Vagina ownership requires quite a lot of maintenance

I just saw my Dr. It was time for my annual lady part cleaning and check up. Actually I was in last month, but my cycle came early. Hurray. Since I was there but they couldn’t do my PAP, I had some blood work done, tests I didn’t even study for, but luckily I aced them. HIV, syphilis, and hepatitis C (I have been vaccinated for Hep A & B). Actually the outcome was negative, but that’s good for this kind of test. She checked my blood pressure and it was just slightly on the high side a month ago. This time sitting on a table naked with an open backed gown on, it was picture perfect. She laughed at me commenting that usually you undress a person their blood pressure goes up. Apparently I am my most calm and comfortable without pants on, no surprise. I was thinking on my way to the appointment, (what is a 2 hour drive one way from my house to the office) Vaginas are quite a lot of work. Like owning a pool or a large yard. They are self cleaning, so you would think easier, but can be incredibly sensitive. There is a delicate balance of yeast in vagina’s that can be thrown off by a million different factors, diet, environment, the type of panties you decide to don for the day. When that delicate balance is thrown the result is, well, itchy, sometimes burning, and it smells like you have been sitting on a sourdough loaf for a week. Not a fresh loaf every day, but the same one. Every day. Want a sandwich now? I am baking paleo sourdough loaf for dinner tonight, it is yeast free.
There are UTI’s. You do not require a vagina to enjoy one of these delights, but they tend to happen more often to women. As simple as a little bacteria in your uterine tract, and lucky you, pelvic pain, incessant urge to and then a burning sensation while peeing. Among other symptoms that are equally thrilling.
Menstrating, another delight where your vagina sheds it’s lining and “redecorates” every 28 days or so. Along with cramping, bloating, fatigue, irritability. Not getting your “period” because of hormone imbalances or pregnancy, or any other number of reasons is also quite stress inducing. An example of damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
There are a million different shapes and sizes, labias, clits, I can’t even begin to delve into the pubic hair, trim, wax, sugar, pluck, or a wild un-tamed garden. you can pierce it, stretch it even have it “vajazzeled” (yep real thing), you can exercise it (doing kegals right now).There are Vaginas that get a lot of traffic, some that get none, some that carry babies. There are STI’s, infections, and a laundry list of things could go wrong with this miraculous female organ. I could go on and on! But like having a large yard or a pool, with regular up keep and some maintenance there must be a payoff, right? Besides getting out of speeding tickets (really more a boob pay off) and free drinks? Oh, those miraculous little people that you can make, babies I guess would count as a benefit of vagina ownership. And rarely having to worry about being sexually aroused in public. That probably belongs on the list before baby making.

Healthy is the new sexy, or something. I should have asked my Dr to take a pic from the other side. Haha. There’s an angle to be famous in the internet for! I feel good I have done my vagina “spring cleaning” for another year. PAPS save lives. Make sure if you own a vagina you take good care of it.

Tagged ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: