I look the same now as I did years ago. I think…? I have looked different, red hair, blonde, short and long, gaining and losing weight over the years, I have absolutely looked different. Maybe I am way off. Often you are the last person to decide wether you look the same or not, body dysmorphia is an astounding thing.
I put up a picture when I was dating last year, that had been taken, that year. One of the first things Goldy said to me when we first met was that I looked like my picture. Of course I do, it’s a picture of me. This time, I put up a new picture, taken a couple weeks ago.
I am amazed by two things, the amount of men that I have already been on dates with that have messaged me. And the amount of men that have posted pictures that are old, and no longer look like them.
What is a catfish? I had encountered this hurdle of old pictures last fall when I met a date who had sent me pictures easily a decade old, it took all I had not to ask if the man standing before me was my dates Dad? I didn’t discover “catfish” until I was watching Glee one night. I know, and I’m not even ashamed… well… nope. Spoiler alert if you aren’t caught up on episodes, the one guy was chatting online with a blonde girl, that ended up being a black man. Urban dictionary has:
Someone who pretends to be someone they’re not online to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances.
Freshman year I started chatting with this chill girl online, only for her to turn out ugly-ass catfish. Never again.
A catfish is someone who assumes a false identity on the Internet using various platforms including but not limited to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. A catfish is often undesirable in comparison to thier profile, as an actual catfish would be to a premium “catch” fish like Alaskan salmon.
I met this guy on match.com who was a total catfish. His pic was cute but he obviously thinks he is a time traveler cause he looked like Matlock!
I was chatting with Goldy locks last week, and he told me a story of a girl he knew, had dated his friend, that kept messaging him on POF, with different profiles, and inspiringly skillful pictures. Pictures that made an unattractive girl look good. Camera angles, and the right lighting can make all the difference. Maybe she was actually attractive before you got to know her? That happens.
I understand the feeling when you are insecure about your body, life, stress and a hormone imbalance has pushed me off my pretty girl box a few times. Being trapped in a body that doesn’t feel like yours. Or not really seeing yourself the way you look, good or bad. Even the notion of being pushed off my pretty girl box is all in my head. I saw nothing but my back up chin and love handles, not sure anyone else would notice. I am curious why someone would misrepresent. Relationships are built on mutual respect and trust, no? So wouldn’t sending old pictures be, a lie? A white lie… mental/emotional connection should count for more than physical packaging… but still a lie. Those people are still the same inside. I feel so shallow doing it, but there was a guy messaging me, I read his profile, and then scrolled thru again to refresh my memory. I noticed all the pictures posted were 2011 or older. I asked if he would send me a current picture, and didn’t hear back from him. Would I have met him regardless? Yes, but am I an exception? Some of my most physically attractive dates have been the ones I liked the least. Goldy wasn’t even remotely my “type” physically, but who he was radiated so brightly I didn’t pay any attention. I was aware of it, remarking a few times, (more on this later… I had some epiphanies this week, but it’s a whole separate post). I was telling Karma at the gym about all the messages I had gotten from men I had already dated. She asked “they didn’t recognize you?” I guess not, I had put up a different picture. After all, that picture was taken last summer… and was old. I put up a picture taken this summer. Wether I think I look the same or not, the picture should be current.
Since being on POF, (2 weeks now), I have had a number of repeat offenders. “Name dropper”, “the vacuum”, “putting the FU in fun” have messaged me, I gently explained who I was and that we had already been on dates. One super creepy guy who tried to sext on a sunday afternoon a couple months ago, and I never went out with, because of excessive creepy quotient messaged me, I just blocked him. I keep getting matched up with one guy I dated in my 20’s (I had a crush on his brother, I should have dated his brother…) and another guy who has a close mutual friend, (one of my closest guy friends, and his too, we see each other often) We had a good laugh, and he said “I knew this was bound to happen, don’t tell _____” Yeah, I don’t want to do that… not even a little…
I saw #13 out and about, we chatted for a while, he admitted to reading my blog still, here and there, and said he was glad we could chat and not be weird. I agreed, I had no hard feelings. I learned so much about myself the last year. Then he tried to introduce me to his friend… and it got weird… haha. Even my ex was a repeat offender as we broke up and got back together. Makes me feel like I’m going in a circle, time to stop chasing my tail, for the boys too (hahaha). The messages have slowed down, I’m not on the main page anymore. My pictures are back up and I can just chill about it all. Ask for new pictures, and new boys.