Birthday week

I have to brag a bit, I have some amazing friends, family, friends who are family. I am thankful and fortunate to have them in my life. I am rapidly approaching yet another birthday, and today especially, feeling old. Cherise has been asking me for a month what we are going to do. I can’t make a decision. There are a pile of things going on, parties and events. But where and with who do I spend my day? And what if people who I want to hang with can’t make it? I will feel rejected, something I have an especially hard time coping with. So I have been frozen, I can not make a decision. I want to do something casual, and fun. I want to spend time with people I love. I hate the pressure. If I spend it in a bar, my friends with kids can’t come, If I’m in kelowna my penticton friends won’t make it.
I am feeling old. And really alone today, which is unexplained as I was surrounded by friends and family all weekend. Out last night at Oktoberfest drinking beer with friends and flirting with boys, #13 was there and so was the 22 year old. The last month has been non stop events, dates, and I’ve had a really great time. But I am feeling very alone on this gorgeous sunny sunday. I can dissect the feeling, and over analyze, run circles in my head. I still will feel alone today.

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