rejection cubed squared in a fancy box

Haha, I said box. Okay, I haven’t been to the gym in months and I feel frumpy, why wouldn’t I go on a date or two??? I know setting myself up for failure. But I have this pipe dream that I’ll find someone who accepts me just the way I am, frump and all.
I went on a lunch date with one guy, seemed nice enough, but there was nothing there, he… well… he is a welder (My brother wouldn’t approve). He was just a touch shorter than me, okay until I pull out my gianormous heels, but that wouldn’t bother me. He is a smoker. Gross. Really a deal breaker, altho he didn’t smoke in my presence. He has a 14 year old he doesn’t ever see, and seems to be flip about. Not my place to judge, but I did a little. I am a jerk. All in all there were too many no’s. And my bathing suit parts didn’t feel any different when he was around. There felt like an air of pre holiday relationship desperation about him. Like he was looking for a warm body to spend a few days over the holidays with. A date for the company christmas party to show off, and a way to cut the loneliness of the holiday season. I get it, but… doesn’t make it any better of an idea. And jokes on him, I work thru the holidays. Ha. ha. Maybe the joke is on me…
For our second date we went for dinner, and I couldn’t in good conscience let him pay for another meal knowing I had NO desire to take this any further, I paid for dinner, which sent him into shock. Then a movie, I loved it, he did not share my sense of humour. Another red flag. He made some derogatory comment about “fags” and I wanted to slap him. By this point I knew not only did I not want to date him, we wouldn’t be friends. As politely as I could I told him I wasn’t interested. Rejection is hard, even when you are dishing it out. At least it is for me- a classic people pleaser.
My second dater in 2 weeks for 2 dates was a banker, new to town, and I begrudgingly left my house to meet him for tea. He was great, uh, well, really smart, conversational, but a little bit of a dick. I can handle a dick-edge to men, as long as they are smart. Arrogant ignorant dicks, are not my thing. Our tea took up a couple hours, discussing a variety of world events, he claimed to not be looking for anything serious as he just moved to town. I like it. I’m not looking for anything serious either, I have no time. Mr. nothing serious texted me like a fiend for the next 2 days. Highly entertaining and severely sexually charged. We were going to make out. I had this feeling. Our second date was take out and documentaries on Apple TV. So if nothing else I would learn something. He… was… okay. Not amazing, but okay. Like all those texts ran out his heat. Or maybe I just wasn’t as hot in real life? We made out a bit. He wanted to go slow. Haha. I think I simply wasn’t his thing and he was trying to save my feelings. How kind of him. I haven’t heard from him since. Now it was my turn for rejection. I have a guy friend who is happily married that I dish my dates to. He claims it’s him being supportive, but I think it reinforces for him the benefits of being married. He suggested this man I went on a date with that wanted to go slow had iron will. Amazing control. I suggested it was dumb. He asked me what I would do if he called me again? I assured him it was un likely I would need to worry about it, but IF, big maybe IF he called me again, I would bang him and then never call again. Because that’s how I roll.
All hell has broken loose at work the last week, so no time for dates, but i’ll pick myself up, dust myself off and try this again in january.

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