Monthly Archives: February 2014

Cake was a BAD idea

I am up early today to head down to vanvouver for an action packed weekend, so outrageously excited, wine tasting today and tomorrow, a party with the lovely Mr & Mrs Dew, and then the Heritage classic game (outdoor NHL). Caramel Latte is coming with, so it will be a good time.
Last night I went to a birthday party, wings, and I had a few Nachos with Karma’s Hubby. And then Finished off with some cake. My poor pancreas. 2 months of occasional sugar, but drastically reduced, no grains, no corn, no lentils, and I had all of those in one night. I feel gross. I figured for sure I would wake up with Diabetes, that in the night my pancreas would say F-YOU. I QUIT. It still might. I was doing crunchies on the floor, drinking water while watching criminal minds to try to bring my blood sugar down. (thanks for the tip Cherise). It was an impressive cake, banana cake, with peanut butter cream icing, chocolate and bacon shaving on top.

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It took me a while to eat it, as it was soooooo sweet. I was sitting beside Mr. “put that whole thing in your mouth” but I seriously couldn’t do it. I had sugar shivers. I can now say things like “oh I can’t, it’s too sweet” Or say no to candy, because it grosses me out. Insanity when you consider my draw to caramel, sugar ladden lattes, the fact I sustained life on sugar and caffeine for stretches of my young adult life. And now the thought makes my teeth hurt. I wont even tell you about my bathroom time post wheat, and beans, and sugar, hahah, there simply isn’t enough time.
So a paleo break this weekend while we dine, drink wine, and of course have a couple beer at the hockey game, but I can still make better choices.

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this work stuff

really gets in the way of my blogging. of course the TV series watching compulsion doesn’t help either. Today is a very non paleo-ish dinner with greek yogurt (plain and full fat), and cheese. But lettuce beef tacos with all the goods, it’s clean eating, just not strict paleo.

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I made the gym today and worked my legs so hard the stairs coming out of the gym were tough. I’ll post some measurements next blog, and i need to talk about some body changes, but first, 4 more episodes of Vikings while I watch it snow…

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Cinnamon Brioche

I have never had one. Starbucks created these swirling gluten and sugar laden concoctions post paleo challenge. I bet they are disgusting, really, awful to put in your mouth, but after the gym, (an uneventful 45 min reading on a bike, and an obvious creepy guy staring at my ass for 4 min, I mean really, that pane of glass in front of me serves as a pretty good mirror, I wish I could have conjured up a resounding fart to scare him off), I want one. I want a whopper, it’s wednesday, and then I want a sugar filled whipped cream covered latte. My cheat weekend left me with a mini break out, and my stomach and entire digestive tract would likely protest, but the heart wants. I struggle this week hormonally. Well I hope it’s hormonal, and I’m not just losing my marbles. I wanted to cry on my way to work, and I did well up over lunch, I saw Goldylocks for lunch and he was telling me how wonderful I was… the jerk… hahaha. Why does that make me cry? I want to get into bed with my fuzzy brown electric blanket and hide. I feel unattractive, and I want to quit all of my interpersonal relationships. I will not. I did work a full 8 hours today and hit the gym, For lunch today I had a burger with no bun and a salad with no dressing, it’s not outrageously difficult to eat paleo-ish. I am now baking some non paleo banana bread for my coworkers. Why non paleo? I’m out of maple syrup and I don’t have enough eggs, and when I’m feeling a little low, I like to bake. So here I am baking. And dreaming of cinnamon brioche.

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I woke up this morning at 7 am. The sun was shining and I was HUNGRY. The entire sunday was laid before me, a veritable buffet of potential. What would I do? Laundry? Run? Gym? Go buy a new pair of practical yet sexy shoes to wear in vancouver for wine fest? Perhaps I would create that fore mentioned kick ass play list, get together papers for tax purposes, or start some paleo baking? I have mini stacks of things I need to mail to loved ones. I could go take some pictures, I repurposed a bike bag into a kick ass camera case so carting around my camera is more convenient. I could drink tea. My car is in desperate need of a vac and wash. I need a new vest and pencil skirt, and mixing bowls, unrelated. I could have cleaned my bathroom and checked on R’s cats. Instead I have been in bed, watching californication. Nearly 3 PM and I have showered, and stripped my bed, ate leftover spinach salad and a banana. I’m feeling like I wasted my day. My self loathing is creeping in, of course it could be the Hank Moody being channeled. 4 more episodes and I am caught up for the last season airing in april. I feel like I’m more ambitious than this. What the heck. More motivated than californication all day. I was wrong.

Ho hum.

So. I have been giving myself a lot of slack. Eating really clean, being a homebody, spending time with the wonderful Caramel Latte. Not going to the gym tho, spending all my time cooking and watching net flicks. I was being compassionate with myself, but really, hiding out a bit. Yesterday I woke up with a killer knot in my neck, a sure signal I’m not dealing with something. Also a dying thirst as the last 2 days have been spent eating hershey kisses in my office at work. Hershey Kisses are not paleo.
Okay, a quick re-cap. I checked my POF messages for the first time in a month (maybe longer) and had a guy who e-mailed me a year ago expressed relief at finding me on there again. I agreed to meet him for a drink. Why? Well, I’m a sucker, and he was so damn excited about seeing me. I planned the usual one hour meet and greet having a girlfriend meet me at the pub afterwards. He had been on more than 40 dates over the last 2 years. Not a bad guy, but an Eyore. The conversation was predominately about him, he was easily led, Initially he went on a mini rant, a sad story where he didn’t understand why women didn’t like him. And if there was a spark it would turn out women didn’t enjoy receiving oral sex, so he had to break it off. Well… cheque please, what a catch… a set of earplugs and a dental dam and I had my entire weekend planned. The ear plugs to muffle his whining, at least during the time his tongue wasn’t at work between my thighs. Why did he feel the need to say this in the first hour of our first date? He’s a bit of a mess honestly, A quote “If we were having a fight I would call you a Bitch, but I wouldn’t hit you or anything”. Wonderful. I should know better. Thank goodness for R meeting me for tea, because I have the suspicion Eyore was looking for/expecting a marathon date, but I had had enough conversation leading after 50 min.
Valentines day. Well, it was never a big deal around my house while I was “married” being single never really bothered me either, it’s a pegan fertility ritual, I need no part in it. And I have an excess of love in my life every day. But after last year, getting flowers, was nice. Damn you Goldylocks, you ruined me for valentines day. Hahaha. Not really but it was a jag at one point of the day, when I reflected on it. Luckily Karma had a husband out of town, lucky for me at least, and she made me dinner, we drank prosecco with strawberries and watched True Detective and chatted. Her darling of a grandmother just passed away last week, and she was telling me about it. Amazing the strength and love in people after experiencing a lifetime of loss and victory. Gran was a dear, and she will be missed. Also, True Detective, dark and smart, a new fave, not that I need more TV to watch.

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I slept like crap last night, up late, up early, and overall restless. I need to walk, work out, put together a program to stick to the next 30 days, and a kick ass playlist to motivate my bad self to the gym solo. 30 min every day light aerobic, even just a brisk walk. And no more dates because they are excited, I have to be excited about them.

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Vagina ownership requires quite a lot of maintenance

I just saw my Dr. It was time for my annual lady part cleaning and check up. Actually I was in last month, but my cycle came early. Hurray. Since I was there but they couldn’t do my PAP, I had some blood work done, tests I didn’t even study for, but luckily I aced them. HIV, syphilis, and hepatitis C (I have been vaccinated for Hep A & B). Actually the outcome was negative, but that’s good for this kind of test. She checked my blood pressure and it was just slightly on the high side a month ago. This time sitting on a table naked with an open backed gown on, it was picture perfect. She laughed at me commenting that usually you undress a person their blood pressure goes up. Apparently I am my most calm and comfortable without pants on, no surprise. I was thinking on my way to the appointment, (what is a 2 hour drive one way from my house to the office) Vaginas are quite a lot of work. Like owning a pool or a large yard. They are self cleaning, so you would think easier, but can be incredibly sensitive. There is a delicate balance of yeast in vagina’s that can be thrown off by a million different factors, diet, environment, the type of panties you decide to don for the day. When that delicate balance is thrown the result is, well, itchy, sometimes burning, and it smells like you have been sitting on a sourdough loaf for a week. Not a fresh loaf every day, but the same one. Every day. Want a sandwich now? I am baking paleo sourdough loaf for dinner tonight, it is yeast free.
There are UTI’s. You do not require a vagina to enjoy one of these delights, but they tend to happen more often to women. As simple as a little bacteria in your uterine tract, and lucky you, pelvic pain, incessant urge to and then a burning sensation while peeing. Among other symptoms that are equally thrilling.
Menstrating, another delight where your vagina sheds it’s lining and “redecorates” every 28 days or so. Along with cramping, bloating, fatigue, irritability. Not getting your “period” because of hormone imbalances or pregnancy, or any other number of reasons is also quite stress inducing. An example of damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
There are a million different shapes and sizes, labias, clits, I can’t even begin to delve into the pubic hair, trim, wax, sugar, pluck, or a wild un-tamed garden. you can pierce it, stretch it even have it “vajazzeled” (yep real thing), you can exercise it (doing kegals right now).There are Vaginas that get a lot of traffic, some that get none, some that carry babies. There are STI’s, infections, and a laundry list of things could go wrong with this miraculous female organ. I could go on and on! But like having a large yard or a pool, with regular up keep and some maintenance there must be a payoff, right? Besides getting out of speeding tickets (really more a boob pay off) and free drinks? Oh, those miraculous little people that you can make, babies I guess would count as a benefit of vagina ownership. And rarely having to worry about being sexually aroused in public. That probably belongs on the list before baby making.

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Healthy is the new sexy, or something. I should have asked my Dr to take a pic from the other side. Haha. There’s an angle to be famous in the internet for! I feel good I have done my vagina “spring cleaning” for another year. PAPS save lives. Make sure if you own a vagina you take good care of it.

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This weeks Paleo delights

It was cold here all weekend. I stayed close to home, and spent the majority of time in the kitchen. Took a break to watch some of the cross fit comp, it’s pretty impressive, and saying someone has a nice “snatch” never gets old for me. Tried out a few new recepies with success.

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I didn’t seem to take a picture of these:
paleomg.com/lemon-poppyseed-acorn-squash-muffins/
They were delicious, but my acorn squash was too small and I substituted crushed pineapple for half the squash

Caramel Latte had paleo-ized the Vij’s lamb popsicle recipe, and we made those one night, Along with the paleo chocolate nut brownie without the nut, and a paleo caramel instead (served with coconut ice cream)

http://centercutcook.com/cheesy-cauliflower-bread-sticks/ Were amazing, a post that has been circulating on facebook, really great… even if you eat bread, it is delicious!

yesterday and today I experimented with a paleo sour dough bread. We will find out how it tastes tonight, but it looks pretty good!
http://urbanposer.blogspot.ca/2012/12/grain-free-sourdough-bread.html

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super star

I had a very NON paleo latte today. A tall, with just a single pump of syrup. But not paleo. The girl at Starbucks shouted at me. “OH! ITS YOUUUUUU! I MISSED YOU…WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN???????? I felt like a rockstar. Otherwise I ate well, greek yogurt with blueberries and hemp, a banana, 2 hard boiled eggs, a giant slice of paleo lasagna (which is heaven with a little added CHEESE). I ate a mango, did some work and cooked/baked all afternoon. I need to find someone willing to pay me to cook all day, in my PJ’s. Today I made bacon wrapped scallops, faux-tatoes (mashed caulifower), goat cheese, spinach and basil salad, rosemary honey chicken thighs for tomorrow. baked acorn to make lemon poppyseed muffins, paleo nut butter (haha) brownies, hummingbird bread. We are having BBQ’e Yak (yep thats right, yak) with the salad, sauteed garlic mushrooms, faux-tatoes. I went and filled the propane tank for the BBQ, another thing that made me feel like a superstar. In my hot pants and pink heels, It’s flattering/ irritating to be treated like you are helpless. Anyways, off to do more cooking…

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http://cleaneatingwithadirtymind.com/2014/01/13/paleo-reeses-swirl-brownies-with-nut-free-option/

http://paleomg.com/hummingbird-bread/

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Taboo, and glorious cheese

I did it. I lasted 30 days without cheese. It was touch and go a few days. I didn’t miss bread. I did crave rice one day, and of course the drastic cut in sugar was hard. I lost just a couple pounds, an inch off my waist, and overall felt more svelte. Considering I made the gym maybe a half a dozen times all month, I think I did okay. It did take more time to prep stuff, and the money saved from missing starbucks went right into my grocery bill. I just wish I had more energy. It may be time to seek the help of my naturopath, because after sleeping 8.5 hours last night, and eating paleo today, I am tired, exhausted really. I ate, A banana, dried pears (that look like female sex organs), plain greek yogurt with raw honey, hemp seeds, and frozen blackberries. Paleo turkey pepperoni, 24oz of mulberry tea, and then I ate the berries. A spinach salad with egg, almonds, carrots and cabbage, and half an avocado, but I could get into bed, watch a little TV and fall asleep. Maybe it’s because of the cold. Caramel latte is going to continue eating paleo this month, lacto-paleo (so cheese and some dairy) and I will join him. I won’t be as crazy strict, but I will keep with the no sugar, no grains. I was considering doing a 21 day sugar detox in march, and that will be easier if I stick to the paleo plan.
I spent last weekend in vancouver, it was a great time, Caramel Latte and I stayed at Karmas apartment, he had bought tickets for Taboo, the sex show. Spending a weekend away with someone, sometimes can be… well… disaster. Although we do already spend quite a lot of time together in stretches, this could have gone wrong. It was wonderful, we had a great time, laughing, taking transit to get around, I really like that he is adventurous and personable. We strolled the farmers market (cheese samples, yum!), took the sky train down town, perused China town (it was Chinese New Years) Spent over an hour looking at exotic spices and ingredients in the bulk food store (I like that he is a foodie), Ate sushi, mongolian, burgers, A&W and a variety of other non paleo type foods. We drank wine, took the bus to visit the lovely Micah & Brooke for Super Bowl, we chatted, and pointed out scenery to one another, I enjoy his company.
The sex show was informative, so many amazing products out there, waterproof blanket, flashing, buzzing toys, pillows, creams, gels, photographers, props, you name it. A little overwhelming. They had performers, and hands-on exhibits. We attended 3 seminars, one on the g-spot and gushing, hand/blow jobs, the other on anal sex. For the anal sex talk (Playboys Dr Jess) We found seat beside each other, but there was a man that was RANK sitting beside Caramel. He couldn’t take it, so I suggested we sit separately and make friends. I found a spot near the front, a mid 20’s group of friends on my right, a trio of mid 40’s ladies on my left. We chatted for a bit, the ladies had been on thursday night as well. Dr Jess asked for a volunteer from the audience to demonstrate positions. I’m not shy, I put my hand up, thinking there would be other people volunteering. Nope. Just me. Hahaha, Dr Jess found another girl to volunteer and we went to work, with our purple dildo demonstrating anal sex positions on a table on the stage. We were awkward, but enthusiastic, and managed some laughs from the crowd. One position required me to squat over the dildo, and I came down a little hard on it, managed to goose myself pretty good.
After the sex show, we had Mexican and watched drunk people wandering down Cordova St. I liked that we could chat, or just people watch, every moment didn’t have to be filled with conversation, we spent an hour drinking a giant margarita and then went for a late night float. 90 min in a sensory deprivation chamber. http://www.floathouse.ca
Initially, I found it uncomfortable. I had to consciously control my breathing, it took effort to push out the anxiety being in a epsom salt water filled coffin. I somehow ended up with salt water in my nose, and it burned, any skin break or scratch also burned, I was worried about my lash extensions, the humidity is bad for them, How long had I been in there? Why weren’t my fingers getting a pruned? How much longer? I wish I had brought a tooth brush to brush before my float, the water was just a touch too cold, what would I do if I had to pee? I hated it. But I breathed thru, and eventually relaxed, even fell asleep. Post float I felt alert, calm, and relaxed. Not sure I benefitted from more than 20 min of meditation, but not bad for a first time. I recommend if you try it, do it a few times before you decide.

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The way home was gorgeous, we had a sushi picnic and watched the sunset over fresh snow covered trees, gorgeous. I need to go eat something, and then bed early tonight…

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