Valentines day Break ups

Well, a 80+ year old lady just told me she “admired my slacks” Hahahah. I love it, I am wearing plaid leggings

I feel so very stylish. Hahah, altho now I really look at them, my grandmother would love them… I think she had a shirt like this. Polyester of course.
I have already gotten off topic. I am feeling a little tender today. I initiated a number of breakups yesterday.
I broke up with the 23 year old. He has been calling and texting and we had arranged to meet up. When he cancelled on me, I was relieved. He makes me feel nervous. Butterflies fill my chest and I feel awkward. After consulting with my BFF, I decided to heed her advice and listen to what my body was saying. I phoned him and we talked about how I felt, and that I thought we should leave each other alone. He feels the same, nervous. We make each other nervous. So we are letting go, and trusting the universe will unfold as it should. No more anxiety or guilt. And if it is to be, it will. No more energy is to be spent. I feel a mix of relief and sadness. He was good for my ego, he makes me feel as I am the most amazing woman ever lived. Truly irresistible.

I have been “married” on facebook for more than 7 years. But, to a woman, a friend. A friend that I have fallen out of favour with. I think that friendships that span years have a tendency to ebb and flow. I think it’s okay, and true friendship can resist the slack and stretch of time and distance. People grow apart and together, and then apart again, the only thing constant is change. It may have been the hardest break I made, removing the married status from my page. I even teared a bit, but a relationship not serving needs to be severed.

I have mentioned that I am a collector of amazing people, this is true, but the down side is that I am not good at ending relationships. Even ones that are toxic or painful or no longer serving my best interests. I hold on, I give another chance, I try harder. I need to stop. I will stop. The people pleasing, and feeling like I need to do and be more to have people love me. It’s coming to a crashing halt.

I culled my facebook friend list. I deleted or removed nearly 100 people from my list. If I wouldn’t stop to say hello in the supermarket, I deleted them. Any one who has treated me poorly or with malice, they are gone too.

I cleaned out old text messages, and deleted contacts that are no longer people I wish to spend time with. Texts that come from unfamiliar numbers will be deleted without thought. I am not a booty call, or a back up plan for boys and dates. I am a shark. I keep moving forward. It is the means for survival.

I have a fresh outlook. I deserve to be treated with love and adoration. To feel good, and whole and deserving. I AM irresistible, and sparkle with positive energy. I am generous and kind, to myself and others, and require reciprocation. If that isn’t happening, we are breaking up. And it’s not an on again-off again relationship. Me and my fancy pants are leaving. For good. But we wish you the best life and love you deserve. XO Holley.