Tag Archives: dating

oh hello there old friend…

So, looks like it’s been a while since my last post… I am sorry.  Really, and truely and I always make promises to blog more, but this time I won’t make that promise, and maybe that means I will actually write more.  Maybe, I’m not psychicic.  Just hopeful.  

You may be asking “what wild and crazy shenanigans has Holley been up to to prevent her from dancing her fingers across the keyboard to weave a tale for us all?”  Or maybe you are asking yourself “why has Holley started talking about herself in the third person?”  Well, both are valid questions.  Let’s start with the first one.

What have I been doing?

That is an excellent question.  What have I been doing?  I… umm… well.  I can tell you what I haven’t been doing.  Dating.  Haven’t been on a date since the “no chemistry viticultualist” MONTHS ago.  I haven’t been exercising.  Or cleaning my house.  Or doing any number of other things I probably SHOULD be doing.  Although I have sucessfully cleaned off my PVR.  Yes, you heard me right, I not only watched all the TV I had recorded, but I then deleted all the shows.  It was stressful, but what an amazing sense of acomplishment.  PVR clean!  BOOM!  Are you impressed?  I’m impressed.

I have been busy, work fell apart a bit, I have hired 9 new employees in the last 8 weeks.  That’s some stress.  I broke my favourite camera lense, so posting for http://www.theprimaldesire.com has been a little more difficult.  And then have been traveling around the valley doing fun things, in my spare time, in no particular order:  I spent a romantic get away weekend at sparkling hill with my BFF.  I attended my god daughters princess party.  I went to oyster fest in osoyoos.  I cat-sat for 2 weeks while a friend went to Europe, I used her convection oven, gym and hottub.  I went to a VQA wine show with my senior staff.  I spent a weekend in Salmon arm at the beautiful prestige harbour front resort, just a little solo get away.  I spent a couple nights in vernon hotels, for Dr. appt’s and mini solo get aways.  I cat-sat for my friend K which ment long soaking baths and watching entire seasons of Newsroom and Girls.  I took my cousin to her very first concert, Def Leppard.  I went with my Ex to Marilyn Manson, that was amazing people watching.  I went to, So You Think You Can Dance, and Celtic Thunder.  I attended and outdoor beer festival.  I went to my good friend “The King” wedding.  I was sick, so sick, spent 5 days in bed sick, I hadn’t been that sick in years.  I suppose if I could have kept my eyes open long enough I could have used that time to blog.  But I couldn’t, so I didn’t.  I have done a 21 day meditation challenge, and a 30 day paleo challenge.  And started going thru my closet, which is a daunting task.

I have deffinately been on the go, but I feel frumpy, My house is a mess, and I haven’t checked my dating profile messages in so long they will probably be deleted users by the time I get to them!  And of course there is the neglected blog.  So although I have been doing a better job of doing things for myself, I haven’t been doing great things in taking care of my physical or romantic health.  Dammit. 

I wonder if I could outsource this?   Anyone willing to take that position?  You will be met with some considerable resistance, especially initially, as I don’t do well with being told what to do.  Or being nagged.  But what I have been doing obviously isn’t working.  Or maybe I need to be compassionate with myself that things, some things at least are different, and that my progress will come, with equal parts persistance and patience.  Ohh, and alliteration apparently, progress, persistance, patience.  Let’s go with that for now.  I need to get 30 min of walking in and take some recipe pictures before dark… till we meet again my dear friends… 

  


 
  

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Sad single girl

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Are you ready? This is a post I have been kicking around for a while. Weeks, maybe even months. Seems like there is never a good time, I SHOULD be doing many other things, “hey there… piles of junk stacked all over, way to clutter not only my space but my mind too.” Oh work, sure, yeah, I don’t need a life, I’ll just cover that shift, or stay late to get shit done. Website, although I am passionate about it, it’s all so overwhelming sometimes, and working with 10 min of daylight if I’m lucky any day. Well. Yuck. I don’t even want to start on the lack of Gym time.
Okay. I am 35. It kind of snuck up on me. My birthday came and went without the usual fan fare or celebration. I spent the day at home in my PJ’s. I talked to my parents, as they remembered this year (my mom never knows what day it is, so remembering date dependant events has never been her strength, Dad reminded her). Mom said “a break down doesn’t need to happen today.” So I shut out the world and warded off my breakdown.
How did this happen? It was a blink ago I was so HOT, and dancing on bars. I was going places, meeting people. I had plans. Get married, have kids, own a bar. Now I find myself 35, single, no kids, no bar (thank goodness). 35 is closer to 40 than 20. Yuck again. Yuck.
I’m still fairly attractive I suppose, how is that statement for wishy washy…I mean, I feel soft and frumpy right at the moment, but I have my charms. I am clean, for 35 I don’t have any grey, and my smile lines are developing nicely, but I don’t have much in the way of wrinkles.
So why the heck was this last birthday so tough? I mean honestly, I have a fabulous life. I don’t have to watch anything on TV I don’t want to. I don’t have to wear pants if I don’t want to. Had a rough day and feel like going home for a nap? Yeah, I can do that. I have no one but myself to provide for, feed and take care of. I mean, shit, once I pay rent, a can squander the rest of my money on animal print accessories, chocolates and things that sparkle. I feel like going for a drive and not coming home for 3 days, I can do that too. I am foot lose and fancy free.
It’s lonely.
And there are all sorts of social pressures. “You are STILL single.” “Don’t you want kids?” Blah blah blah. I resist my immediate response to tell people I am emotionally unavailable, and I pick men just like me. I want to cry . I want to laugh. I want to say “there must be a terrible flaw in me.” I want to give them a slow blink, turn on my (often awesome candy color stiletto) heel and walk away without muttering a single word.
I refuse to be in a relationship for the sake of not being single. And well, I don’t meet people sitting at home working on my food blog.
Some things need to immediately change. Covering shifts at work. Well, there will be an apathy flush. I am taking care of myself. Exercise. Every day. Has to happen. And blogging, writing for the sake of writing, likely on here because the other blog isn’t really mine, is good for my mental health. I can’t promise a lot, but so you know, I’m alive and struggling thru, and writing for you is on my radar. I will share my sad single girl tales…

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I was cock blocked by a forrest fire. Twice.

HI! OMG! have you missed me? It’s been months, 4 months. So insane how time has flown. I wish I could say I have sooooooo many amazing stories to tell you. But sadly, that would be a lie. Why have I neglected you? Well, I started a second blog, have you seen it? It’s worth a glance, some great recipes and a couple stories, but not nearly as salacious as this one. It’s also not all about me. Lame. hahah. www.theprimaldesire.com
The second blog has been time consuming as we try to get it up and running and making some money, I hope.
Then I took on a second store. It’ll be no problem I thought, I already have a store, “it won’t be much extra work” I said. “It will make the store less busy” I said. I was wrong, a good problem to have but I did way more volume and put in way more hours. So there you have it, I worked like a maniac from may until september. 3 full-time-ish jobs. I am ready for a break down. A recent visit to my naturopath and she requested, no demanded I take some time for myself. Here I am. Writing for you, that is my “me” time.
With so much on my work plate, I haven’t been on many dates thru the summer. I texted and tindered some, but didn’t do anything remarkable.
Met a guy from Tinder (who reminded me of Vanessa’s ex), who told me women ruined tinder by turning it into a dating site, it was for hook ups. haha. Yeah. And…No.
I boy from POF contacted me after the fail of his relationship. Oh, great, back up plan. My dreams come true.
I went on a date with a banker from tinder, and we talked business. At least he told me I was pretty. Not sure why they seem surprised by this, i have recent pictures up.
I saw a guy on tinder in may that was interesting, not my usual type, tall athletic, great teeth, yes, but BLONDE! I know, crazy right??! We chatted for a couple months on tinder and I gave him my phone number. But I never heard from him. I didn’t even notice. Terrible. I was at the bar people watching with R; and this dude, make a line for our table. He starts chatting, and I recognize him. THIS is the guy from tinder who I gave my number to MONTHS ago. Is it? He is telling us about himself and the details match up. It’s him. He doesn’t recognize me? He doesn’t seem to. We flirt, we dance, I leave early. I knew I could message him online so I was being a bit of a jerk. Say goodbye without a phone number exchange, a high 5, half hug and I was out the door. I messaged him on the walk home at R’s urging. “he’s CUTE!” and hello abs for days, which I found during the half hug. But.. he is maybe dumb? I mean to not recognize me? To be fair not everyone remembers details like I do, so I message him. Did he know I was this girl from the bar tonight? He said “you looked familiar” but no, he did not realize I was one in the same. I said “well you have my number, maybe we should make out”. I am smooth. He texted me! Hurray… or something, the King told me “fuck that guy, THAT guy is dumb”. Maybe, but that guy is the first decent prospect I have had in months. And I want to touch his abs. With my face.
We text a bit, but I am out of town, so we find a day to meet up. He messages me to see if we can meet a little later and I blow him off, (not literally) Probably not going to work for me, I’m only giving this guy a small window of opportunity, regardless of his rippling 8 pack. He manages to make it work on my terms and we watch a movie. He has a 19 inch tube TV. Old school, nice! we watch “Un-hung hero” on Net flicks. A “cock-u-mentry” about a guy with a small penis. Well, we have a winning first date movie. He was sweet, rubbed my feet, we chatted a bit. He isn’t dumb, just a little obtuse maybe. The more we chat the more I feel like I should hook him up with my Ex. They have a lot in common. A true bro-mance could blossom between these two. It made me comfortable too, because then we had a lot to chat about. Not really dating material, but neither am I, (for reasons I’ll get into on another post). But I like him. I like him enough to see him again maybe.
Then I don’t hear from him for a few days. I wasn’t sure if I even liked him less than a week ago, why the heck would I feel shitty if he didn’t call? Maybe because I am spoiled by instant gratification, by boys who call, and text, and like me, dammit. Maybe because although I am working on it, I seek external reassurance that I’m pretty or smart, or sweet or whatever I need to feel about myself. That external assurance is fleeting and fickle, but the honest truth is I still seek it. I have not yet attained self love perfection. Yet.
I break down and message him. I’m cooking for the website and need a taster. Did he want to come have dinner? I got a resounding, yes. Enticing a man with food really works! We have a lovely dinner, drinking sangria on the patio on one of the last warm summer nights. He is easy to talk to, again he seems initially a lot like my ex, good or bad I haven’t yet decided. We watch another movie, “Bad words” (funny, highly recommended) and it’s a decent date. Now for the downside. At the end of september his work contract is up, and he is going back to Vancouver. He will become Geographically Un-Desirable, (GUD). Well shit. Maybe I will see him a couple times in the next month. We text a bit here and there, but nothing amazing, he volunteers as a taster whenever I need one, and we plan for a dinner date the following week. Maybe I can convince him to eat shirtless. I mean I should get SOMETHING out of the deal… maybe we will make out! I don’t even know yet. A few hours before dinner he messages me, he was called out for a fire (forestry firefighter). Booo. Cock blocked by a forest fire. Fine. Whatever. We made plans for later in the week the next week, and then he was deployed north for another forest fire. 2 weeks. Which pretty much takes us to the end of the month. And to his GUD status. Cock blocked twice. By burning trees. Perfect. But hey, everything happens for a reason… right?
I am going to hold onto: getting hit on at the bar, and having a few interesting conversations, 2 great foot rubs, and 2 movies watched. Overall a positive experience. Now to find some time in my schedule to go on a few dates…

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I’m not supposed to cry.

It’s bad for my lash extensions. Yes I am vain enough to go in every 3-6 weeks and have my girl individually glue on fake eyelashes. I do this, because, well, it makes me feel pretty. I rarely wear any chemical filled makeup, and I can stay in bed until the last possible second in the morning, then have a 10 minute shower, forget to put on deodorant, and go to work.
I am not supposed to hold back when I feel like crying because it’s bad for my chakras, emotional build up and overall health. It’s a conundrum.
So why is a girl who should feel pretty with her fancy new eyelashes, crying? I’m feeling rejected. I’m frustrated. I haven’t eaten enough today. I’m going to break down the how, what, and why.
It is insane at work right now. NUTS. We are up considerably over last years sales, and the store already does huge volume. We do millions in sales every year, and with a new till system plus increased volume, I’m a little stressed.
Cortisol, it’s a mother f@#ker.
My computer situation hasn’t improved. It’s broken, the other one has a virus and is slow, and the web browser on my iPad isn’t super cooperative for blogging recipes. I can’t upload pictures from my website partners windows/android platforms to my apple gear, and I generally find the actual writing of the recipes, well, if I was an oyster I would have made a few pearls. Cooking, love it, photos, all new to me, but okay, I have an artistic eye, sort of. Writing, I must for my well being, but messing around with spacing etc and putting in the recipes. Blech. And photo editing I may enjoy, but now, I am so completely clueless about it all. I hate not being an expert. HATE not being the best, fastest, smartest. Right now I am learning so many things it’s all over whelming and then I don’t have time to just cook, or just write because I have to mess about with all the other stuff.
I’m feeling isolated. I haven’t reached out to my friends or family, I haven’t seen them, I haven’t been on many dates, just one hike last weekend. One glorious hour away from the website. I have spent all day at work, all evening in the kitchen fighting with an oven that’s too hot, a computer that doesn’t work and trying to master original recipes and professional quality photography. By. My. Self. I used to cook with other people, My blog cohort, but he is busy programming. I can’t grab a tea and sit in the sun blogging at starbucks while I blurt out my thoughts and feelings because I’m stuck in the kitchen, again, By. My. Self. I have submitted some photography to food porn sites, and for every picture that is accepted 5 are rejected. I don’t often hear “No” I have realized. Again, I’m used to being the one that calls the shots, that has done the homework, has read the book, not just watched the movie. I know things about things. Add rejection to the frustration that every submission takes a photo resizing, a description, a write-up, the correct and innovative tags and 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back. To be rejected, because of composition, or because I can’t crop on my touch screen and I’m fighting with my tablet the entire time. It’s all so subjective. And it makes me want to throw something. Phew after that little pity party, I feel better, ish. At least I stopped sogging up my lashes.
Again, Cortisol, it’s a mother f@#ker.
I shouldn’t be blogging on here. I have been trying to drive traffic from this blog to that one. But honestly, why would you readers from here want to go over there? I haven’t put any content on there. I haven’t told any stories, or divulged any salacious tales. I haven’t been outside the kitchen. There has been no “50 shades of Holley” (thanks L, love that!). I worry maybe I’m not funny anymore. Even If I had a couple entries, the new blog, it’s like a new pair of jeans. It’s nice, looks great. We have gotten a LOT of compliments on it. But it’s not… comfortable. It doesn’t yet fit the curve of my ass quite right. There’s maybe a little chafing. I wrote a piece yesterday to post about the day a year ago I was hysterical, low, hopeless, and I used a dirty gym sock to blow my nose. My blog partner said it was too much. Too sad, too low. (more god dammed rejection). Maybe he’s right. But that’s where I was. I felt like I was at the bottom. Sunk. Disparaged. I got better. (Makes me think of monty python skit “she turned me into a newt! …I got better…) I made changes, I did the work. I had the support. I feel like people who shared in your lows subsequently are more cherished when they then get to share in your highs. Speaks to the quality of readers I had, and kept when I was Debbie downer. I feel like new readers need a little perspective on the drastic changes that can be made. The progress that can be had. The extreme swing from where I was a year ago, to where I am now, and where I could be a year from now. Maybe I’m not giving the new blog a chance. It’s like making a new friend. You can’t just push them into the deep dark end of your emotional pool. You have to coax them in, let them get comfortable with the temperature of the water, then send them into the deep end. Or off the deep end. Hahaha
I need to go eat…Dairy Queen. Because altho I have this clean eating blog, I’m still addicted to sugar. And I feel like I want to console myself, and watch trashy TV. If I get a banana split, it has fruit, that is like a salad? Yeah. Tomorrow I will yoga after work and start one of the 4 lifestyle books I bought today, maybe the 21 day sugar detox should be on the top of that list. And maybe write a recipe.

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On my soap box for a minute

Okay, I have been consumed the last couple weeks, with trying to get the new site going, and work has exploded. Spring is here, along with a computer system upgrade and our competitors closing down for renos (I’ve heard rumblings of a sale and that they may not be re-opening anytime soon) I am busy! I am also tired of being tired. I eat well, get 8-12 hours of sleep but still could sleep all day. In fact last saturday that is just what I did. Woke up early, had a morning snooze, made brunch, had an afternoon nap, was too lazy to make dinner, ate yogurt and watched a half of a season of the walking dead, I am nearly caught up. And then was to sleep by 10pm. Ridiculous. Luckily My blog partner has been doing the majority of the framework, he’s done an amazing job. So he has been building me a new soap box, and I am going to unleash a rant on diet, calorie counting, and my sick obsession with the scale. I’m also going to address the influences that can mess up our self image. We are working on some great grain free recipes, and been taking pictures. The new site is starting to breathe and take life, very exciting!!
I am going to document, what I eat, a food diary! Along with a 10 day cleanse my naturopath has put together. We are going to fix this fatigue, my blood pressure is LOW! The low side of normal anyways, and my heart beat, although not the worst she has heard it, was weak and a little irregular. As usual I cried in her office. The first time in a couple weeks I had teared. Except when I watched the “How I met your Mother” finale, of course, I am not a gargoyle (made of stone).
I went on a couple dates last week, one tinder fellow who quite obviously was interested in “doing” me. The end. Hahaha. No thanks. Soul-less banging not on my agenda. The other guy, we talked on POF well over a year ago, but he hadn’t remembered. Lovely man, damaged and still reeling from his last break up. But looking for friendship at this point, which is totally do-able. I have a date potential lined up, he is training for the granfondo. Yes bike geek!!
Of course content for the new site is my first priority until I start my cleanse (saturday I think) then it is only second because my health is my primary concern. And I have to get up on my new soap box and rant…

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Maple was my gateway starbucks

Two months being disciplined, and eating Paleo. Success. The second month was a little easier, not wanting to bareknuckle fight someone for cheese. Funny the things you miss… I missed cheese. Had the odd craving for oatmeal, or rice, or toast with butter and my moms raspberry jam, but overall, manageable. I lost 7 pounds, nothing crazy, but nearly 2 inches off my waist, and a half inch off my hip. Everything else stayed the same. I didn’t hit the gym more than once or twice a week, and I really would shame myself about it. I didn’t feel up to it, but that isn’t a good enough reason for the non-compassionate asshole I tend to be to myself.

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I spent 5 days in Vancouver with Caramel latte, drinking, eating at some amazing places, and visiting friends. We had a great time, he is fun, and personable, and always up for an adventure. The dress I wore for day one, is one I bought in december, and it fit, just a touch tight in fact, and by the end of feb it was bagged out a bit in the waist. We took some pictures of our amazing room, and food, and drank so much great wine, Every meal we made friends with the table or tables beside us. Even the flash of jealousy I felt on my alone afternoon was enlightening in a way I never could have imagined. I wonder how long it takes before you heal? Past baggage will always leave a mark or scar of some sort. Caramel and I had a long conversation over Japanese BBQ, (it’s a BBQ pit in the middle of the table where you cook your own already marinated meats and veggies, plates and plates of food and sake, it was nearly 3 hours of chatting and cooking)

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I’ve been getting some ribbing from friends that although I won’t call him my “boyfriend”, he for all intensive purposes is. Well… he’s not. We match in that we aren’t sure where either of us is headed, we are both floating, drifting a bit. Enjoy each other’s company immensely and have a pile in common, but I’m afraid of losing myself again, and he seems to be afraid of hurting someone. Things between us are good, great, but it won’t be more. Which is okay for now, but for how long? I can accept that he doesn’t want a girlfriend, but if he decided he did, and it wasn’t me, I would be crushed. He would be immeasurably dumb, of course, but I would be hurt. So what does this all mean? I find someone I like, (seems the trend in the last year and a half), and I close down to other options. Maybe there is someone out there even better for me? Someone as great as Caramel Latte but more focused? I still need to work on self love and compassion. I have been neglecting friends and family, I have certainly been neglecting my blog. He said something funny, as we exchanged stories on our long relationships, He said he couldn’t imagine the strong woman I am now, ever being in that situation. I could argue the woman I was before that relationship was far closer to the woman I am now, it was a flash in time, a perfect storm, a slip and fall, (here I am crying in starbucks again, dammit). Will I continue to see him? Yeah, he is great fun, but I need to stay grounded in myself and honest if my needs and wants are being fulfilled, because eventually I will want more. So more dating, but passive, and focused. Any friends of friends want to set me up? BRE said last night of all the people she knows, she is convinced I will get what I want. Everything I want. It’s out there and I will find it. I was touched. I am confident she is absolutely right.
I should stop crying at starbucks, or they should get softer napkins. I stopped packing tissues in my purse, dammit. Poor planning.
Right, nearly forgot… maple macchiato, years ago they had maple as a seasonal flavour at Starbucks, it was the only thing I could drink my anti coffee self, and makes sense as its mostly sweet maple and milk, I came in for a steamed milk to make a tea latte and saw, behold the maple is back! So excited to be reunited I ordered a venti, half sweet, and non fat. It was delicious as I knew it would be, and promptly gave me a SPLITTING headache. The caffeine, maybe, but more likely the sugar. I haven’t slept well all week, and have a general ache, I’m either getting sick or my body is protesting this non paleo diet. Is it possible I felt terrible every day and simply didn’t know any better? I would like to do a 21 day sugar detox shortly, so continuing on a clean or mostly paleo diet will help facilitate that, but I want a break. The key will be moderation, and making good choices, I cannot eat a whole slice of cake, not even one with bacon, Venti is no longer an option, whopper wednesday is a bad idea.

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All these bumps are getting me to where I need to be.

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Oh emm geee

I don’t know where to start, I have a pile of topics swimming around and I’m having a hard time just picking one. I need to commit to writing one topic and go, but I won’t. Again I get restless, and cook, or wander, watch TV, nap. Really anything to wander from my waiting list of writing topics.
Right at this moment I am watching people wander past a coffee/chocolate bar in Vancouver, not far from the hotel. I decided I wanted to go to Winefest this year, for the first time ever, and my boss was kind enough to book a hotel downtown. Caramel Latte and I have been drinking wine, and wandering around since thursday afternoon. We hooked up with a couple of my friends for sushi, and then last night dancing and some late nite pizza. I haven’t had pizza in MONTHS. I remember it being better than the stuff I had last night. He is fun, and easy to take places, he makes friends easily and we have a great time. The only hitch, I have been feeling a bit jealous. And as I write this a cute boy with a great beard and an impressive camera is sitting at the other end of this window bar. Look, look away, look, smile, he is cheering at his cell phone so I have to ask why, hockey. Nice. Anyways… jealous. Caramel Latte is cute, and personable, and although often oblivious women throw themselves at him. Because I am at a work function, I get caught up talking to people I know, and forget to flirt. Dammit. I know that I am amazing, but there is a limit, and jealousy is my insecurity screaming itself to the surface. But what on earth do I need to be insecure about? This is my world, and I have it good. But I still get that pang. Right now he has gone to meet a couple friends from when he lived here, that’s great, and I needed some quality alone time (I REALLY need a nap, damn wine hangover)
Oh… cute guy is leaving, sad face… But I get this sinking feeling, abandonment. My ex in 10 years never invited me, also never came with my friends or family, we kept our lives very separate. Caramel latte is great with my friends, and down for anything, but the invite wasn’t reciprocated. Now if I had been invited, would I have gone? I uh… don’t know, I don’t think so, I did need this alone time, or am I just saying that to myself to satiate the feelings that were dredged up this morning? I’m not sure. But I am quite proud of myself for, acknowledging my feelings, recognizing the baggage associated. I am undecided about what I will do with this wealth of information, but I feel better having put it down in black and white.

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Ho hum.

So. I have been giving myself a lot of slack. Eating really clean, being a homebody, spending time with the wonderful Caramel Latte. Not going to the gym tho, spending all my time cooking and watching net flicks. I was being compassionate with myself, but really, hiding out a bit. Yesterday I woke up with a killer knot in my neck, a sure signal I’m not dealing with something. Also a dying thirst as the last 2 days have been spent eating hershey kisses in my office at work. Hershey Kisses are not paleo.
Okay, a quick re-cap. I checked my POF messages for the first time in a month (maybe longer) and had a guy who e-mailed me a year ago expressed relief at finding me on there again. I agreed to meet him for a drink. Why? Well, I’m a sucker, and he was so damn excited about seeing me. I planned the usual one hour meet and greet having a girlfriend meet me at the pub afterwards. He had been on more than 40 dates over the last 2 years. Not a bad guy, but an Eyore. The conversation was predominately about him, he was easily led, Initially he went on a mini rant, a sad story where he didn’t understand why women didn’t like him. And if there was a spark it would turn out women didn’t enjoy receiving oral sex, so he had to break it off. Well… cheque please, what a catch… a set of earplugs and a dental dam and I had my entire weekend planned. The ear plugs to muffle his whining, at least during the time his tongue wasn’t at work between my thighs. Why did he feel the need to say this in the first hour of our first date? He’s a bit of a mess honestly, A quote “If we were having a fight I would call you a Bitch, but I wouldn’t hit you or anything”. Wonderful. I should know better. Thank goodness for R meeting me for tea, because I have the suspicion Eyore was looking for/expecting a marathon date, but I had had enough conversation leading after 50 min.
Valentines day. Well, it was never a big deal around my house while I was “married” being single never really bothered me either, it’s a pegan fertility ritual, I need no part in it. And I have an excess of love in my life every day. But after last year, getting flowers, was nice. Damn you Goldylocks, you ruined me for valentines day. Hahaha. Not really but it was a jag at one point of the day, when I reflected on it. Luckily Karma had a husband out of town, lucky for me at least, and she made me dinner, we drank prosecco with strawberries and watched True Detective and chatted. Her darling of a grandmother just passed away last week, and she was telling me about it. Amazing the strength and love in people after experiencing a lifetime of loss and victory. Gran was a dear, and she will be missed. Also, True Detective, dark and smart, a new fave, not that I need more TV to watch.

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I slept like crap last night, up late, up early, and overall restless. I need to walk, work out, put together a program to stick to the next 30 days, and a kick ass playlist to motivate my bad self to the gym solo. 30 min every day light aerobic, even just a brisk walk. And no more dates because they are excited, I have to be excited about them.

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Christmas party, and continued dating

Okay, I went to calgary for 5 days, my nephews birthday, and a long overdue visit. Generally I spend all my time with the kids/family. But this time I had resolved to spend some time on my own, and even see some friends. I hopped on Tinder, and holy matches while in the city. I had a veritable man buffet laid before me. All sorts, and I exchanged messages with a handful, but didn’t end up meeting anyone. I did take the train down town one day and did a little H&M dress shopping, met a couple friends for coffee and a visit, and as always had my fill of kid time. I LOVE those kids, and my bro and sister in law. I also love my life, and coming home to it was nice. More so than ever before I think I would return home previously and feel sad and alone. I’m in a better place now.
I had an annual christmas party at L&T house. I was sitting in Caramel Lattes kitchen watching him cook (a marvellous sight this man cooking, and I would post a picture, but without his consent, I cannot) We were chatting and I asked him if he would be around and wanted to join me. There was no definite plan set, but when it rolled around he texted to see what the plan was, what should he wear, what time etc. I was amazed. Nearly a decade of declined invitations, broken plans, and outright “No’s”. I didn’t have to beg or plead or bargain, this man would just come with me? Not knowing anyone but me and a casual meeting of L&T for my birthday, Caramel latte came with. He was spectacular, personable, conversational, if I was chatting with someone, he would move and strike up a conversation with someone else. I had a great time, I think he did too. We stayed a little longer than originally planned, so we postponed our dinner plan until the next day. I had decided to cook lamb for the first time. Leafing thru Caramel lattes cook books I had found this recipe for Mediterranean grilled Lamb. It was delicious! With the lamb, greek salad, pita tzatziki, (two kinds) Tarragon grilled onions and Lemon garlic potatoes, it was amazing. I have been inspired to cook again. Other than Caramel latte, and Tinder luck, I did meet one guy who I had forgotten about back in september for a much anticipated date. He wanted to take me for prime rib… but I know what that means…. Haha, nice enough guy, but honestly, not spectacular, and I really just agreed to meet him because of the guilt I had about forgetting him. Needless guilt. I did have two separate men send me random unsolicited cock shots last week, one from tinder, one from high school. I told both of them that unless they were applying for the position of “Boy friend” I wasn’t taking any more resumes for the casual position, but I would keep them on file. I just don’t have the time to devote to dating right now. I have been challenged to eat Paleo for the next 30 days, I will be spending my time cooking.

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Tinder luck

okay, this is a tough write, I have been on 2 dates with this guy, I am rolling them into one, and our first date was now over a month ago. So of course the details will be fuzzy. I did text the cute boy from the gym who is also seeing someone he met on tinder, so I have some notes. Okay…
I was laying in bed one friday morning flipping thru tinder, checking the yes and no boxes as pictures flashed in front of me. I clicked a yes, and a few minutes later I had a match. We messaged back and forth while I got ready for work and then we switched to text. He lives in Vancouver but finds himself in the area (vernon, kelowna, penticton) every couple of weeks. We decide to meet for lunch, but both got caught up at work and rescheduled for dinner. He was a touch late meeting me, and I surprisingly didn’t leave. Not knowing how this would go we sat at the bar and had a drink. He was interesting, smart, we had a number of things in common, we moved from the bar to the dining room and had an amazing dinner, we ordered the same thing, and chatted easily for 2 and a half hours. After dinner we moved our date to a coffee shop, really cool retro book store with a cafe. We both had tea and continued to chat, we had both been in long relationships, we both blogged, it was both of our first tinder dates, we shared a number of the same views on issues. It was a great time, and a single drink turned into a 5 hour date. He hugged me and kissed me sweetly on the cheek requesting I message him when I got home safely. The next day he texted me and told me I was beautiful, and that in his nervousness the night before he had forgot to tell me. We texted back and forth for a couple weeks him sending my inspirational links, videos, and asking a multitude of questions.

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This man is smart and sweet. He was back in town for work 2 weeks later and we arranged another date. I picked him up from the hotel and he had flowers for me, he had searched for my fave, but had to substitute other varietals of daisy. All very sweet. We went to chronic taco, and then to Mission Hill, wine tasting and a drive, chatting away. It was a grey blustery day but as we emerged from out wine tasting the sun came out, it was gorgeous!

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After our wine tour and photo shoot we wandered down town shopping and chatting. This man a perfect gentleman, opening every single door, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, between me and traffic, and would not let me pay for a single thing. Something I find a little infuriating, not that I can’t appreciate gallantry, but that I feel men and women should be equals. Maybe I’m simply not used to it. We did a little boutique shopping and I tried on this dress hoping for a laugh, actually it wasn’t that terrible…

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He is lovely, smart, sweet, Asian, and lives in vancouver. So logistically it’s hard to see him more, but it gives me an added reason to go down for a visit! And it makes tinder, a win.

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