Relative Hotness…Or “Hey everyone come see how good I look”

Being 50lbs overweight, and coming out of a long relationship it’s safe to say I don’t feel super hot. I mean, I’m attractive enough. I can apply makeup (years of working in pubs and clubs) and have a decent sense of what cuts, styles and fabrics look good on me. Not that it stops me from leaving the house in my “housepants” on occasion. (you know the baggy stained, wild print sweats that should NEVER be worn outside the house.)

But, it is all In my head. Sexy, and Hotness, is more in how you feel about yourself. And embracing the fact you are smart, funny, talented, athletic, compassionate whatever is your thing, AT ANY SHAPE or SIZE. The numbers on the scale are just that. Numbers.

I am blessed by friendships that have lasted for decades One of my nearest and Dearest has been my sidekick (and sometime me hers) In adventure, love, loss and life for more than 20 years. You might even call us “hetero lifemates.” Libby, who had some awesome ideas for a pseudonym but decided to keep her own, has seen many different body shapes and sizes in both of us in the last 2 decades. We were having a conversation in her truck last week, I was crying, (because I cry a lot, comercals, puppies, you name it) telling her how I just didn’t feel attractive. I was telling her how HOT I used to be. In her insight, she pointed out, that I didn’t feel hot then. I still had insecurities. Pained over small things, felt and thought poorly of myself.

She was right. A few years ago, my ex and I spent a year apart, (I know… i know… but this is not a relationship blog) I was a mess. I cried more than usual, shut myself in, really only left my house for work and yoga. I was skinny, and sad. Trying to find something to make myself feel better, I had professional photos done. Naked photos. Now I know naked isn’t for everyone, but a professional photo shoot is something everyone should do for themselves once in lifetime. I have some amazing photos. Keep in mind, they have been retouched, so he smoothed out all of my dimples and creases, but beautiful. I’m going to post a couple of the less revealing ones so you can see.

Remember That GIRL DID NOT think she was hot. And in fact thought she should lose just 10 more lbs. ( I like talking about myself in the third person, makes me feel important.)

So hotness, is relative. feel good about yourself, love your strengths, accept your weaknesses. You are valuable and lovable no matter your size.