Tag Archives: tinder

Hey, I might like you… here is a picture of my dick. :-)

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Hey Ya’ll! How the heck have you been? Miss me? I have been eating paleo the last month so been sticking fairly close to home, hard to meet for drinks or coffee dates when you aren’t drinking. And no sitting at starbucks blogging either.

Okay, last time I wrote here I told you about a guy who rejected me. a few weeks later he texted me. Whatever else he had going on must have fell thru. Well, after a quick text to my friend T, we decided – fuck that guy. He missed his window. I did reply, but kept it icy. I’m no back up plan. And the more he texted me the less I liked him.

I’ve been on a couple casual dates, and some random texts from old flames. I did get a few dick pictures from a tinder meet. Holy horse cock. Hahaha. Since the cock shot shares, I see he isn’t on tinder anymore, so someone must have been adventurous enough to tackle the gigantic monstrosity, you know what, I’m sharing it. I’ll just snip it a bit. Hahah. Snip it…. My immediate reaction was fear. Pretty sure I have an average sized vagina, that equipment would bruise my poor lady parts.

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I’ve been working hard on improving my mood, before christmas and most of last fall I was feeling low. Depression had crept in along with stress, a few extra pounds and under eating. I just wanted to crawl into bed and hide out, but then would beat myself up for that. Instead of enjoying the rest and relaxing.

I’ve also tried to say yes to more things. Dinner with friends? Yes. Trip to Portland with my Ex? Yes. That’s right, a potentially awkward weekend away was a great time. We had some drinks, did a pub crawl, caught a basketball game and rang in the new year. Really great time. Are we rekindling a romantic flame? Nope. Not a chance. Not again. But he did mention (while drunk) he didn’t realize how good he had it with me. So there was a little vindication.

I was madly flirting with a friend of a friend a couple weeks ago at a games night. I told Cherise about my new boyfriend and that I intended to flirt my face off later that night, that I was almost ready to tell him he was my new boyfriend because I had seen him at a handful of events now. Well… I did flirt, we sat next to each other, leg against leg, I was TOTALLY in there! He gave me his phone number. Conquest complete. And then it happened. I made some reference about something in pop culture that he didn’t get. This was odd, he gets all my jokes, and is smart enough to know how funny I am. But he didn’t get this… suspicion crept in. How old is this man? Is he actually a boy, was I the oldest person in the room? Was I preying on him? Yes, I was, but was I cougaring him, not just preying? Shit. He is 25. Really? Ugh. I laughed, he said “almost 26” like that makes it any better. Dammit. We might have to break up. These imaginary relationships can be so hard.

Speaking of men far too young for my the 22 year old broke up with his girlfriend. Sigh. I feel mixed emotions about it, He is SO good for my ego. And he CALLS me. I know… uses that text and internet device I carry around with me to verbally communicate. But although he has gotten older, so have I. And he still lives a ways away. I have now realized I am not preying on him, but I think he may be hunting this cougar. And if I date a man 12 years my junior I can justifiably be called a “cougar.” I have been entertaining the idea of a t-shirt. I think it should say something along the lines of “must be this tall to ride” but should have a born-before date.

I went to Seattle for a weekend with my Blog buddy, we caught Super Bowl in the emerald city and had a little post game bar hop. We met a group in one bar, they left and they were already at the next bar we went to. It is the best feeling to walk into a random bar, that you have never been to before and have a table of people scream your name with excitement. I felt like a rock star. And I had a man tell me he “Loved his girlfriend, but I was truly extraordinary”. Awe. I wasn’t interested in anything but taking off my boots and brushing my teeth at that point. But good to hear for external validation none the less.

I have a lunch date today with a man of an appropriate age, and a couple on the hook for next week meet ups. No dick pics this week, but I am hopeful for next week!!

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I was cock blocked by a forrest fire. Twice.

HI! OMG! have you missed me? It’s been months, 4 months. So insane how time has flown. I wish I could say I have sooooooo many amazing stories to tell you. But sadly, that would be a lie. Why have I neglected you? Well, I started a second blog, have you seen it? It’s worth a glance, some great recipes and a couple stories, but not nearly as salacious as this one. It’s also not all about me. Lame. hahah. www.theprimaldesire.com
The second blog has been time consuming as we try to get it up and running and making some money, I hope.
Then I took on a second store. It’ll be no problem I thought, I already have a store, “it won’t be much extra work” I said. “It will make the store less busy” I said. I was wrong, a good problem to have but I did way more volume and put in way more hours. So there you have it, I worked like a maniac from may until september. 3 full-time-ish jobs. I am ready for a break down. A recent visit to my naturopath and she requested, no demanded I take some time for myself. Here I am. Writing for you, that is my “me” time.
With so much on my work plate, I haven’t been on many dates thru the summer. I texted and tindered some, but didn’t do anything remarkable.
Met a guy from Tinder (who reminded me of Vanessa’s ex), who told me women ruined tinder by turning it into a dating site, it was for hook ups. haha. Yeah. And…No.
I boy from POF contacted me after the fail of his relationship. Oh, great, back up plan. My dreams come true.
I went on a date with a banker from tinder, and we talked business. At least he told me I was pretty. Not sure why they seem surprised by this, i have recent pictures up.
I saw a guy on tinder in may that was interesting, not my usual type, tall athletic, great teeth, yes, but BLONDE! I know, crazy right??! We chatted for a couple months on tinder and I gave him my phone number. But I never heard from him. I didn’t even notice. Terrible. I was at the bar people watching with R; and this dude, make a line for our table. He starts chatting, and I recognize him. THIS is the guy from tinder who I gave my number to MONTHS ago. Is it? He is telling us about himself and the details match up. It’s him. He doesn’t recognize me? He doesn’t seem to. We flirt, we dance, I leave early. I knew I could message him online so I was being a bit of a jerk. Say goodbye without a phone number exchange, a high 5, half hug and I was out the door. I messaged him on the walk home at R’s urging. “he’s CUTE!” and hello abs for days, which I found during the half hug. But.. he is maybe dumb? I mean to not recognize me? To be fair not everyone remembers details like I do, so I message him. Did he know I was this girl from the bar tonight? He said “you looked familiar” but no, he did not realize I was one in the same. I said “well you have my number, maybe we should make out”. I am smooth. He texted me! Hurray… or something, the King told me “fuck that guy, THAT guy is dumb”. Maybe, but that guy is the first decent prospect I have had in months. And I want to touch his abs. With my face.
We text a bit, but I am out of town, so we find a day to meet up. He messages me to see if we can meet a little later and I blow him off, (not literally) Probably not going to work for me, I’m only giving this guy a small window of opportunity, regardless of his rippling 8 pack. He manages to make it work on my terms and we watch a movie. He has a 19 inch tube TV. Old school, nice! we watch “Un-hung hero” on Net flicks. A “cock-u-mentry” about a guy with a small penis. Well, we have a winning first date movie. He was sweet, rubbed my feet, we chatted a bit. He isn’t dumb, just a little obtuse maybe. The more we chat the more I feel like I should hook him up with my Ex. They have a lot in common. A true bro-mance could blossom between these two. It made me comfortable too, because then we had a lot to chat about. Not really dating material, but neither am I, (for reasons I’ll get into on another post). But I like him. I like him enough to see him again maybe.
Then I don’t hear from him for a few days. I wasn’t sure if I even liked him less than a week ago, why the heck would I feel shitty if he didn’t call? Maybe because I am spoiled by instant gratification, by boys who call, and text, and like me, dammit. Maybe because although I am working on it, I seek external reassurance that I’m pretty or smart, or sweet or whatever I need to feel about myself. That external assurance is fleeting and fickle, but the honest truth is I still seek it. I have not yet attained self love perfection. Yet.
I break down and message him. I’m cooking for the website and need a taster. Did he want to come have dinner? I got a resounding, yes. Enticing a man with food really works! We have a lovely dinner, drinking sangria on the patio on one of the last warm summer nights. He is easy to talk to, again he seems initially a lot like my ex, good or bad I haven’t yet decided. We watch another movie, “Bad words” (funny, highly recommended) and it’s a decent date. Now for the downside. At the end of september his work contract is up, and he is going back to Vancouver. He will become Geographically Un-Desirable, (GUD). Well shit. Maybe I will see him a couple times in the next month. We text a bit here and there, but nothing amazing, he volunteers as a taster whenever I need one, and we plan for a dinner date the following week. Maybe I can convince him to eat shirtless. I mean I should get SOMETHING out of the deal… maybe we will make out! I don’t even know yet. A few hours before dinner he messages me, he was called out for a fire (forestry firefighter). Booo. Cock blocked by a forest fire. Fine. Whatever. We made plans for later in the week the next week, and then he was deployed north for another forest fire. 2 weeks. Which pretty much takes us to the end of the month. And to his GUD status. Cock blocked twice. By burning trees. Perfect. But hey, everything happens for a reason… right?
I am going to hold onto: getting hit on at the bar, and having a few interesting conversations, 2 great foot rubs, and 2 movies watched. Overall a positive experience. Now to find some time in my schedule to go on a few dates…

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On my soap box for a minute

Okay, I have been consumed the last couple weeks, with trying to get the new site going, and work has exploded. Spring is here, along with a computer system upgrade and our competitors closing down for renos (I’ve heard rumblings of a sale and that they may not be re-opening anytime soon) I am busy! I am also tired of being tired. I eat well, get 8-12 hours of sleep but still could sleep all day. In fact last saturday that is just what I did. Woke up early, had a morning snooze, made brunch, had an afternoon nap, was too lazy to make dinner, ate yogurt and watched a half of a season of the walking dead, I am nearly caught up. And then was to sleep by 10pm. Ridiculous. Luckily My blog partner has been doing the majority of the framework, he’s done an amazing job. So he has been building me a new soap box, and I am going to unleash a rant on diet, calorie counting, and my sick obsession with the scale. I’m also going to address the influences that can mess up our self image. We are working on some great grain free recipes, and been taking pictures. The new site is starting to breathe and take life, very exciting!!
I am going to document, what I eat, a food diary! Along with a 10 day cleanse my naturopath has put together. We are going to fix this fatigue, my blood pressure is LOW! The low side of normal anyways, and my heart beat, although not the worst she has heard it, was weak and a little irregular. As usual I cried in her office. The first time in a couple weeks I had teared. Except when I watched the “How I met your Mother” finale, of course, I am not a gargoyle (made of stone).
I went on a couple dates last week, one tinder fellow who quite obviously was interested in “doing” me. The end. Hahaha. No thanks. Soul-less banging not on my agenda. The other guy, we talked on POF well over a year ago, but he hadn’t remembered. Lovely man, damaged and still reeling from his last break up. But looking for friendship at this point, which is totally do-able. I have a date potential lined up, he is training for the granfondo. Yes bike geek!!
Of course content for the new site is my first priority until I start my cleanse (saturday I think) then it is only second because my health is my primary concern. And I have to get up on my new soap box and rant…

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Tinder luck

okay, this is a tough write, I have been on 2 dates with this guy, I am rolling them into one, and our first date was now over a month ago. So of course the details will be fuzzy. I did text the cute boy from the gym who is also seeing someone he met on tinder, so I have some notes. Okay…
I was laying in bed one friday morning flipping thru tinder, checking the yes and no boxes as pictures flashed in front of me. I clicked a yes, and a few minutes later I had a match. We messaged back and forth while I got ready for work and then we switched to text. He lives in Vancouver but finds himself in the area (vernon, kelowna, penticton) every couple of weeks. We decide to meet for lunch, but both got caught up at work and rescheduled for dinner. He was a touch late meeting me, and I surprisingly didn’t leave. Not knowing how this would go we sat at the bar and had a drink. He was interesting, smart, we had a number of things in common, we moved from the bar to the dining room and had an amazing dinner, we ordered the same thing, and chatted easily for 2 and a half hours. After dinner we moved our date to a coffee shop, really cool retro book store with a cafe. We both had tea and continued to chat, we had both been in long relationships, we both blogged, it was both of our first tinder dates, we shared a number of the same views on issues. It was a great time, and a single drink turned into a 5 hour date. He hugged me and kissed me sweetly on the cheek requesting I message him when I got home safely. The next day he texted me and told me I was beautiful, and that in his nervousness the night before he had forgot to tell me. We texted back and forth for a couple weeks him sending my inspirational links, videos, and asking a multitude of questions.

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This man is smart and sweet. He was back in town for work 2 weeks later and we arranged another date. I picked him up from the hotel and he had flowers for me, he had searched for my fave, but had to substitute other varietals of daisy. All very sweet. We went to chronic taco, and then to Mission Hill, wine tasting and a drive, chatting away. It was a grey blustery day but as we emerged from out wine tasting the sun came out, it was gorgeous!

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After our wine tour and photo shoot we wandered down town shopping and chatting. This man a perfect gentleman, opening every single door, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, between me and traffic, and would not let me pay for a single thing. Something I find a little infuriating, not that I can’t appreciate gallantry, but that I feel men and women should be equals. Maybe I’m simply not used to it. We did a little boutique shopping and I tried on this dress hoping for a laugh, actually it wasn’t that terrible…

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He is lovely, smart, sweet, Asian, and lives in vancouver. So logistically it’s hard to see him more, but it gives me an added reason to go down for a visit! And it makes tinder, a win.

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Over 100 different apps

Okay, the list of choices are endless. You HIV positive? There’s a dating app for you. Gay, straight, bi, tri, old, young, jewish, christian, black, asian, wasp, in a specific city, there is likely a specially tailored dating app for you. In the last couple weeks I have expanded outside of the POF to a Tinder, the 22 year old told me about it, but it wasn’t until the cute guy from the gym said something I looked into it. It’s linked to your Facebook, shows 1-5 pictures, any mutual friends or interests. You can set your parameters for age and geographical location. After that, load up your own pictures, and let the magic happen. You simply check a box, X for nope, ❤ for yes. If the other person also clicks a <3, bingo bango you have a match, and you can,at this point send messages. If one of you X’s they are gone forever.

Basically it is like playing a game. Or, I akin it to picking up in a bar, but from the comfort of your Onesie at home. You are judging and making decisions based entirely on a photograph. Not that POF is miles deeper…
There are a few instances where similar friends will discourage me from clicking the heart. Terrible? Maybe. It’s all judging, but may prompt me to clean up my facebook friend list.

I have seen 3 different guys that I have been on a date with on there, nice guy, caramel latte, and snap chat. I liked caramel latte as we had talked about it, but the other two I x-ed. Why wouldn’t I just text them instead of chatting on an app? The down side of course is it seems to be more of a hook-up feel. As well there are only a certain number of people in town on the app… so… lots of matches to start, petering out. Caramel latte said that my match was the first one he had in months. Like POF, the more you play the more matches you’ll get. If you have x’ed or ❤ all of the users in your area, it pops up with a little message. Not exactly but something like, "you have exhausted all of your resources" That is a sad thought…

Another App I perused with Karma last week was LULU. I was made aware of the app by one of my dates, the unicorn e-mailed me with horror. Another link to facebook app, where women can rate their dates anonymously. There are a series of questions and a secret algorithm to come up with a number out of 10. No one I knew had been rated. As a man, you can request to be removed, you can add your own #'s and the good old, throw the curve by getting girl friends to rate you. As a viewer you can also chime in if you think the girl who reviewed is spot on, or out to lunch. It's the kind of petty "slam book" type activities girls have been doing to each other since the dawn of modern society. Now we can do it to men! Hello progress!! It was designed to give women power in the dating scene, a man behaves badly and he can be punished, not just by you, but thousands of other women too. It does have a role, I'm sure it could deter some creep behaviour, just like any means of accountability usually does. Unfortunately the emotional and mental maturity/health of either party is not assessed in the hash-tagging process.

It's all very interesting, the degradation of society? You don't even have to go to a bar to hook up? Or bad mouth a bad date, you can do it anonymously, in your PJ's while watching TV. Or while blogging at Starbys.

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Snap chat? snap chat… sigh.

I was on POF earlier this week. For the first time in a couple of weeks, cleaning up and returning messages. I had a message from a cute guy. Super cute, tall, dark, I seem to be into those caramel fellows lately, maybe because caramel latte has been such a great find, I’m conditioned to love the caramel. Caramel brûlée lattes are my season fave starbys, half sweet of course. Perhaps Abed from community has also fed my caramel crush. Although having a lady boner for the tall dark handsome types is not new, My ex was all those things. Any how… message from this cute guy, I was interested, made a quick scan of his profile, 27. Well, shit. I responded I was flattered, too old for him, but he was super cute (dimples…yes please). He responded immediately with WHO decided I was too old? Um.. society as a whole? Maybe he was a mature 27. I’ve met a few of those. He asked for my number because he noticed I’m not online often. He seemed harmless and I gave him my cell. We texted a couple hours, before the gym and after, he seems like a great guy, but so very young. We have an opposite work schedule, him nights and weekends, my week days, but there are a few hours in the evening we can text. We have a few things in common, and age is just a number… right? There are a few obvious differences of course, As I was headed to bed last night he wanted me to add him on snapchat. For those of you who don’t know, it is a sort of picture messaging system that erases the picture sent in 1-10 seconds. Ideally of course, people have found a way to keep those pictures sent and not ment to be kept. The obvious use for this app is explicit pictures. Dick picks that automatically erase themselves? That will put a damper on my extensive collection. Cherise and I were joking just the previous weekend that we had face timed, and what was next? Snap chat? All the cool kids were doing it. We were, of course, joking. We just barely have a handle on hashtags, and primarily because of Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake making fun. But here I am on a tuesday night, this young man doesn’t want to ichat photos, snapchat. I will get dick pictures from him. My cockshot senses are tingling. I wish I had a better super power.
This morning I downloaded snap chat. And so far this guy has made it into my “best friends” category. He has sent me 2 pictures, one of that pretty face, dimples and all. He has nice teeth, I noticed in the 6 seconds I had to view the picture. The next one had a caption that said “best part of getting home, getting naked” But the pic was shoulders up. Funny I didn’t notice his dimples as much… haha. I’m going to send him back a picture of a cat, or a flower. Perhaps a majestic sunset. Oh… no my onesie. But that thing is possibly the sexiest thing I own. I am a jerk. I wanted to talk about the blue tooth and GPS instant dating scene, all the cool kids are doing that too… Tinder, scruff (which appeals to me but is for gay men), and a variety of other instant apps. Unfortunately my laptop battery is about to die, so another day. My bet is it isn’t likely to bring up the average age of men I date. Sadly.

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