thoughts. My what ifs and worst case scenarios. I did get up and do some interval fasting cardio, and then headed to the naturopath.
I am grieving, still, the loss of a long relationship, and not resolving how I felt about it. Looking for distraction. Added stress about work, money, and body shape/size. Add to it hormone imbalance, I have been lying to myself that I’m keeping it all together. Oh… and dating is stressful, trying to find someone who you like, and that likes you.
I asked the Dr today, was the hormone imbalance caused by stress or vice versa? She said it was a chicken and the egg, it didn’t matter. So I have progesterone pills to take day 14-28 of my cycle. B-12 shots and supplements. Iron, and adrenal stimulators. A whole mess of things really. But if they help… I’m in! I think I’m holding my 192 Lbs fairly well… hoping this middle weight melts off.

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I am also going to let myself be sad, or mad, or tired. Take time to myself and not cover up feelings with positive quotes. They aren’t like fairy dust, curing all ailments. It is important that I am angry, I am allowed.

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Karma made dinner tonight, so fantastic, or I guess I was meal 5, LOL no real “dinner” So good to have a plan of attack, I have been told 3-5 days for my B-12 shot to kick in, and a cycle of progesterone. I should be off and running. 🙂

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