Oh emm geee

I don’t know where to start, I have a pile of topics swimming around and I’m having a hard time just picking one. I need to commit to writing one topic and go, but I won’t. Again I get restless, and cook, or wander, watch TV, nap. Really anything to wander from my waiting list of writing topics.
Right at this moment I am watching people wander past a coffee/chocolate bar in Vancouver, not far from the hotel. I decided I wanted to go to Winefest this year, for the first time ever, and my boss was kind enough to book a hotel downtown. Caramel Latte and I have been drinking wine, and wandering around since thursday afternoon. We hooked up with a couple of my friends for sushi, and then last night dancing and some late nite pizza. I haven’t had pizza in MONTHS. I remember it being better than the stuff I had last night. He is fun, and easy to take places, he makes friends easily and we have a great time. The only hitch, I have been feeling a bit jealous. And as I write this a cute boy with a great beard and an impressive camera is sitting at the other end of this window bar. Look, look away, look, smile, he is cheering at his cell phone so I have to ask why, hockey. Nice. Anyways… jealous. Caramel Latte is cute, and personable, and although often oblivious women throw themselves at him. Because I am at a work function, I get caught up talking to people I know, and forget to flirt. Dammit. I know that I am amazing, but there is a limit, and jealousy is my insecurity screaming itself to the surface. But what on earth do I need to be insecure about? This is my world, and I have it good. But I still get that pang. Right now he has gone to meet a couple friends from when he lived here, that’s great, and I needed some quality alone time (I REALLY need a nap, damn wine hangover)
Oh… cute guy is leaving, sad face… But I get this sinking feeling, abandonment. My ex in 10 years never invited me, also never came with my friends or family, we kept our lives very separate. Caramel latte is great with my friends, and down for anything, but the invite wasn’t reciprocated. Now if I had been invited, would I have gone? I uh… don’t know, I don’t think so, I did need this alone time, or am I just saying that to myself to satiate the feelings that were dredged up this morning? I’m not sure. But I am quite proud of myself for, acknowledging my feelings, recognizing the baggage associated. I am undecided about what I will do with this wealth of information, but I feel better having put it down in black and white.

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