21 day challenge

Caramel latte, who is indeed a real person, has shared with me his collection of guided meditation series put on by the Depak Chopra centre. At this point, if I were to walk away from him, he has enlightened me in the following ways, renewed my love of reading and photography, reminded me of my love of cooking, and inspired me to cook for myself. Made me feel smart and sexy, enriched the last few weeks with light, laughter and some pretty great sex. All good things. Erroneous, as I was telling you about my recently started undertaking of a 21 day challenge. 15-20 min of guided meditation for the next 3 weeks. I have decided to undertake As my first session Love. Living in love. In true maniac fashion, I did 30 min today instead of 15. Life’s most powerful tool, and freedom from the past.
Sundays are still a day I struggle, I miss my ex? I feel it’s a family day, and my family is removed? I’m not sure 100% why, maybe a guilt at not attending church? It’s a day I have to dedicate to self love to get thru. I slept in the sunshine today, watching community and cleaning off my PVR, I stayed cozy under my comforter until 2 pm. Un heard of for me. At 2 I dressed and headed into the afternoon sunshine. A breathtakingly beautiful day I walked for 30 min, briskly to get in my daily cardio, and then stood over the channel watching birds fight and water flow. I meditated with eyes open, And tried not to notice how odd it is to simultaneously listen to a stream babble and birds chirp in your headphones, while there is in fact a real stream, and birds in front of you that you are shutting out. There was no one playing the pan flute on the bridge with me though. That is where the difference lies, obviously.
Other things I notice, I cried today, I obviously need more love, in my self, and created space. I feel like the fear of loneliness or disappointment does nothing but fill the space with worry. Meditation, silence is frightening, real effort to keep your thoughts from creeping in. So much effort that I find I sweat. The noted breathing between sniffles was building a fire within me. I was nearly ready to start undressing on the bridge. And entirely different show for the golfers, a crying girl undressing on a bridge. I could have ended up with a valid reason for missing work tomorrow. As well as a government funded hospital stay. I feel better after my meditation, With 15 min meditating and 30 min cardio, I’m nearly to an hour daily dedicated to me. It will take dedication, spending time on myself like this is un comfortable.

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