I am not as “outdoorsy” as I think I am.

Don’t misconstrue me here. I do NOT think I’m outdoorsy, just even less than I’d like to pretend to be. I am NOT athletic, the majority of my life, walking and chewing gum has been a challenge. I have the scars to prove it. Natural athletic ability, zero. Not until I spent a decade with “sporty smurf” (golf, basketball, soccer, and you name it, he played or watched) did I attempt things like tennis, biking, yoga. Just recently I have graduated to snow shoeing, paddle boarding, kayaking among other things. Now, you name it, I’ll try it, and likely it will be good for a laugh. I enjoy getting out and doing things, always been activity motivated, going and doing my thing, but a child prodigy athlete, was not in my cards, every time I left the house in my teens to try a sport or activity I’m sure my mother was expecting a phone call and a hospital visit.
In second grade the grade 7 girls found me in the bathroom running water over a wound on my leg, I had tripped walking to school (late), and needed 3 stitches. I broke my leg play fighting with a boy on the playground in grade 7, on the last day of school, 6 weeks of summer in a cast. In 8th grade we were in P.E. and helping one of my classmates, I squished my finger under a stack of cable weights, reacted and jerked it out, ripping apart my finger, I told the teacher I “broke my nail” and mid eye roll she looked at the blood pouring out of my hand and nearly fainted, 15 stitches on that beauty. Or the time in 10th grade I was running to get ice cream out of the deep freeze, tripped and put my ring thru my chin, another 5 stitches. I addition to separated shoulders, fractured nose, sprains and twists. I am a bruiser, big, ugly, purple and black turned yellow and brown. In my mid 20’s I was sitting at breakfast, sneezed, turned my head a funny way, smoked my face on the table, and gave myself a black eye. Sporty smurf was sitting across the table in astonishment watching this all happen. An afternoon mountain bike resulted in a over-the-handlebars trip, scraped leg, bear sighting and a 2k hike out of a ravine carrying my bike. Seriously couldn’t make up the stupid ways I’ve hurt myself. Grace was not a charm I was blessed with.
Yoga has helped, core strength and an acute awareness of capabilities. Body awareness and isolated muscle control. But I still regularly bite it-HARD.
My friend R and I went for a snow shoe today, probably one of the last of the year, but conditions were not terribly spring like. Inches of fresh powder. We went a few weeks ago, did a couple hour loop and had a great time. This time we were a little more ambitious? I realized I was poorly prepared last time, and tried to improve for this trip, but still came short. Hahah. I never pack enough food or water, and she had fire starter, a light, a multitool, and lots of food. I am not the person you want to get lost in the woods with, but I can walk 18 city blocks in stilettos? Erroneous for todays activities. I remembered lots of layers and tissues, but forgot them in the car. We decided on a longer intermediate loop, it was gorgeous and snowing on top of the fresh powder.
It was a hard start as I had just slammed back, 3 eggs, half an avocado, and a tall macchiato. Along with my multi vitamin, thyroid stuff and maca ginseng capsules. I was fighting back the urge to puke, trail side while being thirsty. Of course leaving the big water jug in the car. Dammit Holley.
The trail was mostly up hill and in addition to the fresh powder we were working hard. No idea how far the loop was (why isn’t this on the map?) we had the good sense to use my phone app to track us. Last time we didn’t remember till we were back to the car. Yay us.
We got lost, a couple times. We were blazing a trail thru un touched powder (well… R was, I was tracing behind). We stopped for pictures, to pee, for water drinks, and sometimes just to whine. It took us an hour to go 2K. It wasn’t looking good, my hip flexors were starting to hurt, my nose was dripping snot-sicles, and my mittens were thoroughly wet. according to the map we were maybe a quarter of the way thru our loop. R started musing about our epic adventure and the possibility of a snow cave in our future. Bahahaha. At this point I wanted to lay down and send for rescue. A little dramatic… our trail was a little more down hill and we made it another 2K in 30 min, okay, we can do this… I was turning my knees out and walking like a duck, waddling, I was waddling to use different leg muscles. We stopped for some water and mango slices, genius, thanks R, I brought granola. I stretched a little, and we checked the map. the trail didn’t show up, but the line of where we had been hinted that we were close to half way. We had to do a little back tracking, lost our trail, and had a bastard of a misplaced sign.
At this point my snot-sicle is nestled into my scarf and I barely notice it anymore. I am pretending I am in a monty python skit and am practicing my ministry of silly walks to use different leg muscles. We are down hill and on a snowmobile track so not near as much powder. We will LIVE! we will make it… I hope. And no one is around to watch the spectacle of me traipsing thru the snow. We met up with a couple ladies, they had 2 dogs and a baby with them, I can’t even take care of myself on a hike, with a baby? I was impressed. We made it back to the car, nearly 3 hours, and 7.2K. The last 500m to the car I was tempted to hunch over and pick up each leg, move it forward with my arms. I resisted that amazing display.
But according to facebook; hey everybody, check out how awesome I am, 7k snowshoe on a saturday, soooooo athletic. The truth is, tomorrow, I’ll make up for it with a long nap. Maybe two. And I harrowingly survived an outdoor experience today. Life changer.





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