Tag Archives: online dating

Hey, I might like you… here is a picture of my dick. :-)

Hey Ya’ll! How the heck have you been? Miss me? I have been eating paleo the last month so been sticking fairly close to home, hard to meet for drinks or coffee dates when you aren’t drinking. And no sitting at starbucks blogging either.

Okay, last time I wrote here I told you about a guy who rejected me. a few weeks later he texted me. Whatever else he had going on must have fell thru. Well, after a quick text to my friend T, we decided – fuck that guy. He missed his window. I did reply, but kept it icy. I’m no back up plan. And the more he texted me the less I liked him.

I’ve been on a couple casual dates, and some random texts from old flames. I did get a few dick pictures from a tinder meet. Holy horse cock. Hahaha. Since the cock shot shares, I see he isn’t on tinder anymore, so someone must have been adventurous enough to tackle the gigantic monstrosity, you know what, I’m sharing it. I’ll just snip it a bit. Hahah. Snip it…. My immediate reaction was fear. Pretty sure I have an average sized vagina, that equipment would bruise my poor lady parts.


I’ve been working hard on improving my mood, before christmas and most of last fall I was feeling low. Depression had crept in along with stress, a few extra pounds and under eating. I just wanted to crawl into bed and hide out, but then would beat myself up for that. Instead of enjoying the rest and relaxing.

I’ve also tried to say yes to more things. Dinner with friends? Yes. Trip to Portland with my Ex? Yes. That’s right, a potentially awkward weekend away was a great time. We had some drinks, did a pub crawl, caught a basketball game and rang in the new year. Really great time. Are we rekindling a romantic flame? Nope. Not a chance. Not again. But he did mention (while drunk) he didn’t realize how good he had it with me. So there was a little vindication.

I was madly flirting with a friend of a friend a couple weeks ago at a games night. I told Cherise about my new boyfriend and that I intended to flirt my face off later that night, that I was almost ready to tell him he was my new boyfriend because I had seen him at a handful of events now. Well… I did flirt, we sat next to each other, leg against leg, I was TOTALLY in there! He gave me his phone number. Conquest complete. And then it happened. I made some reference about something in pop culture that he didn’t get. This was odd, he gets all my jokes, and is smart enough to know how funny I am. But he didn’t get this… suspicion crept in. How old is this man? Is he actually a boy, was I the oldest person in the room? Was I preying on him? Yes, I was, but was I cougaring him, not just preying? Shit. He is 25. Really? Ugh. I laughed, he said “almost 26” like that makes it any better. Dammit. We might have to break up. These imaginary relationships can be so hard.

Speaking of men far too young for my the 22 year old broke up with his girlfriend. Sigh. I feel mixed emotions about it, He is SO good for my ego. And he CALLS me. I know… uses that text and internet device I carry around with me to verbally communicate. But although he has gotten older, so have I. And he still lives a ways away. I have now realized I am not preying on him, but I think he may be hunting this cougar. And if I date a man 12 years my junior I can justifiably be called a “cougar.” I have been entertaining the idea of a t-shirt. I think it should say something along the lines of “must be this tall to ride” but should have a born-before date.

I went to Seattle for a weekend with my Blog buddy, we caught Super Bowl in the emerald city and had a little post game bar hop. We met a group in one bar, they left and they were already at the next bar we went to. It is the best feeling to walk into a random bar, that you have never been to before and have a table of people scream your name with excitement. I felt like a rock star. And I had a man tell me he “Loved his girlfriend, but I was truly extraordinary”. Awe. I wasn’t interested in anything but taking off my boots and brushing my teeth at that point. But good to hear for external validation none the less.

I have a lunch date today with a man of an appropriate age, and a couple on the hook for next week meet ups. No dick pics this week, but I am hopeful for next week!!

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Tinder luck

okay, this is a tough write, I have been on 2 dates with this guy, I am rolling them into one, and our first date was now over a month ago. So of course the details will be fuzzy. I did text the cute boy from the gym who is also seeing someone he met on tinder, so I have some notes. Okay…
I was laying in bed one friday morning flipping thru tinder, checking the yes and no boxes as pictures flashed in front of me. I clicked a yes, and a few minutes later I had a match. We messaged back and forth while I got ready for work and then we switched to text. He lives in Vancouver but finds himself in the area (vernon, kelowna, penticton) every couple of weeks. We decide to meet for lunch, but both got caught up at work and rescheduled for dinner. He was a touch late meeting me, and I surprisingly didn’t leave. Not knowing how this would go we sat at the bar and had a drink. He was interesting, smart, we had a number of things in common, we moved from the bar to the dining room and had an amazing dinner, we ordered the same thing, and chatted easily for 2 and a half hours. After dinner we moved our date to a coffee shop, really cool retro book store with a cafe. We both had tea and continued to chat, we had both been in long relationships, we both blogged, it was both of our first tinder dates, we shared a number of the same views on issues. It was a great time, and a single drink turned into a 5 hour date. He hugged me and kissed me sweetly on the cheek requesting I message him when I got home safely. The next day he texted me and told me I was beautiful, and that in his nervousness the night before he had forgot to tell me. We texted back and forth for a couple weeks him sending my inspirational links, videos, and asking a multitude of questions.


This man is smart and sweet. He was back in town for work 2 weeks later and we arranged another date. I picked him up from the hotel and he had flowers for me, he had searched for my fave, but had to substitute other varietals of daisy. All very sweet. We went to chronic taco, and then to Mission Hill, wine tasting and a drive, chatting away. It was a grey blustery day but as we emerged from out wine tasting the sun came out, it was gorgeous!



After our wine tour and photo shoot we wandered down town shopping and chatting. This man a perfect gentleman, opening every single door, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, between me and traffic, and would not let me pay for a single thing. Something I find a little infuriating, not that I can’t appreciate gallantry, but that I feel men and women should be equals. Maybe I’m simply not used to it. We did a little boutique shopping and I tried on this dress hoping for a laugh, actually it wasn’t that terrible…

He is lovely, smart, sweet, Asian, and lives in vancouver. So logistically it’s hard to see him more, but it gives me an added reason to go down for a visit! And it makes tinder, a win.

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Over 100 different apps

Okay, the list of choices are endless. You HIV positive? There’s a dating app for you. Gay, straight, bi, tri, old, young, jewish, christian, black, asian, wasp, in a specific city, there is likely a specially tailored dating app for you. In the last couple weeks I have expanded outside of the POF to a Tinder, the 22 year old told me about it, but it wasn’t until the cute guy from the gym said something I looked into it. It’s linked to your Facebook, shows 1-5 pictures, any mutual friends or interests. You can set your parameters for age and geographical location. After that, load up your own pictures, and let the magic happen. You simply check a box, X for nope, ❤ for yes. If the other person also clicks a <3, bingo bango you have a match, and you can,at this point send messages. If one of you X’s they are gone forever.

Basically it is like playing a game. Or, I akin it to picking up in a bar, but from the comfort of your Onesie at home. You are judging and making decisions based entirely on a photograph. Not that POF is miles deeper…
There are a few instances where similar friends will discourage me from clicking the heart. Terrible? Maybe. It’s all judging, but may prompt me to clean up my facebook friend list.

I have seen 3 different guys that I have been on a date with on there, nice guy, caramel latte, and snap chat. I liked caramel latte as we had talked about it, but the other two I x-ed. Why wouldn’t I just text them instead of chatting on an app? The down side of course is it seems to be more of a hook-up feel. As well there are only a certain number of people in town on the app… so… lots of matches to start, petering out. Caramel latte said that my match was the first one he had in months. Like POF, the more you play the more matches you’ll get. If you have x’ed or ❤ all of the users in your area, it pops up with a little message. Not exactly but something like, "you have exhausted all of your resources" That is a sad thought…

Another App I perused with Karma last week was LULU. I was made aware of the app by one of my dates, the unicorn e-mailed me with horror. Another link to facebook app, where women can rate their dates anonymously. There are a series of questions and a secret algorithm to come up with a number out of 10. No one I knew had been rated. As a man, you can request to be removed, you can add your own #'s and the good old, throw the curve by getting girl friends to rate you. As a viewer you can also chime in if you think the girl who reviewed is spot on, or out to lunch. It's the kind of petty "slam book" type activities girls have been doing to each other since the dawn of modern society. Now we can do it to men! Hello progress!! It was designed to give women power in the dating scene, a man behaves badly and he can be punished, not just by you, but thousands of other women too. It does have a role, I'm sure it could deter some creep behaviour, just like any means of accountability usually does. Unfortunately the emotional and mental maturity/health of either party is not assessed in the hash-tagging process.

It's all very interesting, the degradation of society? You don't even have to go to a bar to hook up? Or bad mouth a bad date, you can do it anonymously, in your PJ's while watching TV. Or while blogging at Starbys.

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Snap chat? snap chat… sigh.

I was on POF earlier this week. For the first time in a couple of weeks, cleaning up and returning messages. I had a message from a cute guy. Super cute, tall, dark, I seem to be into those caramel fellows lately, maybe because caramel latte has been such a great find, I’m conditioned to love the caramel. Caramel brûlée lattes are my season fave starbys, half sweet of course. Perhaps Abed from community has also fed my caramel crush. Although having a lady boner for the tall dark handsome types is not new, My ex was all those things. Any how… message from this cute guy, I was interested, made a quick scan of his profile, 27. Well, shit. I responded I was flattered, too old for him, but he was super cute (dimples…yes please). He responded immediately with WHO decided I was too old? Um.. society as a whole? Maybe he was a mature 27. I’ve met a few of those. He asked for my number because he noticed I’m not online often. He seemed harmless and I gave him my cell. We texted a couple hours, before the gym and after, he seems like a great guy, but so very young. We have an opposite work schedule, him nights and weekends, my week days, but there are a few hours in the evening we can text. We have a few things in common, and age is just a number… right? There are a few obvious differences of course, As I was headed to bed last night he wanted me to add him on snapchat. For those of you who don’t know, it is a sort of picture messaging system that erases the picture sent in 1-10 seconds. Ideally of course, people have found a way to keep those pictures sent and not ment to be kept. The obvious use for this app is explicit pictures. Dick picks that automatically erase themselves? That will put a damper on my extensive collection. Cherise and I were joking just the previous weekend that we had face timed, and what was next? Snap chat? All the cool kids were doing it. We were, of course, joking. We just barely have a handle on hashtags, and primarily because of Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake making fun. But here I am on a tuesday night, this young man doesn’t want to ichat photos, snapchat. I will get dick pictures from him. My cockshot senses are tingling. I wish I had a better super power.
This morning I downloaded snap chat. And so far this guy has made it into my “best friends” category. He has sent me 2 pictures, one of that pretty face, dimples and all. He has nice teeth, I noticed in the 6 seconds I had to view the picture. The next one had a caption that said “best part of getting home, getting naked” But the pic was shoulders up. Funny I didn’t notice his dimples as much… haha. I’m going to send him back a picture of a cat, or a flower. Perhaps a majestic sunset. Oh… no my onesie. But that thing is possibly the sexiest thing I own. I am a jerk. I wanted to talk about the blue tooth and GPS instant dating scene, all the cool kids are doing that too… Tinder, scruff (which appeals to me but is for gay men), and a variety of other instant apps. Unfortunately my laptop battery is about to die, so another day. My bet is it isn’t likely to bring up the average age of men I date. Sadly.

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Seven… seven dates in 2 days.

Not all of them were actual dates. One was a parking lot chat and reconnect, one was dinner with my friend K (who will get an entire post this week, I don’t know what I would do without him…) One was coffee with a man, who disclosed near nothing about himself, married? Maybe… It was odd and refreshing to not have to lead a conversation. One was breakfast with Bree and the cute boy from the gym. I think it was my favourite of the non-date dates. It was earlier saturday morning, I went downstairs to meet the cute boy from the gym and Bree was chilling on the couch, she gets up early. I told her where I was going, and asked if she wanted to join, I mean, what man would say no to a threesome? Haha… I texted him, he was cool with it, and we had a breakfast party. He is smart and funny, personable, and cute, which always helps. He teased me about the 22 year old, we talked about a variety of things, had an easy good time, no awkwardness that can happen with threesomes. At one point he was teasing me, I have a LOT of animal print, zebra, leopard… I told him I preferred leopard, his reply was that made sense, I was more predator than prey. Makes me smile… it’s a true statement. He bought us breakfast and we went our separate ways, Bree agrees with me, the cute boy from the gym is pretty fantastic.
We wandered the market a bit after breakfast and things were good. My sore throat was almost gone. I had a naturopath appt in the afternoon saturday. It was revealing. I feel rejected. Deeply rejected and jealous. Her assessment was that those emotions, which I couldn’t even express at first were what was causing my sore throat, swollen tonsils, even the fever. My GP called today and the swab she took was negative for strep. I have a mess of new homeopathic remedies, and an electro tap therapy to help soothe my raw rejection. I have some tapping and writing to do. I am caught up with the first flood of POF dates, just one more man that wants to meet. But I have no time this week to date… I need to deal with this emotion.

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You can’t win if you don’t play

I did it. I wrote a profile. My book (the power of now- ekhart tolle, that I have now finished). Said “do it now, or do not do it at all.” He wasn’t referring specifically to dating of course. But why was I putting it off? Insecurity. What if I don’t have what boys are looking for? Not pretty, or smart or rich enough. I have never before failed online dating, based predominately on a picture. Never been accused of being un intelligent. I manage to pay my bills and take care of myself. None of these statements are true about me. Fear. What if I meet some psychopath? They look just like everyone else…What if I revert back to my people pleasing, mothering tendencies? How do I make sure I remain a “bitch” and keep my own fledgling dreams and hopes alive. Like new shoots in the spring, they are so delicate, eager but vulnerable. Delusional fantasy. What if Goldylocks comes to the realization I’m a damn catch? And that he deserves someone as spectacular as I am? And the fairy of past relationships and real life comes and waives her fairy dust over him miraculously and instantaneous solving all of his problems… making the world sparkle with that fine iridescent glitter I would imagine fairy dust is made of… that would be amazing I bet he wishes for that too…
The scape goat of time. I am not ready, I don’t have a toe hold on my future, I am still running back to swim in my past. The right time is now. The book I just finished was talking about relationships and enlightenment, this passage spoke to me:
“Once you have identified with some form of negativity you do not want to let go. On a deeply unconscious level you do not want positive change. It would threaten your identity as a depressed angry or hard done by person. You will then ignore deny or sabotage the positive in your life. This is a common phenomenon. It is also insane.”
So was that what was happening? I was a sad single girl? A girl that men would leave to live in regret rather than work on things with me? A girl that found men that weren’t equipped (at this time) to give me what I need or want? Clinging and sticking in relationships that didn’t work for me. Now this is all deeply unconscious, “Nobody chooses dysfunction, conflict or pain. Nobody chooses insanity. This happens because there is not enough presence in you to dispel the past, not enough light to dispel the darkness.” Or this beauty, “relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness inside.” I realized that my relationships become addictions. “Addiction to another person, the incompleteness looks to fill ego, and nothing is ever enough to give lasting fulfillment.” Great… but makes perfect sense. I am light years away from enlightenment, but I saw a single beam for a moment with this one.
I came to the realization I have NO idea how this is supposed to look. Dating. I have been held hostage, isolated. I have done those things to myself because that’s what I thought a relationship should look. I have swung madly in the other direction, a mania of dates without discrimination. Like a squirrel darting from tree to tree. Why was finding someone I actually LIKED in Goldy so amazing? Shouldn’t I feel like anyone I choose to spend my time with going forward, are men that I like? It will be a struggle, living in the now, and listening to myself. Like an anorexic learning to eat again?
I wrote my profile, taking a couple hours to thoughtfully describe myself, and a bit of what I’d been through. I was anxious about it, and forwarded it to a few of my girls to read. Was it too much info? Was it real? Was it honest? Sometimes it’s hard to be honest with yourself. The feed back was generally good, the consensus made a few changes to paragraph placement, hook them in, and then once they are hooked you can dump out the long relationship, therapy, and the insane dating last year. And “dump out” I did. Maybe too much, but I was trying to screen out, deter a few crazies. I don’t want to hide who I am, I want to celebrate the strength and progress I have made. I deliberated, but I posted a picture. I am pretty dammit, and I don’t want to hide who I am. I also thought maybe some of the boys that had e-mailed or been on dates with me already would then screen themselves out.
The first day, I had 24 new messages. 3 of them were from men I had been on dates with already. I posted a current picture, taken a couple weeks ago, and I guess they didn’t recognize me? I am the one that went on 30 dates, shouldn’t I be the one to forget? I did get a message from a 45 year old married man looking for “nothing serious” that told me disclosing that I had been to a therapist would deter “contenders”. I responded that a real “contender” would embrace my work to better myself and that his opinion was heard, but in my opinion, he was mistaken (aside from the fact he is MARRIED and on POF). And then I blocked him. That was the only negative message I got. I was inundated with “wows” and acclaim for the honest, witty and refreshing write up. Men like honesty and wit? I thought it was just big boobs? (totally kidding). I responded to every email, and inspected each profile and then looked at a few profiles on my own. nearly 3 hours sitting on the floor in the livingroom with Bre and her sister. I think new users are splashed up on the main page, it should be the “fresh meat” section. Which is why I had such a volume of attention. Every time I go to check my messages, It shows that I am online, and I get more messages. It actually deters me from going on to check them. 3 hours is not a sustainable amount of time to spend online messaging strangers. It means I have less time for unpacking which I still need to do, cooking, which is exciting when you have someone to cook for, and blogging which keeps me sane. There have been some changes to POF since last time I had a profile, men can no longer send women private messages (too many dick pictures). You cannot as a new user put a hot or gmail address into the message field. I understand why this happened, but it means I need to find another method of intermediate screening. And then I realize. If I don’t feel comfortable giving these men my phone number, I don’t need to. There is nn need for intermediate screening, No reason for me to meet any of the 63 ( I know, crazy..) men that have checked a yes or maybe box under the meet me heading.
I will still make mistakes, be mislead and lied to. It will be a struggle to find a balance, but I am in it, now. Right now.

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