Tag Archives: weight loss

Maple was my gateway starbucks

Two months being disciplined, and eating Paleo. Success. The second month was a little easier, not wanting to bareknuckle fight someone for cheese. Funny the things you miss… I missed cheese. Had the odd craving for oatmeal, or rice, or toast with butter and my moms raspberry jam, but overall, manageable. I lost 7 pounds, nothing crazy, but nearly 2 inches off my waist, and a half inch off my hip. Everything else stayed the same. I didn’t hit the gym more than once or twice a week, and I really would shame myself about it. I didn’t feel up to it, but that isn’t a good enough reason for the non-compassionate asshole I tend to be to myself.

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I spent 5 days in Vancouver with Caramel latte, drinking, eating at some amazing places, and visiting friends. We had a great time, he is fun, and personable, and always up for an adventure. The dress I wore for day one, is one I bought in december, and it fit, just a touch tight in fact, and by the end of feb it was bagged out a bit in the waist. We took some pictures of our amazing room, and food, and drank so much great wine, Every meal we made friends with the table or tables beside us. Even the flash of jealousy I felt on my alone afternoon was enlightening in a way I never could have imagined. I wonder how long it takes before you heal? Past baggage will always leave a mark or scar of some sort. Caramel and I had a long conversation over Japanese BBQ, (it’s a BBQ pit in the middle of the table where you cook your own already marinated meats and veggies, plates and plates of food and sake, it was nearly 3 hours of chatting and cooking)

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I’ve been getting some ribbing from friends that although I won’t call him my “boyfriend”, he for all intensive purposes is. Well… he’s not. We match in that we aren’t sure where either of us is headed, we are both floating, drifting a bit. Enjoy each other’s company immensely and have a pile in common, but I’m afraid of losing myself again, and he seems to be afraid of hurting someone. Things between us are good, great, but it won’t be more. Which is okay for now, but for how long? I can accept that he doesn’t want a girlfriend, but if he decided he did, and it wasn’t me, I would be crushed. He would be immeasurably dumb, of course, but I would be hurt. So what does this all mean? I find someone I like, (seems the trend in the last year and a half), and I close down to other options. Maybe there is someone out there even better for me? Someone as great as Caramel Latte but more focused? I still need to work on self love and compassion. I have been neglecting friends and family, I have certainly been neglecting my blog. He said something funny, as we exchanged stories on our long relationships, He said he couldn’t imagine the strong woman I am now, ever being in that situation. I could argue the woman I was before that relationship was far closer to the woman I am now, it was a flash in time, a perfect storm, a slip and fall, (here I am crying in starbucks again, dammit). Will I continue to see him? Yeah, he is great fun, but I need to stay grounded in myself and honest if my needs and wants are being fulfilled, because eventually I will want more. So more dating, but passive, and focused. Any friends of friends want to set me up? BRE said last night of all the people she knows, she is convinced I will get what I want. Everything I want. It’s out there and I will find it. I was touched. I am confident she is absolutely right.
I should stop crying at starbucks, or they should get softer napkins. I stopped packing tissues in my purse, dammit. Poor planning.
Right, nearly forgot… maple macchiato, years ago they had maple as a seasonal flavour at Starbucks, it was the only thing I could drink my anti coffee self, and makes sense as its mostly sweet maple and milk, I came in for a steamed milk to make a tea latte and saw, behold the maple is back! So excited to be reunited I ordered a venti, half sweet, and non fat. It was delicious as I knew it would be, and promptly gave me a SPLITTING headache. The caffeine, maybe, but more likely the sugar. I haven’t slept well all week, and have a general ache, I’m either getting sick or my body is protesting this non paleo diet. Is it possible I felt terrible every day and simply didn’t know any better? I would like to do a 21 day sugar detox shortly, so continuing on a clean or mostly paleo diet will help facilitate that, but I want a break. The key will be moderation, and making good choices, I cannot eat a whole slice of cake, not even one with bacon, Venti is no longer an option, whopper wednesday is a bad idea.

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All these bumps are getting me to where I need to be.

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Ho hum.

So. I have been giving myself a lot of slack. Eating really clean, being a homebody, spending time with the wonderful Caramel Latte. Not going to the gym tho, spending all my time cooking and watching net flicks. I was being compassionate with myself, but really, hiding out a bit. Yesterday I woke up with a killer knot in my neck, a sure signal I’m not dealing with something. Also a dying thirst as the last 2 days have been spent eating hershey kisses in my office at work. Hershey Kisses are not paleo.
Okay, a quick re-cap. I checked my POF messages for the first time in a month (maybe longer) and had a guy who e-mailed me a year ago expressed relief at finding me on there again. I agreed to meet him for a drink. Why? Well, I’m a sucker, and he was so damn excited about seeing me. I planned the usual one hour meet and greet having a girlfriend meet me at the pub afterwards. He had been on more than 40 dates over the last 2 years. Not a bad guy, but an Eyore. The conversation was predominately about him, he was easily led, Initially he went on a mini rant, a sad story where he didn’t understand why women didn’t like him. And if there was a spark it would turn out women didn’t enjoy receiving oral sex, so he had to break it off. Well… cheque please, what a catch… a set of earplugs and a dental dam and I had my entire weekend planned. The ear plugs to muffle his whining, at least during the time his tongue wasn’t at work between my thighs. Why did he feel the need to say this in the first hour of our first date? He’s a bit of a mess honestly, A quote “If we were having a fight I would call you a Bitch, but I wouldn’t hit you or anything”. Wonderful. I should know better. Thank goodness for R meeting me for tea, because I have the suspicion Eyore was looking for/expecting a marathon date, but I had had enough conversation leading after 50 min.
Valentines day. Well, it was never a big deal around my house while I was “married” being single never really bothered me either, it’s a pegan fertility ritual, I need no part in it. And I have an excess of love in my life every day. But after last year, getting flowers, was nice. Damn you Goldylocks, you ruined me for valentines day. Hahaha. Not really but it was a jag at one point of the day, when I reflected on it. Luckily Karma had a husband out of town, lucky for me at least, and she made me dinner, we drank prosecco with strawberries and watched True Detective and chatted. Her darling of a grandmother just passed away last week, and she was telling me about it. Amazing the strength and love in people after experiencing a lifetime of loss and victory. Gran was a dear, and she will be missed. Also, True Detective, dark and smart, a new fave, not that I need more TV to watch.

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I slept like crap last night, up late, up early, and overall restless. I need to walk, work out, put together a program to stick to the next 30 days, and a kick ass playlist to motivate my bad self to the gym solo. 30 min every day light aerobic, even just a brisk walk. And no more dates because they are excited, I have to be excited about them.

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Overdue hump day

I have been in a fog of nyquil, trying to get things fixed at work and get better.  I miss the gym.  I also have LOTS to write about!  Today is my first day back to the gym, we have a changed workout routine, hopefully I don’t cough up a lung.  Weighed this morning 167.2.  I feel thin, probably from being sick all week.  blog soon… I promise…

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One step forward, two steps back

I’m sitting waiting patiently at Honda. I was due for my first service. I haven’t slept well all week, until last night, after an hour walk (7K), a kick ass salad, a hot tub and 3/4 of a bottle of wine. It’s hard to function without sleep, AND be nice to people! This time change f’ed me up. Or something… I’ve been cranky!

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I did go see my fabulous hair stylist, who told me to get out and date, but that I was too hot to lower my standards in any way! I love him.

I really like the color of my eyes in this picture, are they usually that color? Love them. Thanks Mom and Dad.
I received my vi mix yesterday, and the flavor packets I ordered. Was sadly disappointed when I only got the chocolate and strawberry. They also have orange, banana and peach, but they are not approved for sale in Canada. I could procure a US mailing address and have them re-shipped, but sounds like a lot of work. I guess I’ll pick up OJ, frozen peaches and banana milk instead.

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It was a spectacular walk! You can’t see, but on the left of this picture is a vineyard and to the right a golf course. Really is a beautiful place to live!

I have decided I’m going to take 60 minutes every day for myself.  To use however I like guilt free.  I might spend it exercising, painting my toe nails, gardening, making a CD, Blogging, however I choose.  Without feeling like I SHOULD be doing something else.  Happy friday ALL!

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Red Solo Cup party, and the potentially on it’s way to being an epic weekend

I was stressed at work this week. I’m not usually stressed at work anymore. I am sure part of the stress was making sure everything was done for my 4 day weekend. As I type, I realize, I forgot time cards… haha. I knew that was going to happen.

I had dinner with my ex, and we watched star wars. I tried to talk about Dating, something I asked him to disclose when he started and vice versa. But I chickened out of it. It will happen in good time, I am sure.

Friday I went and paid a speeding ticket, and dealt with a warning, I still hadn’t changed my address. So I learned where the DMV and the RCMP offices are in my new town. I started to tidy my house a bit, and folded my laundry, but ran out of time. My amazing parents came and picked me up, we went to visit their “coin guy” (they collect coins and people, He is like adopted family) Then a trip an hour south to see my grandparents. I told you about some of the time and experiences I shared with my gramps. The other set of grandparents I was never close to. I visit every couple years. Terrible I know. But… well, I was left feeling pretty raw about some things that happened when I was a teenager, and I had a chip on my shoulder about it. As I developed into an adult, It’s not something I was a big enough person to change. It was a two way street, they didn’t make efforts to contact me. So it merely wasn’t a priority. Now I live maybe an hour away, and I feel like an asshole not going to visit. I am a better person. My experiences good and bad made me the person I am today. I wouldn’t change them even if I could. I still have the opportunity to have an adult relationship with my grandparents, and I think I would be a fool to dismiss them. My grandmother is an incredible cook. She made us ribs and rice with beets and salad, Fresh Strawberries, whipped cream and lemon cake from scratch. After dinner we visited, and I went thru some of her recipes. I have some great ideas! Who wants to come for dinner??

My parents have to drive 2 plus hours home, so we left fairly early, I had plans to abandon my half-a-couch and head out on the town, with my one friend. Red solo cup party and bull riding. I wore one of my new dresses, and some cowboy boots. I drank bourbon on ice. 2 shooters and a drink, I was drunk. We wandered around the bar, I had fun, I did realize, my flirting is seriously lacking. Desperately out of practice. We were the last ones to leave, then it was a denny’s trip before home to bed. I didn’t sleep much but I also wasn’t hungover today, I felt pretty good.

After the greasy mozza sticks and the moons over my hammie at 3 am, I knew I had to make up some of those calories today. 2 shakes and a salad.

I went for a 5k brisk walk, it was beautiful. Often I listen to an iPod when I walk, but today at the recommendation of my yoga instructor, for the last 30 min, I shut it off. 30 min of intent walking, while trying to keep my mind clear. Letting go of thoughts as they came into my head, no planning, no lists, just me, with an empty head, Listening to my breath, hearing the swish of my jacket and the padding of my shoes on the path. Smelling the crisp air, letting the pungent smell of junipers penetrate my nose (bahahah…sorry, I said penetrate) The smell of the lake, and the wet dirt. Noticing the birds, and trees, and grass, but not staying on them, thinking about them, just letting go of my every thought, sending them into the air like little pink balloons, floating away with the wind. It is a difficult exercise. I am used to acknowledging people around me, multi tasking, and always actively doing. It’s a marvelous feeling, when you can just let it all go. But extremely difficult. Try it some time, for just 10 min, you will drift into your thoughts, you’ll notice something and start your mind racing. Let all of it go. Just focus on the breath, in and out, in and out. And be patient with yourself, it goes against everything we have been taught. Have drive, purpose, be efficient. No. Let it all clear out. But please stay on a walking path or sidewalk, no one wants to be hit with a car…

I came home after my walk and spent 20 min on my bike trainer, just to warm up. I bought a bright orange windbreaker for walking (I really don’t want to be hit with a car, and most of my outerwear is black). It is marvelous. Wind proof, water repellant, but not terribly breathable. Like being sealed in a ziplock bag, my hoodie was a little more than damp, gross…

I went to “the vow” with my one friend who is also friends with my neighbor, small world. 🙂 Then came home to make a CD and Blog. Tomorrow is a big day, 2 hours drive to Zumba with Cherise (YAY!!!) then a visit in the hospital with gramps.

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Revelstoke!

Just chilling waiting for my dinner company. I’m going away for the weekend. I’m armed with a half dozen possible outfits, who knows what we will be up to, a bag of vi shake mix, and enough wine to injure a medium sized child. I’m excited to get away from work for a weekend. Feels like I’m there a lot. Time for a mini vacay.
I’ve walked, or done yoga the last few days, but will have to get some exercise in if I plan on, no wait… WHEN I drink all that wine. I have already made that plan, time to follow thru! I really have no idea what is planned but I am excited to spend some time with Libbs.
The plan is to stop and see my ailing grandfather on the way home, he won’t know who I am. But at this stage seeing him is more about me than him. He is a tough old bugger, deaf as a door knob, macular degeneration, so he can’t see, and stage 4 liver cancer. Most people by this stage in the game are in hospice. But not him… Resilient old man.

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Just killing a little time

Waiting… I’m trying a new yoga studio close to home. This is the second studio I’ve tried in town. The first one was a “do what you feel” studio. I was frustrated, I’m used to being inspired, pushed to develop. How will you evolve in your practice if you do what you feel all the time? You’ll never have the satisfaction of not thinking you can do a pose, and then ahhhhhh ray of light, you do it! I’m hopeful. Class starts at 6:15. This is also a challenge because my half-a-couch is wonderfully comfy. Once I get home, it’s all over for me. The house pants go on, I’m starving, so dinner, then bed.
Had a coffee vi shake this morning, took my measurements, which I’ll post tomorrow.
Lunch was a single scoop strawberry raspberry vi shake. Snack was carrots, banana and turkey pepperoni.
I had a single scoop vi shake when I got home from work- just so I don’t have a growling belly at yoga.
Dinner is going to be chicken breast, cinnamon mashed yam and steamed broccoli. And maybe one of those Oreos that are still taunting me from the cupboard!
Happy full moon everybody, if your feeling lazy and crazy you have an excuse!
So… Not all instructors are created equal, but it was an ok sweat. Check out my awesome yoga hair!!!

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Monday!

I wanted to escape from work all day. All day. But I was stuck there. Now I’m done, I don’t really have anything to do. I’m not motivated to do a thing. Canned peaches and vanilla yogurt in my Vi shake this morning. Hard to find fruit canned in juice, but I found some! Lunch was a coffee yogurt and soy shake, I add flax, chia and hemp hearts to my shakes, helps make them stick.
Snack was turkey pepperoni, a banana, and a few shriveled up grapes. They were old.
I freeze a lot of stuff. I’m not a fan of leftovers, and I don’t have a microwave, it’s not easy to heat up things. I made chili, divided it into 3 portions, and I still have leftovers. Ugh… Dinner tonight is tossed greens, tomato, peppers, salsa and fat free yogurt (instead of sourcream) and the chili will make it a “taco” salad. I think perhaps a little guacamole too!
There’s a part of me crying out, the part of me that wants to dance on a speaker. And do shooters. And shamelessly flirt with boys. This vi shake would probably be delicious with some caramel vodka…

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Super Bowl Sunday

Another long day. Changed up my morning shake, made steel cut oatmeal, and added my shake mix to the oatmeal, was different, a thicker texture, but tasted good.
I went to a yoga workshop, it was more personal development, I really enjoyed it.
Afterwards I met up with my parents, we went for a late lunch at the pub I used to work at, it was nice to see some old people, we all had steak sandwiches and watched some of the Super Bowl.
I stopped at a friends to visit, stopped at work to do a liquor order, and just got home. 12 hours on the road.
I had a peanut butter and cocoa almond milk vi shake.
I’ll brush my teeth and head to bed soon. Time to start another work week!!! Maybe I’ll take a spin class tomorrow…

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Ate the whole thing

I went to a movie this afternoon.  I saw the descendants.  It was good, I cried, but that’s kind of my thing.  I’m a crier.  I feel feelings.  I ate an entire bag of peanut butter M&M’s with my diet pepsi.  I felt gross.  

I am a little lonely today.  After the movie went for a drive, a jaunt around the lake, I have some new music on my iPod.  It started as a cloudy grey day, but this evening was, hard to describe, almost foggy, but just in spots, like driving thru a watercolor painting, beautiful and a little erie.  Was a nice drive, every once in a while it would get incredibly clear, the sky a crisp pale blue, and the stars winking down from the twilight,  I wish I had a camera that would capture the breathtaking beauty of the scene. 

Breakfast was a gab session with Libby and a strawberry vi shake, lunch was that entire bag of M&M’s, diet pepsi and a skinny latte.  Dinner is some crockpot chili with a tossed salad.  I am listening to my clothes clattering in the dryer, managed to get my house cleaned today.  Well, mostly cleaned. I am considering a zumba WII session, but… we will see.  I may snuggle into bed early tonight.  After I fold the mountain of laundry piled on my half-a-couch and mop my floor.  Big saturday night!

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